#paranoia ray

TW: Morally Grey/Unsympathetic Patton, Outing Someone, not Accepting someone,  Transphobia?, mentions of fighting someone

For most sides, the mindpalace was divided into light and dark and that was it.  Once you were officially one or the other, you didn’t cross sides, even if you had family on the other side.

Virgil took one look at that rule and said fuck that.  Just because the three lights had accepted him didn’t mean he was going to abandon the rest of his family.  

I mean sure, he fought with Dee...a lot, and Virgil wouldn’t hesitate to punch him if he thought he deserved it, but it wasn’t like he really hated him.  And sure Remus could be overwhelming, but that’s literally no way he was going to leave his prank war buddy behind.  

And of course, there was nothing any of the lights could do to make him leave his sister behind. Ray was already stressed enough being Paranoia without having to worry about the fact that he wouldn’t be there for her.

It did take a bit of adjusting once he was accepted, but every chance he got he headed back over to the dark side to hang out with everyone.  It wasn’t until Ray had to start showing up in videos that things started getting complicated.

Virgil popped into the dark side one day to see Ray groaning, her head on a table, Dee rubbing her back, and Remus cackling.

“....Did I miss something,” Virgil asked.

Remus was the one who responded.  “Roro decided when writing the script that it was about time for Paranoia to start showing up, he said it would give the viewers more backstory or smthg like that.”

Virgil decided to ignore how Remus somehow said smthg, knowing the video was more important.  “And Ray’s going to have to shapeshift so the others don’t find out,” he realized.

Both Remus and Janus nodded as a muffled “I don’t wanna shapeshift,” came from Ray, making Virgil chuckle and walk over.

“How you doing Ray?”

With that, Ray looked up at her brother.  “Anyway you can convince Roman that Paranoia doesn’t need to show up in the videos so I don’t have to do this?”

“Sorry Ray, however I can promise that considering my utter hatred of the dark sides I’m going to show up whenever Paranoia does to make sure he doesn’t overwhelm Thomas.”

That caused all of the three to start snickering.  “All right, I trust you V.”

Fortunately, until the incident, Virgil hadn’t needed to step in for anything.  Ray left before everything got to be too much and all the darks hung out after to make sure she was okay.

Until the day Patton decided to follow Paranoia, apparently planning to keep yelling at them even as they tried to head back to the darks.

Virgil didn’t know how he knew but he had this weird sense that something was wrong.  So the second Logan and Roman were distracted, which wasn’t too hard as they arguing with each other again.

Upon sinking out, Virgil popped back in to see Ray, back in her normal phone and Patton yelling at her.

“What exactly is going on here,” Virgil growled.  Ray glanced over to Virgil and Patton looked over and both looked relieved.  

Oh, so Patton thought he was here to help him did he?

“Oh, you didn’t need to worry about Virgil.  I’m just dealing with Paranoia here real quick, I’ll be back as soon as I get through his head that this is just some silly delusion.”

Even before Ray flinched, that made Virgil glare at Patton.  “And what makes you think I’m here for you Patton?”

That made Patton look over in surprise as Virgil stalked over and pushed Ray behind him.  “After all that’s my sister you’re threatening.” 

Patton’s eyes shot between Virgil and Ray, clearly starting to compare the two of them.

“Patton I don’t care what you were trying to do, but you’re going to leave now,” Virgil said, still glaring.

Patton glanced between the two again before sinking out.  The second Patton was gone, Ray collapsed slightly but Virgil made sure he had her.

“He’s gonna tell the others,” Ray muttered, starting to spiral slightly, “They’re all gonna hate me and make me go back to how I was and-”

“Alright enough of that,” Virgil said, placing his hands on Ray’s shoulders to ground her.  “Here’s what we’re going to do.  We’re going to have a movie night with Dee and Remus to calm you down.  I’ll deal with the others later, and I’m making sure Patton isn’t allowed near you until he apologizes.”

Ray nodded as they went to do just that.  They thought they would be fine for the night but Logan showing up changed everything.  

They all heard the footsteps before Logan got there, making Ray huddle deeper in the couch and others glance back, all ready to attack if needed.

