#p.a

May's blizzard, Mother's Day is around the corner, and I am no longer in pink house arrest. Surviving neglect isn't all cracked up to be A survivor that it is.

I used to accept so little 'cause I didn't have much ahead of me, no one taught me how to live, how to take care of myself in the same way I loved the others. I could've drowned, the way life took advantage of it, I should've drowned, instead, I screamed and made sure to hide, and never again to be found.

Today, I took a bus ride, fighting for myself no one can be a victim of circumstances forever. I take myself to all the appointments they never took me, I am not afraid to ask for help, or demand that my needs be satisfied, otherwise, what are you here for?

I take the wrong direction, it always takes me a while to get on the right track.

I am in your neighborhood, and I never meant to but that's Lauras Street? Who is she? That's where you have been hiding since we were 19? She gave you structure, endless green, and architectural love.

The way things were, The way we were raised, The past goes right through me, it allows me to let it go.

he has a beautiful smile,

and I am not Annie you'd beat anymore.

still, when I am too distracted to build forts,

between people coming and people going,

your face remains back in my mind while it's cold outside

I am looking away to a motion picture,

I still don't know what to do without you around.

he has your smile,

and it does kill me that I couldn't let it go,

after all this time,

people change their minds,

a clean-cut, and you still couldn't face me to tell why.

he likes that I am kind,

he like that I have a world of my own inside me,

but what I can expect him to do

when all they do is realize that I am not simple?

you were the only one I hoped to figure out,

and kills me to let it go, after all this time.

it's on me, after all,

I have to wake up every day and be me,

it's lonely, and I don't know what to be

when you don't see me.

he has the smile I saw a long time ago,

I was fourteen and wide-eyed,

and never went away.

I can't let it go,

I have to go without you,

I hope he kisses me,

I hope he holds my hands,

keep them warm,

I pray to be happy because he won't be you.

I love you, you are not listening,

and I am way too polite for this kind of hurt,

I am sorry, I am sorry,

I can't let it go,

but I have to go without you

through this lifetime.

I hope you're doing well,

when I am out of my hometown, I see pieces of you in places you haven't been in years. the lines of your face have gotten blurry, and I worry that I started to see you, the way I wish someone could see me.

a part of me still wishes you were the chosen one, while it's wiser to assume, you are a ghost that haunts all my what-ifs, only because you were brave enough to poison me with a kiss, out of where my feet can touch.