Freedom of Intentional Living

by Azrael Encarnacion (photo by JeNYC Photography)

When I began Yours/NotYours, I never intended to quit my job upon its release. But as Friday, February 17, 2017 approached, I knew I wouldn’t be satisfied any other way. This short collection of songs that mainly dealt with departure, possession, letting go and starting anew simply  encouraged it. Quitting, in my mind, was just an exercise in practicing what I preach. We all create stories for ourselves and one I had narrated repeatedly for years, was that my job was holding me back. That to focus my attention and energy on music the way I would like to, I needed to jettison a few things, the job I had held for 6 years being one of the primary weights. And whether that was true or not was irrelevant because this story became an excuse; and the excuse itself was real. By removing the job, I removed the excuse. In doing so, I finally stepped out into the light, out of the tunnel.

The tunnel is where we abstract our vision. It’s a place of limitation and darkness, with artificial light (if any). Despite all this, the tunnel is also comfortable and familiar. You get accustomed to the restrictions, you learn not to bump into certain corners and avoid stepping into the same puddles–So there’s the illusion of growth. Mentally, you accept the cold wet air, it too becoming a daily experience. The more you stay, the stranger the outside world becomes. The light seems like poisonous radiation and the open air, unfamiliar and as unpredictable as that of another planet’s. This uncertainty carries over to your vision, what if I get lost out there? What if I fail? What if I lose everything I have now?

But what did I have? If it was so satisfying why wasn’t I satisfied? If I couldn’t live out my purpose from where I was, then remaining there, or at the very least not taking steps to move on, was already a failure. I worried I’d be lost, yet where was I? If it wasn’t where I wanted to be–Isn’t that just as ‘dis-located’?

When you step out of the tunnel it’s as frightening as it is liberating. It’s not easy and you’ll feel pressure, stress, and honestly you might even miss the tunnel. But if you’re actively focusing your time + energy efficiently, if you clear out the distractions and negative relationships, you’ll find yourself planted in your own actions with fuller proprietorship. This is what’s often referred to as living life with intention. In a way, it’s giving your life a mission statement and from that point on, sticking as best you can to the plan. And while you can have dreams and goals you may want to reach, living life with intention is not a destination, it’s a never ending project requiring self-maintenance.

It’s a discovery worth pursuing, regardless the risk. The alternative is remaining in the dark, comfortable but unfulfilled. You may discover what you were after all along is what you had in the tunnel, but even then, the tunnel ceases to be because now you know what you want and can focus on creating that experience for yourself versus blindly accepting it because you didn’t want to try. And even not trying is okay if you accept and are truly satisfied with that decision. But so long as there’s enough doubt, so long as you feel restless and underutilized, you’ll find the mettle in your heart pulled as it were by a magnet on the outside.