#passable.

Brain Curds are barely-edited fiction, poetry, or just about anything else - drafted in a day or less. Remember, kids - badges are not your friends.

It was five o’clock somewhere, but in Irvine, CA, it was only ten in the morning - which was admittedly early for Alice and Lily to wake up, but they really needed a drink.

“This year has been the absolute worst.” Lily took a swig of her hard cider. “I’m failing all my classes, my student loans keep getting bigger, and I’m being genocided.”

“Oh, please.” Alice snorted. “You think you’re being genocided? Take a look at the news. ICE has been rounding up everyone with skin darker than milk and sending them to concentration camps. You’re fine.”

“I’m not fine if I decide to go to Texas!”

“Why the hell would you go to Texas?”

“Well, it used to be a free country, Alice!”

Alice shook her head.

Brayden, whistling a chipper tune, sat next to the two at the bar and played a little ditty with his palms.

“Bartender, a round for me and my friends, please!”

Lily sneered at him. “What’s got you in such a great mood?”

Brayden chuckled. “All my financial troubles are over.”

Alice raised an eyebrow. “How?”

Brayden pulled out a badge from his pocket, reading Immigrations and Customs Enforcement.

“You joined la freakin’ migra?”

“Yeah! They’re hiring just about anybody! And they pay off your student loans! I couldn’t pass that up!”

Lily dropped her head onto the bartop and covered her head with her hands. “Oh god… even the t-boys are turning against us… wait…” Lily looked him up and down, squinting as hard as she could. “Aren’t you a little short to be a storm trooper?”

“And a little dark?” Alice added.

“What’s the big deal?” Brayden put away his badge. “Why are you two so upset? I’m not rounding anyone up.”

“What do you mean?” Alice asked.

“In case you haven’t noticed, this administration is a complete trainwreck. Remember how they fired everyone?”

“Yeah.”

“And then they hired most of them back because their jobs were actually important?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, now they aren’t firing anybody. So I can just collect my paycheck and never show up to work!” He chugged a whole bottle of cheap beer. “Win-win situation. I get paid, they don’t hire somebody else for my position, and nobody gets deported.”

“You really think they aren’t going to notice that you never show up to work?”

“Huh? Oh, no way. I’m at work right now.”

Lily attempted to take a sip of cheap beer and gagged. “How are you at work when you’re drinking with us?”

Brayden whispered. “Technically I’m supposed to be raiding this bar right now. We don’t wear uniforms, you see. But I’ll just say everyone had their birth certificates with them so there was nobody to deport.”

“But wait…” Lily slurred. “If they’re so disorganized, how do you know they aren’t raiding this bar twice?”

Brayden rubbed his chin. “That would be really stupid… so… I guess that means they’re probably doing it.”

“Hands on your head!” A masked man pushed Brayden’s face onto the bar. “Show me your papers!”

“What the hell, man? Why would I have my papers with me, I was born here!”

“Likely story!”

“Look, look, I’m one of you! Check my pocket! I have a badge!”

The masked man fished around in Brayden’s pocket and found it. He grabbed a radio from his belt. “Suspected illegal has stolen my badge, I repeat, suspected illegal has stolen my badge. Apprehending now, requesting armed backup.”

Alice rolled her eyes. “You’d better not leave us with the tab.”

Penned 2025.08.19

Brain Curds are lightly edited flash fiction - practically first drafts - posted daily (haven't missed one yet!) and sometimes written with the express intention of being terrible… but, you know, in an endearing way. Please like and reblog if you enjoy - the notes keep me going!

Lily sipped carefully at her mocha cappuccino and recoiled. It was still too hot. She set it down on the cafe table, where she sat opposite Alice.

“I swear my tongue burns easier than it used to.”

Alice nodded, her face buried in a book. “Mmm-hmm.”

“Like, is that a thing? Does HRT make you more sensitive to heat?”

“Sure.”

“I mean, look, I’m not gonna say this is a dealbreaker or whatever. It’s real nice having tits. But I would have appreciated a warning.”

Alice snorted and turned the page.

“Are you even listening to me?”

Alice waved her hand. “I’m sure they’ll take it back if you still have the receipt.”

Lily put her elbow on the table and rested her face on her hand. “Despite everything, I still have no idea how to talk to women.”

Alice laughed so hard, tears began to escape her eyes. She set the book aside and wiped her face with a napkin as she caught her breath. “Were you saying something?”

“Probably not. What are you reading?”

“This is the funniest thing I’ve ever read. Have you ever heard of James Siegfried?”

“The sitcom guy? Who hasn’t?”

“He just released an autobiography, and it is awful. It’s like he’s never written a word in his life. I’m just getting to the part where they start filming the pilot, and already I’ve found like a dozen typos. Plus, he’s got a real woe-is-me attitude, while also presenting himself as the second coming of Desi Arnaz.”

“I always thought Lucy was the funnier character.”

“Yeah, but Siegfried could never compare himself to a woman.”

“How does such a deeply untalented man make such a classic show?”

“He downplays it in the book, but his co-writers did practically everything.”

“Huh.” Lily blew on her coffee and took a small sip. “I guess it must be hard to write a sitcom all by yourself.”

Brain Curds are lightly edited flash fiction - practically first drafts - posted daily and sometimes written with the express intention of being terrible… but, you know, in an endearing way. Please enjoy.

Brayden took a pained swig of his black coffee, which he drank purely for aesthetic reasons, and rubbed his head. “Let me get this straight…”

“You?” said Alice. “Never.”

“You want me to fuck that virgin, blindfolded, to settle a bet?”

“Yeah.”

