Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā & he says.. Ā ā are you INSANE like me ? been in pain like me ? bought a hundred dollar bottle of Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā champagne like me, just to pour it down the MOTHERFUCKING DRAIN like me ? would you Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā use the water bill to wipe the stain like me ? are you high enough without the m a r y j a n e like ME ? do you tear yourself APART to entertain like me ? do people whisperĀ ābout you on the TRAIN like me ? saying Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā that you shouldnāt waste your pretty face like me ?
Ā Ā Ā Ā all the people say: you canāt WAKE UP this is not a dream, you are part of a M A C H I N E - you are not a human being. your face is all MADE UP, living on a screen. low on self esteem so you RUN on Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā g a s o l i n e.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā i think thereās a F L A W in my code. these VOICES wonāt leave me Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā alone. my heart is GOLD, my hands are COLD. ā
the promises that we donāt keep - theyāre definitely the most haunting. itās been twelve hours since he got the call. twelve hours since his entire life was tippled over onto his forefront. heād not managed to get it back up since ( heāll never get it back up again ). he hadnāt eaten, he could probably count the words heād said on his hands. the entire house had become a SHELL of what it once was. aria & his mother hadnāt SPOKEN to amarion in years, yet they were just as torn as he was. maybe not - achilles liked to think he had more of a right to be upset, but he didnāt want to come across as S E L F I S H. mari wasnāt his. there had been silence ringing through the walls except the questions emitting from his totās mouth - she understood though. she understood that things werenāt right, even without him having told her a thing. sheās napping now, & the clock read 2.45PM. funeral arrangements would start tomorrow, mom says. heās not ready.
the idea of vodka comes naturally, almost like a reflex ( it is ). as soon as the younger is entwined in a slumber & heās SURE of it, heās out to the store buying the biggest bottle he can find. he canāt afford it but then again, he couldnāt afford to lose his twin. that happened, so this is happening.
relapse is an ugly word. you look up the definition in the dictionary & the first word is DETERIORATION. deterioration is a connotation of decay. you look up D E C A Y in the dictionary & it says to crumble, fall. that seems fitting, he thinks. his entire world is falling around him, itās only fair that his health does to. you know, for continuation sake. plus, itās tradition. the rostom twins could never succeed in anything: even recovery, it seems.
he takes the bottle back to his mothers house & locks himself in his room without saying a word - gigi is sound asleep next door, his mother is downstairs. itās ariaās BIRTHDAY, her boyfriend is here. yeah, she has a boyfriend & achilles canāt quite believe it. he wants to text mari, tell him & concoct a plan to attack the guy. it only seems right as big brothers. he almost goes to, & then he remembers. oh.
the first sip is like a warm hug - it embraces his body like an old friend would, like amarion would. itās soothing; the liquor burns his throat like a carving knife & he feels like itās bleeding by the time it hits hisĀ oesophagus, but he feels better for it. straight vodka isnāt a good idea. he can HEAR his twins voice in his ear, whispering for him to stop what heās doing. itās a bad idea, amarionās voice tickles. his STUPID voice. that accent that mirrors his own, that deep gravely tone which speaks only to him.Ā āyeah,ā he scoffs at the imaginary figure as he takes another sip.Ā āwell topping yourself wasnāt exactly a bright idea, was it?ā he rolls his eyes.Ā
everything is black.
he wakes two days later - he knows because of the complete intoxication in his blood, the entire thing is broken. his bleary eyes open & the first thing he feels is a tube feeding through his nose, & then thereās a doctor.Ā āyou drank an entire bottle of vodka on friday,ā he speaks slowly & achilles is finally realising whatās going on.Ā āitās now monday. you had your stomach pumped.ā achilles thinks maybe the entire thing is a dream, & that amarion is outside freaking out alongside his mother & daughter. he checks his phone just in case: no messages. at least not from who he wants.Ā
the hospital doesnāt leave him alone for days. he sits in the bed with a pounding head, brittle bones & a broken soul as he listens to abundances of doctors speak fluently of warnings & how STUPID he is.Ā āmy brothers dead.ā he mutters to the first one, & the second, & the third. thatās his excuse, & itās a fucking good one.Ā āiām sorry to hear that, but it doesnāt excuse you drinking a litre of pure vodka.ā the first one responds, & the second along the same lines. & the third, actually. achilles is beginning to wonder if they have a script, & if heās actually the starring role in a revived episode of GREYS ANATOMY. Ā
they finally let him go on thursday, & he leaves with empty promises that he wonāt drink another drop, & that he knows the warning is serious & stomach pumps are intensely severe. he leaves clutching gigi in one hand & a pamphlet in the other: how to grieve appropriately. he tosses it in the bin as soon as he gets off the premises.
