I just came out as genderqueer to my parents and they don't believe me and they say they can't use my pronouns and stuff and I just feel really horrible I'm sorry I'm telling you this I just needed to tell someone who'd understand.
i'm so sorry friend, i totally understand what you're going through :c this is an awful thing to go through and i'm sending you a lot of good vibes. please stay strong nonnie, there is always hope that they'll come round one day!! here are some things that will hopefully help:
be as confident with your identity as you feel you can be. whether that is dressing the way you choose, coming out to others (friends, classmates, at your place of work), or something more assertive such as correcting your parents' pronoun usage. stay safe and put your own needs first, but let them know that this is important to you.
try and explain how you feel in a letter. i really struggle with speaking to my parents because i get too emotional and then they don't take me seriously. if you write a letter or email, you can reword it as many times as you want until it says EXACTLY what you want it to say, and you don't even have to be present when they read it. In fact, you don't even have to give them the letter - just writing it can help sort your feelings out and make you feel better.
be consistent. by this i don't mean 'be the same all the time', your gender identity and expression can be fluid obviously. what i mean is, let your parents know, in small or large ways, that this is not going to change. every now and then, whenever you can work up the courage, find a way to tell or show them that you're still genderqueer and still the same person they know and love. (i did this by applying for university under a different title, and changing the title on my bank and rail cards. long term changes like this will demonstrate that you're serious. but it could also be something small, like having a friend round and asking them to emphasise using your correct pronouns!!)
get another adult on your side. this could be another relative, a friend's parent, a teacher or counsellor. in my experience, it took another adult to make my parents sit up and listen. particularly adults that your parents respect, such as teachers or doctors. this is a bit of a danger zone, as your parents could take this as someone telling them how to raise their child - but again, this could be something as simple as getting a friend's parent to use the right pronouns in front of your family, to show they accept you. (in my case, i took my mum to a hospital appointment and the psychologist took on a very disappointed and shocked tone when i said how unaccommodating my family had been. adults don't like looking like bad parents in front of other adults, it embarrasses them.)
put your needs first. if you don't feel safe in your home because of your gender, please try and find a way to leave. if your mental health is being negatively affected because of your family's attitude, then let someone know. heck, try letting them know. don't be afraid to guilt your parents - tell them (in a letter if you can't face to face) about your dysphoria, how awful it feels to hear the wrong pronouns every day, how much it hurts that they don't believe you when you trust them with something so important. i'll repeat it - do not be afraid to guilt your parents. they may want what's best for you, they may care for and love you, but ignoring and suppressing your identity is the exact opposite of this and they need to know this.
and lastly, remember that you're not alone. if the worst comes to the worst and your parents never come to accept you, all you have to do is hang on until you can get out of there. there will always be people who accept you for who you are, who will help you and support you, and if your family aren't among these people then they don't deserve you. it hurts and it's awful but you are not alone.Â
any time you want to vent, feel free to message me, on or off anon. if you want to ask for my skype, facebook or email, feel free - i'm always happy to talk (or just listen). i wish you all the best nonnie <3
