#paraasks

one of my goals with this fic was to not make them have the same typical relationship most books seem to have. I'm sure everyone's read a romance fic or book in which the MC has a crush and it's awful. as in, they never stop blushing or stammering, and MC always feels uncomfortable whenever their crush is in the room. also! the idea that you can just magically fall in love with someone at first sight and how when couples seem to merge together into one person and stop having separate lives or personalities? that genuinely sounds like a living hell. why would anyone wish to spend a lot of time or even the rest of their life with someone you barely know that makes you overheat, overthink, stress, etc? and why would you spend every waking hour with the same person, merging your interests and lives together so thoroughly that you can't tell them apart?

I wanted to write a fic that didn't feel like that. but also, I wanted to write a fic that has variation in how attraction/romance is portrayed, because Mapicc's experiences (thinking of Minute's physical appearance and blushing around him as well as other things) fit closer with the typically written idea of romance than Minute's. but they're both still valid ways of experiencing attraction, and you don't need to be experiencing the same kind of attraction to have a relationship.

another thing I considered in this fic while writing it is that. it's rpf. meaning, there's the pressure that comes with being a YouTuber and having so much of your life public and viewable. it's less obvious, I think, and isn't a main focus, but it definitely affects the way the characters act.

one of the earliest scenes I wanted to add but decided not to was minute right after the phone call where he accidentally confessed to mapicc. he had somewhat of a panic attack, was freaking out and it was really fun to write. he almost called mapicc several times but eventually decided to just pretend it never happened. I cut it out because I couldn't resist ending it right after he realizes that he just told mapicc he loves him, it was a a perfect place to end it. plus, I didn't want to over explain it, because if I've written well enough they the readers should be able to guess that he majorly freaks out over it without me writing it out.

so there were several scenes that I cut out or changed because they were communicating too well too early. one of them, set after the 12th chapter. instead of Leo coming to break up the conversation, they (for some reason) started arguing about what they'd want to define their relationship as. I cut it out for several reasons. they were communicating too much, it quickly made both of them uncomfortable, they both clearly weren't ready for the conversation, and overall it felt OOC.

another ending to that 12 chapter I have is Minute and Mapicc simultaneously realizing that they're going to have to go back to their separate (ish) lives away from each other and both start getting really upset/sad about it I cut it out because that chapter was already long, they'd already had one emotional conversation that chapter, and it felt a little out of place.

there was another scene, in the 13th chapter, where Mapicc gets pretty upset and introspective. I cut it out because I didn't want the fic to be so in-your-face about Mapicc's internalized toxic masculinity, and besides, he's supposed to be only partially aware of it, and in the scene it came off as he was more aware of it than I wanted him to be. also, when he got pretty upset about it, he came off as more angry, and minute trying and not doing his best to help him calm down didn't help either. there's no real easy way to address something like that in one conversation, which is what they were trying to do, so I made Mapicc's thoughts go in a different direction instead. (part of that was because there was the mouse scene that I really, really wanted to happen right before that, and it was a very different tone that just wouldn't mix well)

interestingly, I wrote most of the 13 chapter from Minute's POV. the chapter got to about ~9k words and I knew I had to cut it off. for most of the fic I had a clear idea of who's POV I wanted when, but for the last few chapters it was harder to choose. I got so attached to both of them them that it was hard to decide. to be fair, both of them had very interesting thoughts and emotions during those chapters.

a scene I never wrote but thought about a lot. set in the 13th or 14th chapter, around when Mapicc's asking Minute about whether he'd want to be kissed, right after Mapicc's come to the decision that Minute doesn't want to and he's not going to. Mapicc asking Minute if it's okay if he kisses Minute in his head. as in, thinking about kissing him but not actually doing that. and Minute's response is somewhat baffled, because he doesn't really understand why someone would enjoy thinking about kissing someone else. for Mapicc, fantasizing about kissing Minute is fun because he actually wants to kiss him, while for Minute, fantasizing about kissing Mapicc is about as fun as poking a dead toad with a stick. interesting, a little disgusting, depending on how much you like poking dead toads with sticks. moreover, he decides he doesn't really care whether Mapicc kisses him inside his head as long as he doesn't tell him about it. and that cements Mapicc's suspicions that Minute doesn't really to be kissed. I couldn't find a spot for this scene, it came into my head too late to shove it in the fic anyway. it would've helped show the differences between Mapicc and Minute's attraction to each other as well as the readers, but it wasn't necessary for them to understand that it's different, so it was never written.

there are other scenes that were deleted or never written. I would've loved to have Mapicc and Rek actually talk and bond and add more to the story, but unfortunately once I was confident in how their conversation would go it was too late. similarly, I wish I could've expanded on the friendship Wemmbu and Minute have, because it's complicated and I think I could write a whole separate fic about it honestly (that is NOT happening). overall, I wish I could've included the other members as more than just side characters (or not flat side characters, at least).

also, Mapicc and Minute (in the fic) are going to have to make a plan of how they're going to navigate their relationship and not have the fans figure it out. it could lead to some really interesting scenarios that could've been fun to write.