None of them expected it to be Logan who showed up.  “..Lo what are you doing here,” Virgil asked.

“I needed to let you know something,” Logan said, panting slightly.  It almost seemed like he had run.  “Patton told us about Paranoia.”

Ray immediately froze. Virgil could sense her starting to shake.  “And how does everyone feel about that,” he asked Logan, ready to fight if needed.

“Well, Roman is currently chewing Patton out for doing so, especially considering we both know he wouldn’t have done this if it was one of Thomas’ friends and not a side who had come out. I figured you’d want to know so I headed this way but I did tell Roman you’d probably want to fight him too so to wait to do that,” Logan explained, during which Ray peeked from her spot on the couch.

“You guys aren’t mad,” she asked quietly.

“Why would be bad, just because we’re a part of Thomas doesn’t mean that we have to be exactly like him, I know for a fact that Roman is aro, when Thomas clearly isn’t.  Why should you being a girl be any different than that.”

“Alright I’m going to be back,” Virgil said getting up, “Lo it might be better for you to stay here cause I’m not going to go easy on Patton for outing my sister.  Remus, I’m borrowing your mace.”

Everyone knew about Creativity’s split.  It was just a fact, Creativity Split, and became two halves which people now know us as Roman and Remus.  What was less known, besides Janus who was there to witness it, was Fear’s Split.  

While what caused Creativity’s Split wasn’t clear, it was clear that for Fear, it was only because as Thomas grew, he needed two types of fear, which ended up being Vigilance, or as the Light Sides saw him at first, Anxiety, and Paranoia.  

And so Phobos, which had been fear’s name up until what happened, became Virgil and Rachel.  No one was sure why Paranoia ended up a girl, but they figured it would be fine as long as the light sides didn’t find out, as they weren’t sure what they would do if they found out.

And for the longest time, the four of them, the four being Janus, Remus, Virgil, and Rachel of course, were like a family.  No that’s wrong, they weren’t like a family, they were a family.

The keyword there being were.

Rachel wished Virgil had never found out the light sides were filming those stupid videos.  The videos Roman had come up with.  The ones that were supposed to help Thomas work through his issues.  Of course, the light sides thought they were included in Thomas’s issues.  But if Thomas was actually talking to the others, then they might as well.

“I think it might be best for me to go,” Virgil said one day as they were discussing who should go, “It will probably be easier for them to accept me.  Uh, no offense to the rest of you of course.”

Janus nodded in understanding.  “That’s not completely understandable Virgil.  It’s not like Remus would completely freak Thomas out.  And Rachel definitely wouldn’t panic, not even taking into account that she wouldn’t have to shapeshift considering the light sides definitely know that Rachel is a girl.  And the others definitely wouldn’t talk over me.”

Remus grinned, extremely proud of himself while Rachel nervously scratched the back of her neck.  “Didn’t have to call me out like that,” she muttered.

Janus just sent a smirk in her direction, causing Rachel to playfully glare back at him.  

“I’ll pop in on the next video,” Virgil said.  “Try to get them to listen to us.  Or at least listen to me, which will get them to start listening to you once they start trusting me.”

“Uggg, does that mean I have to practice my shapeshifting,” Rachel groaned.  Everyone else in the room chuckled, knowing how Rachel felt about shapeshifting.

“Don’t worry Ray, I’m sure you’ll have time to practice,” Virgil said, ruffling his little sister’s hair. 

Rachel nodded, smiling a bit at her brother.

And so the videos started.  It became a habit to wait for Virgil to come back so they could rant about the light sides together.  But one day Remus was off fighting….something, Rachel to this day still didn’t know what he had been fighting.  And she kind fo had a little panic attack over something.  Not enough that it would spread to Thomas but enough that she needed some time to calm down.

When she had calmed down enough to join Dee and Virgil she had come back to see them fighting. “...Vee? Jan?  What’s going on,” Rachel asked softly.

Janus looked up in surprise but Virgil took the opportunity that Rachel had given him to storm off to his room and slam his door.  Rachel flinched slightly.  “Janus, what happened?”

