ooc: Skipping Class & Drinking Tea.
I am skipping class right now because I feel like shit. I emotionally feel like a bag of turd. My tea is what is making me feel warm right now.
I just can't do this right now. I want to roleplay as Shego, it's fun. It makes me happy and when Drakken IS on, it makes my feels happy. But right now I am just feeling dead. Especially today.
I made the mistake if posting why today is depressing for me on facebook.
Now everyone is complaining that my step-father didn't get enough time, that we should be hostile and say extremely inappropriate things (I mean really nasty thoughts, torture wise).
I was going to this long, stupid story version but I don't want to waste people's time. So here is the short version.
I was abused for fourteen years. Physically, sexually, emotionally, verbally, and mentally. The sexually (thank gods) only was for one summer...the summer of 2010. I have been threatened, yelled at, kicked, beaten with a wooden spoon. I have tried committing suicide a few times. I kept this all hidden until after my 17th birthday, maybe two weeks after? I told my mother I couldn't hold it anymore (Oh yea, she knew everything that happened. I don't even want to talk about the phone calls I got while Jim was away training for some truck driving company. I just, nobody knows the tears shed because I was basically holding the family together with this disgusting secret.
I am still shocked that my junior year was my best grades.)
So blah blah, I ended up moving to my aunt's, it almost took a year just to finally go to court.
Then January 24, 2012 came. The court date. My mother btw, stood by my step-father (the abuser) through all this (though she didn't show up at all to sit for Jim). Not me. HIM. Again, I am NOT going there. Just ugh. THE LONELY ASS WEEKENDS AND SHIT BECAUSE. *deep breathe* Not going there, not going there, not. going. THERE.
Anyway. I spoke up (I actually had the guts to stand up in front of the judge AND JIM and tell her (I was lucky I got a female judge, who my casework said falls for sap stories. Score on my part right? WRONG. Jim made his story sappier. Damn dickwad.)
Yea I was strong enough to speak up for myself. My fam thinks I am some hero and shit for doing that. I don't see how, I taught myself that if shit needs to get done, do it. Don't let fears control your life.
So hours went by and he got sentenced with two years in prison and two years probation for only the sexual abuse. Which in my opinion is not bad. No it isn't what he deserves but I will take what I can get. Some places punish the victims and survivors instead. I am LUCKY.
But my friends and family don't seem to think that. I mean, aren't I suppose to be the one told that I should look at the positive of this?
Sorry for the long ass rant. I am just feeling so blue today, which is affecting my muse. I miss my sister as much as I did the second she sent that depressing text three hours after we got out of court.
Please excuse me now. I am going to curl up in bed and shrivel up now. It took me forever to type this because tears fog up my eyes. I am opening up all that I can right now with you guys. This is about 1/30th of my past right here. Maybe I will open up more, I don't know.
I want to end this though with if you read this all the way through, I love you. I love all you guys in DERP. You are like Ryan says, Ohana. The new members and the old members. You all are wonderful people.