#ozgog

the thing is that, she's been heir to the iron throne for so long, and so much has happened since; she has had so many intense, overwhelmingly stressful and traumatic experiences — so many painful memories one after the other after the other, that the time before that point, i don't think she really remembers. like she remembers vague details spoken in stories back to her, like the rough outline of something close to solid memory, but i don't think she remembers much about how she felt, or the things that she may have wanted at the time. if she was asked, she would have no real answer.' though she would have likely given one that implied that she was in fact exactly where she wanted to be, a non answer answer that didn't make her seem too ambitious and too - as if she felt as though she benefited personally in any way shape or form from her mother's and little brother's death, but an answer that reaffirmed her dedication to her own claim. even if she did have an answer, i think she would be exceedingly weary, if not outright afraid to give that answer. as if even implying she might have wanted something else would have been used as further proof that she was unworthy of the birthright that she was attempting to claim.

and there's also the fact that ? viserys was treating her like his heir, and he had been since she was about two-three years old, after the loss of her first little brother. though in public, she was hearing, ' his daughter was his life's great joy, but a brother was a brother'. she was still, essentially serving as his heir, even if she had not had the post in name, and was essentially being groomed for a life of politics since toddlerhood - she had not known to want the iron throne before she had been named, she would not have considered it a possibility becaue everyone around her was reiterating that it was not possible. she was a girl, she was valued, she was loved, but she would not inherit, because she was not a boy, and it had been instilled in her so repeatedly that it wasn't something that pained her for her own sake, it was just the truth. it pained her for her mother, and because it was the truth of things, that meant that her mother needed to continue to suffer for duty's sake.

rhaenyra clung to the notion of duty as a coping mechanism, because it meant that there was some level of justification for what was happening to her mother - because if there wasn't, that meant that her father had been actively harming her mother, and subjecting her to loss after loss, instead of being satisified with the heir that he had in daemon - for his own selfish ends, and she was a child, who loved her father, and who loved her uncle as well, so she couldn't bear to imagine that ? conflict existing within the confines of her family tree. i think the different life she would have chosen to live would have been to serve as hand to her little brother, because before her mother died, she always held fast to the hope that this baby would be healthy, and it would be male, and if her mother had just one son, one healthy boy, her father could be content with that brother as the heir and daemon as the spare, and she wouldn't need to suffer anymore.

i think she has a lot of buried guilt about her own survival at birth that her circumstances do not allow for her to recognize. i think she feels like if she had not survived, then perhaps her mother would have been deemed barren long ago, and the marriage would have either been dissolved and aemma sent back to the vale where she would have lived, and had the chance to be happy - or, perhaps her father would have given up on the idea of an heir of his own, and her mother would have lived then, as well. i think she always wanted to be important to the crown, to be useful to the betterment of the realm at large. i do not think she ever really ' needed' the crown to consider the idea she could be, she just really wanted to stay in the red keep and to be close to her family, because she loved them. and she'd love her little brother too, even if he did take all of the attention away from her, she didn't mind, she just wanted him to be born healthy, and alive. realistically though, if she was not married to any brother that was born, she would have likely been sent away, and married to the lord of a great keep.

realistically likely jason lannister, or laenor velaryon. though, to have her had fully lived a different life, let's say she was married to jason ( i know you asked what she would choose, and i will expand on that in a moment, but i do not think her not being heir would ? i don't even think that would give her choices. because she is still the king's eldest daughter, and a dragonrider, and even without the title of heir, she is still a valuable marriage prospect, so like, short of running away, i don't know any other way to give her a choice. save for should she have accepted her disinheritance in mid 113AC, which would lead to her marrying her choice of groom, which imo, was likely harwin strong - given how quickly the two of them end up siring children together )

for the jason scenario: say aemma survived baelon's birth, and baelon survived as well, and he was invested as heir to the iron throne when he was two years old ( i say aemma survived because even if baelon survived, if aemma didn't and viserys proceeded to remarry, there would be no way she would accept leaving him to go off to be the lady of casterly rock ) beyond the initial somewhat blunted feeling of grief from being parted from her family and the reservations that she felt in marrying someone she hardly knew - both of which she had been taught to expect as an option - i think she would learn very quickly that she likes being the lady of a keep. she likes being able to plan balls, to handle the coordinating of events like hunts, feasts, the potential for the court being moved to casterly rock for a time and making sure there's enough food, there's enough chambers prepared, there's enough drink.

the show did grant jason lannister a lot more characterization then he is given in fire and blood, so that means my presumptions on what their relationship would be like is based in large part how jason is portrayed in house of the dragon. and i think she would learn in that scenario how to operate in a space where she is wholly detached from her family's seat of power. she'd discover that she likes having her own place to exist wholly away from anything concerning the crown. like she doesn't ? dislike the fact that she's a princess, it's not a particularly heavy weight here, but not existing within the tumult of such a consistently volatile environment is ? she feels like she can breathe easier. like there's a level of autonomy that exists in not inhabiting an environment where there exists the father, the in westerosi society, the male authority figure who's will she must abide by constanty - who is also the king, and thus, the predominant authority in the realm. there's no real way to gainsay what he wants, for her, because he's both her father and the embodiment of the thing that is meant to command her loyalty in it's entirety, the crown.