“Virgil and I didn’t have a fight.  I won’t try talking to him once we’ve both calmed down.”  Rachel could tell there was something that Janus wasn’t telling her.  She wasn’t sure what it was or what it was about, but there was something there that Janus just wasn’t telling her.  As much as she wanted to ask, all of the possibilities of what could happen started circling in her head and she decided against asking him, so instead she made a mental note to ask Virgil later.

Rachel nodded slightly.  She already knew she probably wasn’t going to be able to sleep tonight, between the small panic attack she had and all the worries currently circling through her head, so she’d talk to Virgil when he left his room later.

“I won’t be in my room if you need me, Ray,” Janus said.  “I don’t just need some time to myself.”

Rachel nodded a bit, heading to her room to grab her sketchbook for something to pass the time.

Rachel spent a long time drawing, her thoughts too hectic to even try to sleep until she heard a door open.  She glanced at the clock first.  Oh oops, was it already 2?  Then she glanced at the door.  “Virgil,” she whispered in confusion.

Virgil froze guiltily before turning back to Rachel.  “Hey Ray, you shouldn’t be up, it’s late.”

“Hypocrite,” Rachel replied, giving him a look.  It was only then that Rachel saw the bag Virgil was carrying.

“Virgil, what’s with the bag?”

Virgil cursed slightly, he probably thought Rachel wouldn’t notice.  “It’s nothing Ray.”

Rachel just gave her brother a look, knowing that he wasn’t telling the truth.

Virgil sighed.  “I’m leaving for the light sides.”

This time Rachel was the one who froze.  Virgil was leaving?  He was leaving her.  But she needed him.  “But you can’t.”

Virgil shook his head.  “I have to Ray.  It’s not right for me here.”

“But I need you, you can’t leave me,” Rachel cried.  The rustling in her head started to grow into a storm.”

“It’s better for me this way Ray, besides, I can still visit you,” Virgil said with a smile.

“Roman said the same thing to Remus,” Rachel spat, her Thoughts getting louder and louder.

Virgil recoiled at that.  “We won’t be like that.”

“And how do you know Virgil?  About they were separated Roman didn’t visit Remus once.  I can’t lose you.  Please...please don’t leave me. I need you.”

Virgil hesitates before shaking his head.  “No, I have to.  I can’t stay here.  You could always come with me, Ray.”

“You’re asking me to choose between you and our family,” Rachel sobbed, barely holding back her panic.

“They’re not my family anymore,” Virgil said coldly.

“I’m not going to abandon them,” Rachel said, “Virgil please, I don’t know what I’m going to without you.”

“I’m sorry Ray,” Virgil said, turning back around and walking out.  

Prologue 

Real quick note: Ray means Paranoia Ray (like this chapter) Rachel means normal Ray Even before she completely woke up, Ray could tell something was off.  Even before she opened her eyes, everything seemed too bright.  Her room was never this bright.  Ray slowly opened her eyes and that only confirmed how off everything was.

Her room...if it even was her room, was now a shade of lavender, far from the dark purple that could barely be distinguished from the black that had been Virgil’s room.

She wrapped the jacket she had fallen asleep in, the one she had stolen from Virgil right before… Ray shook her head trying to block the memory as she began looking around the room.

Of everything in the room, it was a picture frame that made her stop.  Sure there was stuff she wouldn’t have in her room, along with stuff she knew she had, but the picture frame was the biggest shock.

Well, it wasn’t necessarily the picture frame, it was what the picture was. In the front was her.  Except her hair was longer and she knew for a fact that she had never worn that outfit.  She also looked a lot happier then she had ever remembered being...even before Virgil had...she had never been that happy.

That and..she was herself in front of all of the others.  Not just Janus and Remus.  Not just the other dark sides who knew.  Everyone.  And everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, no one seemed to be fighting.

It could have been forced after all it was a picture...but everyone smiles seemed genuine…

Something had to be up then.  There’s no way they’d all get along like that. There’s no way the light sides would have gotten along with them that easily.

Ray could feel the thoughts swirling in her head just from the picture.  Stay calm Ray, you don’t need the lights coming to yell at you when you’re not even awake enough to transform into ‘Paranoia.’  