gigi is sleeping on the friday, & itās an exact mirror. this time he doesnāt drink himself insensible: everyone is asleep, who would find him? he fucked ollie over, he didnāt have a BOYFRIEND or a LOVER to care for him. he had a flight back to brooklyn tomorrow, & the idea was sickening in itself. he downs three shots of vodka & a tumblr of whiskey, & heās drunk but not wasted. the good thing about being an alcoholic ( or, an ex one ) is that you can handle your liquor. in rations, obviously. he doesnāt sleep that night. he doesnāt sleep for a few nights, & heās drunk for as long as he can get away with. after all, what other cure is there? a wise man once said that a hot drink is capable of solving lifes problems: not money, not alcohol, not drugs. achilles doesnāt know who that wise man was, but itās a famous quote so he figures itās pretty fucking wise of him. a hot drink can solve E V E R Y T H I N G. breakup? have some tea! gone bankrupt? cocoa can fix that one. overworked? coffee is your friend. not this time.Ā
weeks pass & heās still drunk, still wronged, still in denial. gigi stays in new jersey with his mom & she cries when he leaves, but heās been crying for weeks & now itās someone elses turn. heās a shit parent. he drinks, & he drinks & drinks. not cocoa, or tea, or even coffee. vodka, gin & sometimes whiskey. anything to numb the pain. after all, what is he supposed to do? what does anyone do when the one person who understood you is gone? tea? coffee? cocoa?Ā
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
ā Live Streamingā Interactive Chatā Private Showsā HD Qualityā Free Actions
Free to watch ā¢ No registration required ā¢ HD streaming
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā F A M I L Y ( a funny thing )
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā itās the eighteenth of september when he gets the call. 2:34am. the Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā eighteenth of september 2020, 2:34am. he loses half of himself that day.
the idea of having a twin is unappealing - at least, to most it is. someone who looks just like you, acts just like you, speaks just like you. someone you have to share EVERYTHING with ( including womb space ). thereās simply no room in your persona for selfish behaviours when you have a twin - itās not possible. the rostom twins were always good for one thing ( they werenāt good for a lot ) - breaking the norm.
itās the eighteenth of september when he gets the call. 2:34am. the eighteenth of september 2020, 2:34am. heās drawled in a deep slumber; heās been sleeping better lately. the alcohol is long gone - it was a PACT. he recalls the promise ( later, heād learn that itād turn to be false ), word for word. you give up the drugs, i give up the booze - that fair, yeah? he recalls the look in his brothers eyes, the look of complete defeat. he recalls it & remembers it, how could he forget? itās ETCHED into his brain, carved into the muscle memory with a knife he was sure hurt like a BITCH at one point. that was over a year ago - achilles thinks theyāre doing well.
if youād of told him three years ago heād be here right now, curled up against the soft beating heart of a two year old toddler, in his old high school bedroom, achilles would of LAUGHED patently in your face. he wasnāt ever having kids, NEVER. at least that was what heād told himself - but gigi was an accident, a spur of the moment i-fucked-ollie-over-again decision - he seemed to fuck ollie over a lot: it was no surprise the man he was SURE heād spend the rest of his life with was now long gone. but gigi was the BEST thing that had ever happened to him. she was the kick he needed to quit the alcohol, get his life together, become somewhat STABLE. itās sad that her mom died - childbirth complications are a bitch, but he canāt help but feel relieved, because gigi is all his. ALL his - heād never have anything that was all his again.
heās deep in an intangible slumber when the call comes through, & he groans at the sound emitting from his phone as he untangles his limp limbs from that of his sleeping daughter.Ā ā canāt be MORNING already, fuck. ā are the first words that emit from his lips, & heās not wrong. itās only 2:34am ( technically it IS morning, but achilles isnāt that intelligent ). who the FUCK is calling him at this absurd time? he has a DAUGHTER, for goodness sake, & why arenāt they considerate. it takes him all of two seconds to realise the caller is from home ( brooklyn - thatās his home now; itās only because itās his sisters birthday that heās actually COME BACK ), & heās shocked. at least he has the dial number recognised, but why is an unknown caller from brooklyn ringing at almost three in the morning? thereās only one way to find out.
he brings the phone to his ear but manages to bury his head back into the pillow.Ā āĀ ālo? ā he mutters into the cushion, expecting a somewhat familiar voice to flood his drums. instead, heās met with the painful tone of someone heās NEVER spoken to before, someone heād wished heād never had to. he shoots up when the other party begins to speak - itās the hospital, & he doesnāt know WHY the hospital is calling him. gigi is here, safe (for good measure, he looks beside him just to check - sheās fine, sheās there ). his heart however is racing at this point: is ollie okay? what about amarion? he wasnāt amarionās emergency contact, so surely it wouldnāt concern him ( heās wrong ).
