#parentalissues

"What is a home if not the first place you learn to run from"

~Courtney Love Prays to Oregon, Clementine von Radics

As a Desi child, I've grown up hearing things like "I feed you and give you a house and this is how you repay me?" addressed to me, my friends, my cousins, kids in various forms of media, as far as I can remember. But something I don't understand is, why do parents want credit for keeping their children alive and making sure they dont die? That's the barest minimum you have to do as a parent, keeping your kid alive. That's saying "since I keep you alive, that makes you obligated to me. You owe me for making sure you don't die."

Which is a strange thing to brag about. You keep our dog alive, too. Why isn't he asked to achieve outrageous academic accomplishments, hug people he doesn't even want to speak with, dress in the way you'd like him to dress, speak in the way you'd like him to speak and change his entire personality and sacrifice his happiness so you could be happy?

As Elena Alvarez from One Day At A Time said, the bigger person should not have to be the kid. Why do you expect your child to behave like an adult when you treat them as if they still suck a pacifier? Why do you expect children to stop going to art classes so they can focus on their education, even when it makes them miserable? Why is your reputation and your bragging rights due to their achievements more important than the happiness of your child, a human being that never asked to be born? Why do you revel in making them feel like they owe you for a life they never asked for?

I can’t really say I’ve had experience in this issue but I really think explaining to him what you just explained to me as directly/honestly as you can would be best? any relationship requires open communication and… even if your dad doesn’t take it too well, at least he will have heard your side of the story and hopefully in due time he will understand and respect that. it may even, over time (because hey now, you deserve that time to process 5 years without your dad and just like, you deserve to not feel guilty about needing space too), it could work things out between the two of you.

I’m sorry if this isn’t much help, I think if I was in your position I’d do this though…

I was able to discuss three taboo topics while still having a decent meal with my parents...what is this?!

Gift from his estranged sister

Doing Christmas (which is also his birthday) on the other side of the country with the boyfriend's grandmother