#ow-

So- I think I may have mixed some stuff up when I was younger. Like thinking really wanting to be friends with someone was a crush.

And now I'm realising that someone I thought I just kinda really wanted to be friends with. Might of been a crush-

Like... he's the only person I actually miss. And feel almost sorrowful for leaving school when I did.

Especially without telling him why.

...

Like he was one of the "misbehaving" kids. (My class was full of neurodivergent kids and he was definitely one of them) but as I got to know him I kinda realised he was really kind. And smart. And funny. and just great-

And you see why I'm realising this???????

he was definitely neurodivergent. Id put a bet on adhd and autism.

I noticed how he was being treated badly (not getting accommodated to his needs and getting in trouble for interrupting class)

And how I related so much.

...

we only started getting to know eachother the school year I left school. Because once on a school trip to a park we were the last to people to not have a partner to walk with (both left out.)

So we had no choice but to go together, and that they is one of my best memories from school.

I actually enjoyed it so much-

We started interacting a bit more after that. Picking eachother when we had to do stuff like that again.

...

Fuck. I really miss him-

....

There's also the Incredible guilt from seeing him a couple of months after I left. He said my name and I ignored him because I was panicking because I just kinda left school without telling anyone (only the teachers knew)

And I wish I said something. That might of been the last time we ever saw eachother. And I fucked it up-