ok but on the other hand though there are a lot of things i really dislike about myself internally like my inability to make friends/shyness/my possible social anxiety???? uhhh i talk about this a lot on my blog omfg i apologize it just fukn bothers me so much like i feel like i'm trapped in a literal cage and i want to say a lot of things to people but i'm too nervous to say anything and i just don't know how to talk to them.... and it's not like i have much to talk about anyway, i barely ever do anything. but it's been like this ever since i started school about 11 years ago and i don't want to be known as that quiet girl anymore i want to be able to easily talk to people without messing up what i want to say and to easily be outgoing with others and i want people to think i'm interesting and cool and fun and not boring or intimidating and i've been so misunderstood it sucks :( like i'm confident with myself and i'd like to be confident with other people.. i just don't know what's holding me back!!?/?!! and the more i think about it, the more it upsets me. i guess another thing is that i get ignored at school and i'm left out a lot and i've been observing everything from the outside and this is actually the first year i'm realizing all of this and i'm kinda letting it affect me... i'm not even going to lie i feel all of this on this website i mean i like talking to all of you guys because you are all lovely but still most of the time i never know what to say and i get really nervous too and wow in real life i feel like i could've made so many friends these past years and i wish i wasn't like this and i honestly don't know anymore maybe one day i'll grow out of this but it scares me because what if i never do