#outofsiblings

Hooo boy. Okay.

Let’s see if I can remember all of them.

This is gonna be a really short, watered-down run-down of all of this, since there are lots of essays on PTSD written by far more qualified people than I, but, here y’go for now.

Explosions. This one is kind of a give-away. Explosions send him into full-on panic attacks, complete with vivid flashbacks and freezing up entirely. The louder and closer to him it is, the worse it affects him. With also leads to…

Sudden, Loud Noises. Especially those that sound like explosions. The more they sound like one, the more they’ll affect him. It’s also worse if he doesn’t see what causes the noise - if he watches, say, a heavy object fall, he’ll be shaken, sure, but it will be easier for him to process what’s going on; If it falls behind his back, he’ll be terrified. 

Thunder Storms. These aren’t as bad as the other two, since he wasn’t in an area where continuous bombing happened, but it still gets to him. Especially claps that are louder than others, or the first really loud one. Lightning also gets him bad, too, because it’s…

Sudden Flashes of Light. The brighter it is, the worse it is. This isn’t as bad as the others, as this is one he can actually prep himself for. Of course, this doesn’t make it 100% okay, but it helps. So, for a photo, for example, he’ll get a bit tense and nervous, but, as long as he knows it’s happening in advance, he’ll be able to handle it. It helps, too, if he’s not looking directly at the light, so there are more or less no straight-on photos of him after the war.

People Clapping Once. Applause don’t bother him. The little chop-chop double clap people do is fine. But one sharp clap - especially a loud one, in silence - is a major issue for him, and will indeed cause some pretty bad flashbacks and panic attacks for him. 

Blood on His Hands. And I mean a lot of blood. A little paper cut is okay, but having at least the palms of his hands covered in blood will cause some pretty specific flashbacks of trying to save his little brother. 

His Arm Hurting. This is a bit different, since it generally only happens if he’s sleeping or alone, and it gets really sore. As someone who has a bunch of injuries that act up due to weather, a bad enough rain storm or cold enough morning can really hurt him a lot, and, like the blood, this makes him think of the genocide, trying (and he thinks failing) to save his brother.

Being Alone. Not being alone in a room while other people are nearby (though this still makes him antsy and nervous), but by being honest-to-God alone. Being unable to find anyone, talk to anyone, etc, is terrifying to him. Being around other people makes him feel safer. Especially people he trusts.  Considering it leads in pretty well, I’m gonna put his preferred coping method here:

Physical affection. 

He gets really cuddly with people he cares about - almost to a cartoonish level. During the time he spent alone, both while the genocide was ongoing and slightly after, there were times when he’d dissociate pretty hard. It could be difficult for him to tell what was a flashback or a dream and what wasn’t, and, the worse his anxiety levels got, the harder it was to tell, in a pretty vicious loop. He’s gotten a bit better at it over the years, but, still - even a hand on the shoulder of a new acquaintance will help ground him and assure him that yes, this is real, and no, they’re not about to somehow die right in front of you, you’re fine.