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-Velociraptor noises-
It’s been time for a big clean of the terrariums and today was the only boy allowed. Pienna will probably be tomorrow and I’ll save Posy for next week.
He just went back in and everything is a little damp so that’s why his little calcium dish is empty.
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Only one man is allowed and it is this little bastard boy
A trilogy.
Ranking My Kids From Lowest to Highest Levels of Bastardness
1. Posy Python
A good girl. The most perfect being on the planet. She’s probably something akin to Christ. I have never loved anything as much as I love this lizard. She likes to climb under my shirt and just hang out. I have bonded so intensely to this gecko that I can’t sleep without having her in the same room as me.
2. Ferdinand
Too early to tell how bastardly he actually is. He hasn’t tried to bite me so he’s automatically less bastardly than the other two.
3. Pallas Python
Tried to bite me when I first brought him home. I called him a moldy lemon for the first six months that I had him. Likes head pats, but not being picked up. I bought him for $10 and he’s exactly what you would expect from a lizard that was only $10. Everything he touches turns to poison. I saw his genitals once and my eyes went to hell.
4. Pienna Python
She looks like an angel and when I saw her the first time we formed an emotional connection so I had to bring her home. She actively tried to bite me every time I put my hand in her enclosure for a year. She screams at me and it makes me cry. I have to wear a thick glove to pick her up because she bites very hard. I will probably never be able to handle this gecko in my life without her screaming and biting. I love her a lot, but she is the most bastardly out of all of my children and I’m very afraid of her. I worry that one day she will escape her terrarium and kill me. A summoning ritual went wrong and the devil was sealed inside of this little lizard that is now my daughter. She takes pleasure in causing others distress.
My son is...at that age.
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For sale: one son. Keeps climbing the back of his enclosure. Has no sense of self preservation.
$4.20 OBO
New terrarium for Pallas! It’s sparse right now because I wasn’t expecting to get it today.
Guess who spent the entire night scratching at the back of his terrarium, climbing it, and falling down only to climb up again? Very loudly? For twelve hours?
If you guessed my horrible, terrible moldy orange son then you are correct. He’s too stupid to negotiate with, either, so he’s been torturing me since I put him in yesterday evening.
