#parentingreals

It has taken me almost 9 months, but I have FINALLY had the AH-HA! moment.

Consoling a somewhat inconsolable baby tonight, the tears came flooding as I realised that she actually needed me.

I think I may have just had that "penny dropping" moment, where I now understand what this parenting thing is all about.

Sure she has needed me before now; feeding; changing; refereeing between her and the dog; comforting; nursing; parenting. But something tonight was different.

She has always been somewhat of a difficult baby, and although head strong, wouldn’t be fazed either way about which parent/person/family member/family pet attended to her, for as long as she received the desired attention she was fine.

She actually needed ME. Just me. Not my husband, not our 4 legged fur baby, me.

To say being overcome with emotion I feel is an overused term, yet something inside of me awakened and shed a whole new light on what it really means to me to be a parent.

Hell! I can even say I now truly understand why OTHER people have a desire for multiple children. Footnote here - specifically OTHER people, this shop is shut!

As I sat with the eventual consoled baby peaceful in my arms, I myself wept like the babe herself. For I had not believed, honestly, 100%, unequivocally believed that the parenting path which I had chosen was really the right fit for me. I mean sure, I had managed to keep her alive and breathing and away from harm for all this time, yet was always second guessing myself, questioning if she was going to grow to resent me - especially on the days where no matter what I did, it was useless, I was useless.

I think I’ve got it now, a bit slow on the old uptake, but I got there. Through a box of tissues, a baby wipes for panda mascara, but I got there.