❝ no, i’m not okay. nothing is okay. it never is. but that’s just how i function most days. so i’ll be fine. ❞ ( for antilochus )
EMOTIONALLY CHARGED || ACCEPTING:
They move in circles like this always, a worn out game Antilochus has no pretenses at winning, but he asks anyway, because Achilles is his friend, feels every rip in his heart as though it were his own. They don't spin legends and epics of this sort of love, and Antilochus doesn't mind being left in history when the time comes. He doesn't have space to worry about such things, his head too full on placations, ways to say I'd open a vein for you to whatever gods favored me if it would bring him back, but Achilles grief is palatable, and there are no words, nothing close to poetry for an absence like that. Instead, he lays his head at his feet, hardly flinches when the wind kicks dust up into his eyes, and his voice comes out distant and foreign to his own ears, as though speaking underwater.
A fractured sound breaks his limber midway through, and he does his best to steel himself. He knows Achilles, had known them both as well as one might know themselves, but that was before and loss is an relentless deity that takes shelter under ones tongue, makes a stranger out of the heart. Antilochus is not afraid of Achilles brutality, knows that he is very capable of it, yes: he could kill him if he wanted to–– if it would help. It wouldn't. Achilles might react any number of ways, might feel as though he missed Patroclus so ardently that there wasn't any room left in the world for someone else to and he'd be right. Antilochus' own grief is teetering on the the outskirts of it, poised to tip off the edge.
Still, he knows him. Achilles is in there somewhere and it’s only a matter of time before he implodes. He is going to lose him too, he knows as much. He cannot bring himself to say it, knows it’s futile and unavoidable. He only hopes when the time comes he can go with him... the both of them. Wordlessly, he inches closer, presses his forehead against his calf.