You were never the type of person to follow rules. You were always living life on the edge of what was acceptable. Growing up, your parents were strict with you, be home at this time, do chores on this day, date at this age. And, of course, you did everything in your power to break those rules.

When you went to university, you went as a music business major because you had enjoyed playing bass in high school jazz band and your dad was willing to pay for your education. You were much more invested in the parties than learning, so it wasn’t much of a surprise when you dropped out to be in a band, instead.

You had met Johnny in your macroeconomics class and became instant best friends. You went everywhere together, for coffee, the movies, late night jam sessions. You were almost inseparable.

Johnny was a frat boy. His house was notorious for large parties, three nights a week, with more people than were in your classes. He had invited you to many and that’s where he introduced you to Yuta and Taeyong. Yuta was just as much of a rule breaker as you and he admired your strong headedness from the moment he laid eyes on you. Taeyong was the mom friend that made sure everyone got home safe.

It was a great set of people, just the right balance of right and wrong. Music was something you all bonded over, starting out small with arranging and writing little tunes and bouncing ideas off each other while you were high. You and Yuta dropped out around the same time and moved in together, but Johnny and Taeyong graduated the semester after with degrees in music business and veterinary science.

The band started to grow from just the four of you. Jaehyun was a member of the fraternity Johnny had been and had seen you at several parties, and Johnny had scouted Mark straight out of high school. That was how it started, frat parties and late-night jams.

Here you were now, getting shit-faced with your closest friends. People poured in around you and the proximity between you became smaller. Yuta stumbled into you from behind with a red plastic cup full of an inconspicuous liquor.

“There you are.” His words were slurred together, but he made perfect sense to you. “I found something fun you might wanna try.” He held his hand out in front of him, small pink pills laid out in his palm. You instinctively grab one, disregarding all safety. You were just in it for a good time, and your judgement had been clouded by the amount of alcohol you had consumed already.

He smiled as you took one, holding it in your hand as you waited patiently for him to pass them out to the other men around you. Johnny and Jaehyun downed theirs immediately, but you waited for Yuta to return.

He appeared in front of you again, with a pill of his own. He gave you a smirk before offering to intertwine your loose limbs together. You took the drugs together, taking a swig of your drinks, simultaneously.

After letting it set in, you downed the rest of the cup’s contents and threw it into the crowd carelessly, and flung yourself forward, wrapping your arms tightly around Yuta’s neck.

He was handsome when you were sober, but he was so much more ethereal when you weren’t. His bright white hair shined like a fluorescent light, starbursting around the edges, and his features blurred together slightly. His dark chocolate eyes bore into you as he looked up and down your figure, filled with a hazy lust.

He leaned down and smashed his puffy lips into yours, carelessly maneuvering them in a feverish manner. Yuta was not a neat person, by any means. He kept your shared apartment untidy and in need of organizing. He liked his women that way, always cherishing the mess. You, my dear, were the biggest mess of all.

His hands wandered up and down the curve of your waist, taking in every single sensation the fabric of your t-shirt would give him. You entangled your fingers in the white strands of hair at the base of his neck, pulling him as close to you as possible.

His forceful hands were pulling your waist into his frame, trying to gain more contact when you pulled away, looking at his blurry face with clouded eyes.

“Let’s go find a room,” you whispered seductively in his ear, leaning in to press hot kisses against his jawline. He pulled your arms off of his neck and wrapped a hand around your hip, coaxing you to follow him away from the bustling crowd.

He found the first door in a hallway leading away from the people and pushed you in first. It was a small coat closet, filled with various fabrics that brushed your fingers as you wrapped your arms around Yuta, going back to your heated make out. His movements were hasty and eager, but the drugs seemed to slow time itself. He quickly started removing layers from his body, taking off his shirt in a single motion.

His lips were mashed against yours again, while his agile fingers slipped under your waist band, tugging them down slightly, more to tease you than to get what he wanted. He parted your shaky legs with his thigh, grinding it into your needy core and pushing his clothed erection closer to you.

He went to the zipper of your jeans, unbuttoning and pulling them down enough to let them fall at your feet, then placed his thigh back to its position, letting you ride it. You held onto his neck with every fiber of your being, fearing you might fall without him.