jason is very much frequently casually misogynistic, so i don't think it would ever turn into love between them, or even like, a real genuine friendship. i think rhaenyra would get frustrated with him often. but after she's given him multiple sons, and beyond events where their presence is expected together- she doesn't really need to bother with him that much. it's a very typical marriage between noble born people and it's not ? the love that she might have dreamt of in her youth, but it gave her her children, and it gave her a level of authority in her own environment wholly apart from the crown that exists without the severe and constant backlash that she faces in her canon. she would learn that it wouldn't necessariy give her the peace that she's been craving, but that it would give her the space to move, the space to breathe without feeling like everyone is monitoring her every movement and looking for some sign of her doing something wrong.

now if she married harwin, and she actively chose love over duty, i think she would learn that it was really what mattered most to her the entire time. that acceptance, that the promise of starting a family of her own built on love and revolving around the building a loving, accepting environment to bring up happy children that are close to one another and that love each other, is what she's wanted the entire time. and it's in making that choice, actively stepping away from what her father wanted and stepping off to forge her own path, it's that first act of autonomy that really makes it click that this is it, this is what makes her feel fullfilled. though i think being actively disinherited would crush her for a while, because it was her entire life, really. she lived and breathed her duty to the realm and to the crown for near a decade of her life. but after... i think she would find the riverlands a very comforting place, and i think, it would be the sort of environment that really allowed her to set her burdens down.

though i do think she would give over a lot of her time to the rebuilding of harrenhal, and the writing of the architectural planning for the rebuilding. i think harwin would allow her a lot of freedom and authority when it came to the running of his household once he realized that it was something that she was missing. and she did have a certain love for the handling of the political aspect of things that was ? crushed, in the midst of everything else. though she might be a lot less stressed and a lot less burdened now, there is a part of her that heavily enjoyed the work she was doing and the potential that she had doing it to ascertain the necessary influence to truly better the realm. to better the lives of innocent people. i think she would learn about herself that she staunchly prefers creation. she prefers sewing, she prefers knitting, she prefers working with building material and crunching the numbers to make the plans to rebuild buildings, and rooms and. all of that. she prefers the high harp. she prefers creation, over the destruction she could've wrought continuing down the road she had been set on. she prefers raising her children in a peaceful environment that is conducive to growth, and love, and not ? the viper's nest that was the red keep.

munday questions | accepting

@ozgog :: ' you should rest, my dear. let me help you sit somewhere. '

The wind off the ocean was sharp and cold that morning though the sun shined bright over head, and it swept into the room from the open shuttered window. Daella took a deep inhale as she leaned out the window, the breeze a delightful change to the room air.

She and Turstin's bedchamber was far from stuffy, however; far from it. The whole of the Noch sat atop great stone pillars rising above the sea, the rooms and halls of the castle carved out of the very rock face. Even the bed was stone, a hollowed out slab that, through a series of flues and pipes traveling down to large copper vats filled with boiling water the Wymond's kept beneath the keep, heated the blankets and furs above without setting them on fire. In addition to this, there were mid sized metal braziers in places the warmth of the hearth could not touch, filled with embers that smoked the dried husks of bluebells and bugleweed. The braziers themselves were topped with a fine crafted vent, each tooled with a different design by the hold's metalsmiths.

Daella's favorite was one that depicted shrikes impaling mice upon the thorns of Marissa Tulliver's blackberry bushes in the garden.

"But it is such a lovely day!" Daella protested as she bent over to lace her boots, a task that was becoming more and more difficult as she grew greater with child. "I was so hoping to go and collect shells with Ozgog this morning, before I get tired again."

spots to kiss | accepting

was it too telling ? had she seen it ? she must have, given the look on her face. somewhat softened with something he wouldn't dare to assume was affection.

pity, then ! his petulant mind provided him with, his own face hardening before he turned to refill his goblet—less to truly drink from it, & more to simply avoid being looked at when he felt as exposed as a shieldless knight amidst the battlefield.

but he was no more a knight than this was a battlefield, and only gods knew when he would get to see her again. if ever.

now here was a more unsettling notion.

"forgive me, i—" he turned to face her again, and immediately noted she was standing much closer than before. "i only meant to say that i wish you would not be leaving so soon."

was it too telling ? had she heard it ? could she sense that keeping her here was no longer about coaxing her into fighting for him ? she must have, given the kiss she planted near his widened eyes. a far gentler farewell than he deserved.

and his body moved before his mind could, as was his nature, wrapping his arms around her waist with such a sudden jerk that some of the fine wine spilled on the floor below.