“How is it that you so easily,” he fluttered his hands like a butterfly, “let things like this exit your mouth?”

Alice took another sip of her matcha. “I like to have a variety of things in my mouth. Something has to leave eventually.”

“And you,” he pointed at Sarah. “Aren’t you supposed to be homophobic?”

“I’m trans.” She replied.

“But you’re religious.”

“It’s not my soul on God’s chopping block. You were going to have sex anyway.”

Brayden paused. “I can’t argue with that.”

“Look, it’s simple.” Alice put her hand on his shoulder. “We flip a coin - heads he gets vag, tails he gets tail. Then we ask him which hole he thinks he was in.”

Brayden smirked. “What about heads he gets head?”

“That’s not part of the bet.” Alice shook her head.

“Wait!” Sarah daintily slammed her hands onto the table. “We have to do it in the butt first!”

“What does the poophole loophole have to do with our bet?” Alice replied. “It’s like you said, you aren’t going to hell for his sluttery.”

“You’re forgetting the whole point! If you start the virgin in the front hole, he’ll know immediately that something is different when you move to the back!”

“So you admit he’ll be able to tell.”

“Yeah, we’re going back-to-back here!”

“Back to front.”

“Front to back.” Brayden added. “Stink to pink is how you get an infection.”

“Stay out of this.” Alice put her hand to his face. “You can’t just change the terms of the bet willy-nilly, Sarah.”

“That was my nickname in high school,” Brayden replied.

“What we’re really trying to determine,” Sarah said, exasperated, “is whether a guy can tell he’s not in the intended hole. You always hear guys say they missed! That they didn’t know they went the wrong way! What we need to do is have him go in the back and tell him he’s going in the front.”

“Is that ethical?” Brayden asked.

“That completely demolishes the integrity of this experiment!” Alice crossed her arms. “Forget it!”

The three sat in silence for a moment. Brayden took another sip of bitter coffee and looked at the test subject, mopping behind the counter. “He’s kinda cute, though.”

Lily, the fourth member of the group (though first if you’d asked her), entered the cafe and saw her friends sitting at their usual table. She rushed over and sat down.

“Guys, guys, guys! You won’t believe what just happened to me on the train!”

“If it were me,” Brayden replied, “I’d say the answer was hidden in the question. ‘Guys, guys, guys’ running a train.”

“In public?” Sarah asked, shocked.

“No, but there would be cameras.”

“It wasn’t anything like that,” Lily blushed. “I saw this cute trans girl sitting alone, so I sat next to her…”

Alice rolled her eyes. “You always do fall for the clocky ones.”

“Anyway, we got talking and we have a lot in common. She gave me her Insta.”

“Are you going on a date?” Sarah took a sip of her melting frappe. “That’s so cute. Love at first sight is adorable.”

“Well, yeah, I did ask her out actually, to a kink club. She said yes.”

“For the first date?!?”

“You just don’t understand T4T lesbian culture, Sarah. Of course for the first date. You can’t go to dinner with someone until you know you can hold a conversation.”

Alice nodded. “It’s true.”

Brain Curds are lightly edited flash fiction - practically first drafts - posted daily and sometimes written with the express intention of being terrible… but, you know, in an endearing way. Please enjoy.

Read the rest of Passable. here on Tumblr!

Lily sat at the bar, fidgeting with a straw. She wore a deep crimson crop top, thigh-high socks to match, and denim short shorts to pull it together - and by “it,” of course, well… you know.

There were a handful of other trans women around, or at least, Lily was pretty sure. But at this point, could she really trust her intuition anymore? Right was left, up was down, a deep voice was no more than a coincidence and an apple could no longer be relied on to prove the existence of a pair. Lily prided herself on always being able to tell. What happened?

Hazel, the woman who’d given her cis panic, would arrive any minute for their first date, during which they’d together watch a woman get whipped like cream by her dominatrix. Cream… of course, another drink was exactly what Lily needed to calm her nerves.

“Bartender?” She called out. “A shot of Bailey’s, please.”

No sooner than Lily set the empty glass onto the bartop, Hazel came up from behind, tapping her on the shoulder.

“Hey, cutie!” She winked and blew a kiss.

 Lily gulped. “Heyyy! Uh…” What was it that cis women liked to talk about? “Do any shopping lately?” No, no, no! That wasn’t right at all. “I mean, did you get anything special for tonight?” Lily winked and forced a smirk. Phew. She saved it.

Hazel sat down on the stool next to her as she giggled at Lily’s remark. “So forward… I like that.” She walked her fingers from Lily’s near shoulder to her far shoulder and rested her hand there, making confident eye contact at the same time.

Lily felt like she was going to throw up.

“We wouldn’t want to miss the show, though!” Hazel took Lily’s hand. “Come on, we can still get a good spot!”

The two of them sat off to the side in a booth-like alcove. They had a perfect view of the stage, where BDSM equipment was already set up. It was nothing Lily hadn’t seen before, but she felt naked looking at it with Hazel. As soon as the submissive was brought out on stage on a leash, Lily excused herself to the restroom.

She ran to the sink and splashed water on her face. “Come on,” she said to herself in the scratched-up mirror. “You can do this, Lily. She’s just like all the other girls you’ve dated. Except… for the obvious.” She rubbed her face and groaned.

“You can do it, girl!” A slurring voice said from the second stall. “Don’t let her intimidate you!”

“You got this, queen!” Said another, from the same stall.

Lily nodded. Sometimes, all anyone needs is pep-talk from a girl in the nightclub lavatory. “You’re right. You’re right! I can do this! I’m gonna ask her to come back to my place!”

“Wooooo!” One of the girls cheered.