He leaned away to remove his own black skinny jeans along with his boxers. His cock sprung from its restraints, already dripping with precum. He smashed his swollen lips back into yours, trailing his fingers delicately down past your ass to pull your legs up around him. “Jump,” he whispered, nipping at the edges of your ear.

You obey, wrapping your legs around his now completely exposed waist. His cock was pressed up against your clothed entrance, the soft fabric of your panties combined with the pressure was driving you crazy.

Your back hit the wooden door, making a loud THUD, but it didn’t phase you. He reached down in between you and brushed his index finger past the layer of fabric and ran it through your slick folds. You tilt your head back, farther into the door, giving him the perfect opportunity to attack your exposed flesh with his beautiful teeth.

As he sucked and nipped at your neck, he circled the pad of his thumb against you swollen bud. The combination of his harsh bites on your neck and his fingers working delicately in your heat made your heart pound against your chest.

His movement slowed as he removed his hand to hold your hips in place. He pushed your panties to the side and entered you at such a slow pace, you begged him to fuck you. When his cock was buried deep, you moaned his name repeatedly.

“Yuta, please. Ruin me.”

“Don’t worry, baby girl. I’m getting there.”

He wasted no time picking up speed, quickly escalating his movements to a rough pounding. Every thrust he made pushed your back farther against the door as you clung to him, leaving red lines all across his shoulders. He leaned his head against your collarbone, trying to gain some stability as his thrusts became more erratic.

A stream of curses left your lips as the familiar knot began to form. His grip on your waist was tight enough to leave bruises. His hips snapped into you at an incredible pace, leaving you in a state of pure bliss.

All the muscles in Yuta’s body were tensed, flexing at every slight motion. He clenched his teeth together as he felt your walls squeeze him. You were both getting closer and closer to coming undone. Yuta took pride in always making you cum first. He shoved himself as deep as he could, coaxing you to cum all over him.

“Cum for me, baby girl. You know you want to.” He lifted his head to blow hot air against your ear. You obeyed his order, unraveling in his arms, screaming his name. He did let up until he too let himself relax into you, letting out breathy moans and curses as he coated you walls and filled you to the brim.

His seed dripped from your core as he pulled away from you. Most of the rest of the night was hazy. You don’t remember what happened after, you just remember melting into the floor of the coat closet after Yuta fucked you.

You woke up the next morning surrounded by the soft comforter of your bed. Someone must have brought you home. Your head ached from last nights shenanigans and you felt sick to your stomach. The queen-sized bed always felt too big for just you, but it was rare that Yuta would stay. He always left for work before you woke up.

Your found the spot to your left empty, as usual. The clock to your right read “11:27”. Johnny wanted you there at 2 so you had some time. Your head was killing you, so you instinctively grabbed a handful of prewrapped joints from the drawer and left your room briefly to grab a beer from the fridge, not thinking of possible consequences.

You spent the next hour and a half in a cloud of careless bliss.

***

The cords were all blurring together as you tried to match the color-coded wires to each input. Maybe you shouldn’t have smoked that last blunt or done that line of coke from the glove box of your Toyota before going to set up for the show, but who was going to stop you.

“These fucking wires won’t fucking go in the right spot!” You frustratingly yell to no one. Your hands were shakey and you could barely tell which color went where.

“Who the fuck designed this pile of shit.” “Stop, you’re making it worse.” Johnny knelt beside you, trying to pry the mess of rubber from your hands. You were defensive, pushing him away. “I can do it!”

He looked at your soft face, trying to read it for any sign that something was up. You avoid his contact, focusing the little attention you had on the cables.

“Look at me.” His voice was stern, dripping with concern. You tilted your head to look him square in the face, but the motion made you dizzy, and the lines of his angular features were blurred.

“Come on. Let’s take a break.” You stood slowly, careful not to lose balance as you followed him to the concrete ramp outside the loading dock.

“Are you high right now?” His voice was softer now, he didn’t want to cause a scene.

“Why does it matter?” “Because we’re about to do our first show, y/n. Your pupils are huge, and your hands are shaking! You can’t do a show if you can’t think straight!” His voice was growing with anger and frustration.

“Watch me!” You try to storm past him, but his figure was much larger than yours and held you back with ease.

“I’m not letting you back in there until you sober up.”

“You don’t own me I can do what I want!” You were both full blown yelling at each other for everyone to hear, now, anger had taken over. Your speech was partially incoherent and slurred, but you still yelled with everything you had. The other members couldn’t help but overhear. Taeyong rushed out immediately to see what was going on, to find you cussing Johnny out at the top of your lungs.

