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As soon as the ringing stops, he doesnāt even wait for Jeremy to say hello, just says in a rush, āDid you know Cib would be here?ā (Parker/Cib post-breakup AU, 2.6k)
AUcember || title lyricĀ || read on ao3
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The weird thing about small-town grocery stores is they all have maze-like layouts. The logic is there, but itās not designed to make sense to anyone who doesnāt live in town, or anyone who doesnāt come to this store twice a week to pick up essentials.
Parker knows a thing or two about small town grocery stores, but heās never been to this one before. Heād hoped to avoid this, but thereās only so much small-town takeout that he can survive on before he needs some other kind of food. Even if that food is canned green beans, which seems to be the only thing he can find in the aisle.
Heās so busy scouring the shelves looking for⦠something, he doesnāt know what, but it has to be better than canned green beans, that heās totally not prepared when he walks face-first into another person.
āOh, sorry,ā Parker says on autopilot, before his brain catches up. He knows this cologne. He knows the T-shirt heās staring at. Standing this close is like muscle memory, like something he didnāt realize he could never forget.
āParker?ā Cib whispers.
Slowly, Parker lifts his head to meet Cibās eyes. Cib is staring at him like heās seeing a ghost, like Parker is going to disappear. Parker wishes he could disappear.
Parker swallows. His throat is dry. He has to reach to the shelf next to him and grab on to steady himself. He doesnāt remember what he was looking for anymore. āHi,ā he says, and heās proud of how level it is, how unaffected he sounds.
āYouāre here,ā Cib says in disbelief. āYou- weāre in Illinois, what are you doing here?ā
āJeremy booked me tickets. Something about small-town inns being good for writers, but I think he just wanted me out of the house for a week.ā
āA week.ā Cibās eyes skate down Parkerās face, up his body. āYouāre here for a week?ā
āThree more days.ā Parker glances down. Theyāre still standing close. Not touching, but he wouldnāt exactly say thereās room between them. His hand drifts up the shelf until heās gripping a can of⦠something. āWhat about you?ā
āI-ā Cib clears his throat. āSami Joās visiting family. She asked me to come.ā
āOh,ā Parker says. Thereās a roaring in his ears. Of course heās here for Sami Jo. Of course sheās here too. āThatās⦠thatās good.ā
āItās good,ā Cib agrees. Something in his face twists. āItās good to see-ā
Parker lifts the can of whatever heās holding and takes the smoothest step backwards that he can. He stumbles, a little, but the important part is that thereās room between him and Cib. It makes it a little easier to breathe.
He holds up the can like itās going to shield him from the actual hurt in Cibās eyes. āGotta go,ā he says. āThe, uh, the books, they donāt write themselves, Iāve gotta-ā
āParker,ā Cib says, looking desperate. āWait. I havenāt seen you since-ā
āNot now,ā he says. Heās white-knuckling his can of- he glances at it- of crushed tomatoes. The aisles in the grocery store are too narrow. He shouldnāt have come here. He shouldnāt have let Jeremy kick him out of the house, or decided to eat anything other than takeout, or dated Cib for three years, or broken up with him seven months ago. He shouldnāt be here, and the aisles are closing in. āI have to go.ā
Itās stupid, but he walks past Cib on the way out. Maybe itās masochism, maybe itās just the fastest way to the door of the grocery store. Either way, thereās a moment of electricity as he moves past Cib. Like his body is calling out to Cibās even as he walks away.
Cib doesnāt move. He doesnāt even bother saying anything. That, more than anything, is how Parker knows heās upset. But Parker doesnāt care about that. Parker doesnāt get to care about that, because Cib is his ex-boyfriend, and Cib is here with Sami Jo, and heās not the person who cares for Cib when he gets like this anymore. Heās not the one whoās going to pull Cib down on the couch and wrap his arms around him and wait for him to be able to talk again. Heās not going to kiss Cibās temple and hum useless melodies until Cib tries to sing along, like he knows what Parkerās thinking before Parker thinks it.
He doesnāt realize heās crying until heās outside the grocery store and the wind hits his face. He doesnāt even remember buying the can of tomatoes. Heās going to have to order takeout again. Somehow, he thinks thatās going to be worth it.
#
Missed Call
Sami Jo Siedband (4)
#
He calls Jeremy, because thereās nothing else for him to do, nobody here who he can turn to. As soon as the ringing stops, he doesnāt even wait for Jeremy to say hello, just says in a rush, āDid you know Cib would be here?ā
Jeremy doesnāt answer at first. Parker waits it out, because he knows Jeremy is doing some kind of internal math to figure out the answer. God, he mightāve known that Cib would be there. Itās not the kind of thing heād put past Jeremy.
