#outofillusions

(about Pirate)

Do you make your bed? Sort of? I don't want the cats getting fur all over the duvet as the husband has a slight allergy so I have to tidy it up and have a blanket over it.

Favourite number? Like Luke mine's also probably 13. Or 8.

Job? Typist and medical PA, both public and private sectors.

If you could go back to school, would you? In the sense of being a kid again, nope. If there's something I ever want to study in the future, I'd consider it but it'd likely only be courses that don't involve exams. Exams are too stressful.

Can you parallel park? I can parallel park my arse? (No)

Do you think aliens are real? Yes, but any we can actually reach are unlikely to be like the ones in films. Maybe in another life and if we survive getting off this planet then contact will be possible.

Can you drive a manual car? The only kind of car I can drive involves me playing games on computers.

What's your guilty pleasure? Also like Luke I love to hyperfixate on a song and listen to it for hours on repeat. I swear I had something else for this the last time I wanted to fill this out. Overindulging on video games. Dressing up as Jack Sparrow more times than necessary.

Tattoos? One on my right shoulder that says 'XI', which is one of the muses I brought to this blog and means a lot to me. One on my left shoulder that is a Lokified Jera rune taken from the Kibblesmith Loki comics.

Do you like puzzles? Yes, but only certain kinds. I'm terrible at maths. I like ones I can figure out with not too much trouble so that I feel clever and not rubbish XD or ones I can use a walkthrough for if I've taken too long to figure it out. I do love puzzle games.

Any phobias? Wasps. Somewhat agoraphobic/claustrophobic as I get panic attacks if I think I can't breathe even when there is oxygen. I know that isn't agoraphobia, but it happens more in crowded open spaces with a lot of noise than properly closed ones, though I do have to feel trapped. It got worse since Covid. I have texture phobias too and something else I won't reveal openly in case of trolls.

Favourite childhood sport? Haha what. I mean I guess I occasionally enjoyed badminton and for a while I did like netball. I am not a sport person.

Do you talk to yourself? All. The. Time. I'm the only one who needs to put up with this amount of incessant babble ok? I'm really sorry to the people who game with me who hear me yell or make comment on what's going on, because it's ingrained in me now.

Stole it from: @therebetterbepie

It's been a long, emotional journey and I am so grateful for the people who have supported me and loved me through this, who have treated me with compassion, grace, and loyalty despite how my brain can behave. I can be selfish, impulsive, oblivious, and unable to recognise what people need without being told. I don't think to tell or ask the people I love the things I should be telling or asking them. I have disproportionate reactions to situations where I feel I or friends have been treated unreasonably from the logical information I hold at the time.

Because of my condition.

And over the past year or so, my unmasking has caused some serious Wobbles. Of late, I've been focusing on meditation, something that will take a very long time to master in the hopes of improving myself as a person for the benefit of people I love and for me and how I interact with the world, but it is extremely hard when all the key points of meditation actively defy how my autistic brain wants to behave. I truly hope improvement will be seen though.

Thank you to the best friend in the world @patchworkfables, my lovely writing partners past and present, and some of the absolute best people I know offline and on who have been there for ups, downs, joy, and otherwise. So much love to @divinityrisen , @cordeliabarton, and @small-carbon-lifeform to name a few.

To the people who gatekept me and treated me with cruelty because I did not yet have a label, I forgive you, but have the week you deserve.

"But they should have done this instead—"

Nope.

"My favourite character didn't—"

Shh.