#parttrois

Having a sad day. Just want to pout and read perfect stories where everything works out. Anna Karenina isn’t doing that for me. I mean I’m not expecting the ending to turn out wonderful (I know how it ends), but I did expect a capturing love story. It’s not capturing, because I don’t like either one of them. Anna was supposed to blow me away with her charm. She is not. She’s just disagreeable. The only one I like is Constantine Levin. He’s me. All of his thoughts are just… yes. I would so marry him if he proposed to me. Kitty’s stupid. Levin deserves someone better. 

Anyway. I did what I used to do on my sad days - I binged. Major improvement from before, though; instead of bingeing bread and chocolate and ice cream (like I would have a few months ago), I stuck to apples and rice cakes with peanut butter. Healthy snacks if you don’t eat too much. Which I did. Wasn’t even hungry. Just wanted to eat. The normal reason for bingeing, I guess. (And what I have to overcome.) 

No more lapses in discipline. Tomorrow is a new day, new week. I’ll work out before work, and I won’t eat anything that I don’t need as fuel for my body. 

Seriously considering starting a fitblr, to keep my inspiration and motivation concentrated in one place. I can post work out plans and food diaries, just to keep myself in check. And people can tell me to have faith in the process, that it’s a slow one, but I’m doing everything right so I should just be patient and give my body a chance to adjust. Not that quitting is an option. I just want it to go faster. Which it definitely won’t if I keep bingeing. 

And about the pouting. I’m worrying about things I can’t affect. Decisions that have absolutely nothing to do with me, really, until they are made. It’s completely unnecessary to waste time thinking about them at all. When things are certain to change, then I can start worrying. 

But what really worries me is that I’m supposed to worry about the opposite, about there being no change. And now I’m thinking I might even be relieved if there isn’t.

No. No, I’m just scared.