āNo,ā Jeremy says at last, and Parkerās breath catches. Jeremy sounds⦠well, Parker canāt identify most of Jeremyās emotions, but he knows that this is one of them. āHere as in the hotel?ā
āI donāt know.ā Parker swallows and digs his spoon a little deeper into the can of crushed tomatoes. Heās not even eating it, just⦠re-crushing them. āHe said heās here visiting Sami Joās family with her.ā
āAh.ā
āYeah.ā
āBut you didnāt see her.ā
āNo, I didnāt see her.ā He smashes down some of the tomatoes. Some of the liquid from the can sloshes up onto the desk. āI donāt know what Iām going to do.ā
Thereās another long pause, which Parker takes to eat a spoonful of the tomatoes. Itās disgusting. He hates tomatoes. He eats another spoonful.
After another minute, Jeremy says, āIf you want to come back, Iām not doing anything that I canāt delay. The house is still in livable condition.ā
āI donāt think I can leave,ā Parker says miserably. He keeps thinking about the look on Cibās face and the way his voice sounded when he said Parkerās name, for the first time in months. āIām depressed, and I donāt want him to be the reason I donāt do things.ā
āOkay,ā Jeremy says, more kindly than Parker expected. āIf you need anything, just call me. Plane tickets home or an assassination or most things in between.ā
āNeither of those.ā Parker pauses. āYet.ā
Jeremy makes a little noise that Parker has come to know as his version of laughing. āIāll be in touch,ā he says, and hangs up.
Forty minutes later, two pizzas appear at Parkerās hotel room. It is, Parker supposes, Jeremyās midway point between plane tickets and an assassination. Whatever it is, itās better than the can of crushed tomatoes.
#
The thing is, then he makes a stupid mistake, which is: he leaves the hotel again the next day. He doesnāt go to the grocery store, even though he still needs fresh food and also knows Cib will probably be avoiding it. No, instead he goes to the coffee shop, with a notebook and noise cancelling headphones.
It seems, for about an hour, like nothing bad is going to happen. He sits in the corner and works on outlines for a while. His books arenāt bestsellers, but theyāre popular with twelve-year-old boys, so heās going to keep writing, because God knows that twelve-year-old boys could use all the good books that they can get.
And itās good. He gets into a groove, he outlines a couple chapters, heās working his way through a problem section and listening to pop music and everything is fine. Everything is fine until Sami Jo sits down across from him and pops one of his headphones off.
Parker flinches back, his body reacting before his brain has even caught up with the situation. It takes him a minute to process that itās Sami Jo, actually here in front of him. He hasnāt seen her in a few months either, and sheās glaring at Parker like he kicked her puppy.
Well, he sort of did, he figures. He upset Cib, itās the same thing.
āSam- uh, S-ā he swallows, pulls his headphones off the rest of the way, drops his pen to the table with a clatter. āHey?ā
āYou need to stop avoiding him,ā Sami Jo says, matter of factly.
Parker flinches. āI donāt think thatās a good idea.ā
āI donāt think what youāre doing is a good idea!ā
āWe broke up,ā he says, and it still feels like glass in his mouth. āWe should- I donāt- I canāt just be friends with him, not after something like that.ā
āHe still wonāt tell me why you broke up,ā Sami Jo says exasperatedly. āAnd itās really sweet of him to, I donāt know, spare my feelings or whatever he thinks heās doing, but Iām tired of him moping about you.ā
Parker chews on his lip for a second. He wants to ask if Cib is doing okay, but thatās not his business anymore. Instead, he says, āWhy are you visiting family?ā
Sami Jo shrugs. āI just havenāt been in a while. And my girlfriend couldnāt come because of work things, but I didnāt want to go alone, so Cib offered to come with me.ā
āGirlfriend,ā Parker repeats. That doesnāt make sense. Sheās here with Cib. āGirlfriend?ā
Sami Jo blinks at him. āOh,ā she says, with too much understanding in her voice. āOh, Parker, honey, heās my best friend, but I donāt think he would love me, even if he wanted to try. Heās never gonna have eyes for anyone but you.ā
Parker blinks a couple times. āI donāt even really remember what we were fighting about,ā he says. His voice sounds far away. Heās too busy thinking about their apartment- Cibās apartment. Heād been so worked up that he hadnāt been thinking about what he was saying, not really. Cib probably remembers every word that they said, heās uncanny like that, but Parker just remembers the yelling. The weird knot in the pit of his stomach. The voice in his head that whispered that this was it, this was going to be it, and Parker had tried to ignore it until he realized it was right.