ā whatās happened? ā he speaks quickly, wide awake now. ā why are you calling me? ā he wishes & HOPES that the hospital have made a huge mistake, that they didnāt mean to call him. hospitals didnāt make that type of mistake, though, & deep down he knows that ( heās become very accustomed to hospitals since having gigi - toddlers are HARD work ). maybe itās a nightmare - yeah, a lucid, very REAL dream. real is an operative word, as in that itās DEFINITELY happening.Ā
he breathes in & bites into his lip as the other party speaks once again. ā are you achilles rostom? ā they clarify. ā yes, thatās me. ā he bites into his lip - this is REAL. this is happening. ā weāre calling about your brother, amarion. āĀ
his heart sinks. he doesnāt hear much after that.
minutes pass & the women keeps talking - he hears expletives, certain words he wants needs to hear: overdose, drugs, & then the one heās been dreading: dead.Ā ā have you.. what? have you tried to.. have you done that thing with the pads? the heart thing? ā next up: his insurance doesnāt cover it. achilles is ANGRY now, but itās the upset concealed.Ā ā fuck insurance! ā he shouts, before realising where he is, & suddenly gigi is awake.Ā ā go back to sleep, ā he mutters over at his infant, trying to focus on the phone call. ā thereās nothing we can do, iām afraid. he was pronounced dead on the scene. ā achilles frowns at that - the details are sketchy. ā scene? scene? what scene? ā the woman sighs. ā he was found in an apartment by a friend. i think it was a friend. jonah abernathy? ā his stomach twists again.Ā ā yeah, yeah. friend. ā he doesnāt bother explaining. the woman then asks where he is, & if he can come to the hospital. what would be the point in that? none, he thinks. ā no, iām in new jersey. with uhm.. my mom, & my daughter. ā he explains. the doctor speaks about him telling his mother, & FUCK, he has to tell their mom. achilles canāt stay on the phone any longer, & he ends up hanging up. his thoughts are too loud - his twin, his OTHER HALF.. heās dead, gone. never coming back. heāll never hear his voice again - itās all too much. he turns to see gigi staring up at him; doe eyed & full of wonder. ā go back to sleep, ā he moves in to kiss the head of his tot, pulling the covers back over her. he has to sit with her, sit with her until she falls back to slumber.
whilst he waits he pulls out his phone once more, swinging a text to mariās phone: please tell me this is a sick joke. please. he doesnāt expect a response - mari is D E A D. he knows that, he just doesnāt want to admit it.
it takes all of twenty minutes to get gigi to fall back to sleep, & once she does, achilles takes his shaking body to stand. heās not overreacting because he doesnāt believe it. he thinks itās a joke - it hasnāt set in yet. amarion, his other half.. he canāt be dead. itās just gone three now, & he realises that nothing will ever be the same ever again.
the boy traipses into his mothers bedroom & it takes a few minutes for him to work up the courage. the courage to awaken her, shake her sleeping body & pull her out of her dream into a rightfully living nightmare. eventually he does, & she awakens straight away. their mother was always a light sleeper: she used to get up at 4am & tell the twins off for still being awake, because she heard them talking through the walls. that memory brought a cold shiver down his spine now - the twins, the TWINS. there were no more.
he doesnāt bother with beating around the bush - he cannot fathom any other words than the ones sitting on the very edge of his tongue ( he doesnāt know if heāll ever be able to speak freely again ). ā amarionās dead. ā he says & the warming smile on his mothers newly awoke face drops. ā he.. he overdosed or somethinā, ā he whispers, grimacing with a hand to his hair. ā i just got a call from the doctor. i didnāt even think i was his emergency contact. ā he canāt stop himself now, & heās crying. his mother doesnāt register it for a moment - sheās GOBSMACKED, her hand covering her mouth & tears mirroring that of his, filling her eyes. itās a long night.
the next morning brings an eerie silence over breakfast. there are lots of phone calls, lots of telling of family members. gigi doesnāt know whatās going on, he doesnāt have the heart to tell her. this is the worst birthday their sister has ever had - ha, what a story. on the twins twenty-first birthday they got so drunk they ended up on a dodgy flight to barcelona. that was a story theyād told countless times since - but aria wouldnāt have any of the sort. what happened on your twenty-first birthday? ha, funny story. my brother took a load of class a drugs & topped himself. we all enjoy that one over thanksgiving dinner. somehow, achilles didnāt think that would quite work. he canāt quite believe the man he loved & adored so dearly ( okay, he didnāt show it too much - they never were good at that kind of thing ) was gone. half of him had gone - at least, thatās what it felt like. heād never be the same again, none of them would.
heās midway through wiping gigiās mouth after sheād devoured a bowl of cereal the size of her head when the realization hits him, & he begins to feel the tears once again move against his skin.Ā ā fuck, ā he wipes the back of his hand & ignores gigiās qualms of daddy, whatās wrong? because he canāt tell her - he canāt, & maybe he never will. amarion will live in his memory forever, but gigi is too young. maybe he doesnāt have to tell her - he DOES have to tell her, he just canāt. how do you tell your three year old that her favourite ( okay, only ) uncle is dead? the parenting books never answered that question. he hears his mother on the phone & he listens: iām not coming into work today. no, iām not sick. my son is dead. he winces at that - FUCK, when did his life become this? he was just getting back on track.Ā
as he wipes his eyes & the silence continues, seeping into the air with potentially the worst atmosphere anybody could ever experience, achilles finds himself staring down into the black well of coffee heās made in the porcelian mug. he broke his promise, amarion did. he broke it, & he wonāt be able to redeem himself.
the rostom twins arenāt good for much, they never had been: being kind & loving? no. caring about anybody but themselves? not a chance. breaking hearts & promises?