“What the hell is going on??” He questioned.

“She’s high as a kite and acting out because she shouldn’t be.”

“You motherfucker!” You charged at him but Taeyong quickly interjected before you could do any damage.

“What are you on?” Taeyong was trying to calm the situation as best he could.

“Just some weed. I’m not even that high, come on.” You were defensive, now pacing in front of the two men.

“Where the hell is Yuta? He should be the one dealing with this.” Taeyong turned his back on you, now mumbling to Johnny over his shoulder.

He went off, arms crossed over his chest in frustration, pacing the stage in search of Yuta. He found his twisting some screws and adjusting the drum set. Taeyong approached him, annoyed and frustrated with the both of you.

“Your girlfriend showed up high. You need to go handle it before we get kicked out.” Yuta rolled his eyes at the front man, standing from the stool placed behind the bass drum.

They reappeared behind Johnny, Taeyong’s arms still crossed, Yuta twirling a stick in one hand. You had now taken a seat on the concrete with your arms and legs crossed in front of Johnny.

“What’s going on this time?” Yuta said with an annoyed sigh.

“Look at her. She’s a mess.” Johnny pointed his elongated index finger down at you.

“And what does that have to do with me?” Yuta could be cold at times, but you convinced yourself he loved you no matter what.

“She’s your responsibility. Maybe you should make sure she doesn’t get herself killed.” Johnny was obviously annoyed with you, and it bled into his tone towards Yuta. “Or better yet, take her to get help.”

Johnny had said it many times before, but he and the other members were noticing that the drinking and drugs were getting a bit out of hand. When you would go to parties, you would keep going until you passed out, then wake up and not remember where you were. Recently, you had started showing up to work high and meeting the members to practice after a joint. Johnny, being your best friend, had been asking you to go to a therapist or rehab or something, but you told yourself you were fine.

Yuta didn’t help, either. He didn’t seem to pay much attention to you unless he wanted something.

“She’s fine. She just needs some water and a sandwich. She’ll be alright for the show.”

He went to push past the larger male to finish setting up the kit, but Johnny blocked him.

“I don’t want her to play tonight.” His voice was low and soft, but everyone heard it. Yuta stopped in his tracks, tilting his head down, then back at you, still sitting on the ground.

“Fine. But I’m not taking her home. I still have stuff to set up. You can either wait or walk.”

“I can drive myself, thank you.” You were still defensive in your tone, shifting to get up and walk away.

“Y/N, if you get in that car, I will call the police.” Johnny was serious. He was almost never serious, but he cared for you and your safety and he didn’t want you driving like this. He grabbed your arm as you turned away from him, holding a tight grip to ensure your understanding.

“Okay, okay. I’ll walk.” You yanked your arm from his grasp, glaring at Yuta still twirling a stick, before marching off.

Something was off. Your vision was getting increasingly more difficult to manage, you felt dizzy and your head was aching. You could hear your heart thumping in your ears, it was beating so loud you thought it would burst. Your whole body shook as the ground beneath you seemed to disappear.

In an instant, you fell to the hard asphalt, your mind was totally blank. Every muscle in your body was tense and shaking uncontrollably. The next thing you remember was the world going dark, while frantic voices surrounded you.

***

You woke up in a cot filled with uncomfortable fabric, only covered by a single blanket. There was a distant beeping coming from a monitor above your head. Your head was still throbbing, and your lips were beginning to crack. You felt horrible all over, like you had been hit by a bus.

“What happened?” You mumble trying to regain your vision.

“You had a seizure in the parking lot of the show. The doctors are saying it may have been an allergic reaction to something you were on.” Now becoming clearer, the room was filled with your band mates and concerned faces, including Yuta’s, who head was held low between his knees.

“We canceled the show tonight. We’ve all talked it over,” he looked around to the other boys. “and we want to take some time for you to get better. I won’t schedule anymore shows, but please, I’m begging you, please get some help.” He looked like he was about to break down into tears, something you’d never seen before.

You looked around to the other boys. Their eyes were tinted pink and puffy as they held their heads down facing the floor. Mark looked completely traumatized from the event and Yuta wiped his reddened nose with his sleeve as he exhaled deeply.