Ray took a breath trying to calm down, glancing around the room for something- anything that could help calm her down.  Before she could do that, she heard a knock on the door and immediately heard the thoughts get louder as soon as she heard who it was.

“Kiddo? Is everything okay in there?”

She hadn’t meant to get anxious enough to summon Patton.  Oh god, he hadn’t hurt the others, had he?  Were Dee and Reem still okay?  Again, her thoughts got louder and she was having trouble staying calm.

“Ray,” Patton asked, trying to get her attention.  Ray froze at that.  How did he know.  She had made sure to keep it a secret from that lights, terrified of what Patton might do.  Ray stumbled back tripping over something.

Patton must have heard her stumble as the door opened and Rachel didn’t even have time to do anything except stumble back trying to get away from him.

But Ray definitely didn’t expect Patton to look at her with a look of confusion. “Ray?”

Ray just looked up at Patton in fear to scared to say anything.  Something seemed to click with Patton, and he left a shaking Ray, though he left the door open.

Ray thought she faintly heard something about a code Lavender, but was too frightened to do anything about it.

Ray pulled Virgil’s old hoodie even closer and curled up a bit.  She didn’t know what was going on.  How did Patton know her name?  What was a code Lavender?  And why did Patton seem more confused than angry about seeing her?

The thoughts in her head were getting loud enough that she had started curling in on herself.

She heard hurried footsteps in front of her door and upon glancing up saw...was that Dee and Virgil working together?  But they never got along..were they working together to help her?  And had Patton gotten Dee?  But he didn’t like Dee.

“Hey Ray it’s going to be okay,” Virgil said immediately heading up to her while Dee held back, seemingly realizing something.  “I’m right here for you.”

“Y-you came to help me??  B-but you never h-have before?”

That seemed to confuse Virgil a weird look appearing over his face.

“Rachel,” Dee said calmly, “Can you tell me what we did last night, my memory isn’t a little fuzzy.”

Ray nodded a bit.  “I-I had gotten summoned for a video because Thomas g-got Paranoid.  S-so the other y-yelled at me like normal and w-we had a movie n-night.”

That only seemed to confirm something Dee had suspected.  “You aren’t our Ray.”

While Ray froze at that, Virgil turned back to Dee, having realized the same thing. “But then where’s our Ray?”

“I-i’m s-sorry,” Ray stuttered out, now shaking.  “I-i d-didn’t m-mean-,” she started to say.

Dee recognized the signs of panic and spoke softly to her.  “Hey, we’re not mad or upset at you.  We’re just trying to figure out what’s going on.”

“Hey didn’t Logan say he was performing an experiment last night?”

‘I think you’re right Virgil, I’ll go ask him about that and explain the situation,” Dee said before he headed out, leaving Ray alone with Virgil.

Ray glanced over at Virgil and noticed he was just looking over at her.  That only made her more anxious.  She started to curl up a bit.

“You doing okay,” she heard Virgil ask her.  She glanced up and looked over at him in confusion.  “Sorry I just know this is probably really confusing for you.”

“I guess I’m not doing too bad,” Ray muttered.  Was she extremely anxious? Yes.  However, no one was hurting her so that was a plus. 

Virgil sighed in relief. “That’s good.  I know you’re not my Ray but...I still didn’t want to see you hurt.  Wouldn’t want to see any version of her hurt.”

Ray glanced up, a bit confused at that.  But her Virgil had left her?  Why did this Virgil seem like...he never did any of that.

“Hey, if you need anything, you can tell us, you may not be our Ray, but until we can figure out how to get you back we’ll try to make you as comfortable as possible.”

Ray couldn’t even try to suppress the look of utter confusion that appeared on her face.  But before Virgil could question it, like it seemed he was going to Dee showed back up with Logan.

“I don’t see what was so important that you had to,” Logan started before he noticed Ray.  “Oh.”

“Any idea what could have caused this,” Dee asked.

“...Just one,” Logan said, “I was doing a bit of experimenting last night.  There was this experiment last night I stumbled upon.  The chance to switch universes.  I think instead of me switching with a different version of myself, our Ray and this Ray switched. And I’m not sure how to switch them back.”