Sami Jo is looking at him. He thinks she mightāve said something. Heās not sure. He thinks his hands are shaking.
She reaches across the table and gently flips his notebook shut. āYou two are both idiots,ā she says, but he can hear the real affection in her voice. āAnd youāre going to thank me for this later.ā
Parker looks up. Heās not even surprised when he sees Cib standing a few yards away, hovering, looking uncertain.
āIāll be back in ten minutes,ā Sami Jo says firmly. āAnd if it looks like everything is going up in flames, Iāll take him away. But you two should talk. Just for a little bit.ā
āI donāt know what to say,ā Parker says. Or, he thinks he says it. Itās barely a whisper. He thinks he might be having trouble breathing, but itās hard to tell.
āHey.ā Sami Jo grabs his hand and squeezes, not an affectionate squeeze but a death grip. It pulls him back into his own body. āTen minutes. And if Iām wrong I will never bother you about this again, either of you. Okay?ā
āNo,ā Parker says, but sheās already getting up. āSami Jo-ā
āIām doing this because I miss being your friend,ā she says, and that one⦠she probably means for it to guilt him, and it works. Heās definitely been avoiding Sami Jo along with Cib, and thatās not fair to her. āTen minutes. Please.ā
Parker glances back at Cib, whoās still watching them. If he didnāt know Cib so well, heād think that Cib wasnāt nervous at all. But he knows all of Cibās tells. āOkay,ā he breathes.
Sami Jo pats his shoulder as she goes over to talk to Cib. Parker takes the opportunity to straighten up his things, as methodical as he can manage. Coffee cup on the side of table against the wall. Notebook in bag, headphones in pocket. Cell phone on table, ready to call Jeremy if he needs an escape before Sami Jo comes back. He straightens the collar of his T-shirt, like thatās going to help him breathe easier.
He can hear Cib coming, almost like Cib is making his footfalls as loud as possible. He probably is, actually. Parkerās not surprised when Cib slides into the chair across from him, sprawled out bonelessly. āSo,ā he drawls, āhear you wanna talk shop.ā
Parker has a lot of things he wants to say, but he canāt remember any of them right now. He needs a minute to just be⦠overwhelmed. And he is overwhelmed, by everything Cib is doing, by the sheer proximity of him.
Cib must pick up on his hesitation, because he keeps going. āOr maybe you wanna talk chop, you know, no matter how you slice it, no matter how you dice it. Samuel Josephine thinks itās a good idea but I think itās a roll of the dice, you know, sugar and spice-ā
āI miss you,ā he says, not quite of his own accord, and Cib stops. Every bone in his body tightens, like heās frozen in this relaxed sprawl, like he canāt move. Parker wants to reach out to him, but heās pretty sure he still canāt move either. āKind of a lot.ā
Slowly, Cib straightens his posture, until heās sitting a little more like himself, like heās paying attention. āYou havenāt talked to me in months,ā he says, somewhere between cautious and heartbroken, and Parkerās chest aches. āI havenāt seen you since you moved out. I thought we would at least be friends afterwards, but you were just⦠gone.ā
Parker opens his mouth, closes it. Cib waits him out, because he was always good at that. At handling Parkerās silences, and Parkerās nerves, and Parkerās⦠everything.
āI donāt know how to love you halfway,ā Parker says at last, and he can feel his voice cracking. His throat is raw, but he canāt cry, not yet, not now. āI thought⦠I thought it was always going to be all or nothing with you and me. And so I ended up doing nothing. But it was horrible. It was always horrible without you.ā
Cib reaches to take Parkerās hand, but Parker can see the exact second that he thinks better of it and freezes, hand hovering centimeters above Parkerās. āIām tired of being without you,ā he says, in this horrible, candid way that makes Parker want to collapse into his arms. āI donāt know how we can fix this but I want to. If you want to.ā
Parker sucks in the deepest breath he can manage and grabs Cibās hand. āI want to,ā he says, and presses his thumb into the back of Cibās hand, the way he always used to.
Cib lets out a sigh, tension bleeding out of every molecule of him. He opens his mouth, like heās about to say something, but he looks at Parker and shakes his head. āI want to,ā he echoes, reverently, like this is something magical and incredible. Parker thinks that maybe it is.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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