#ougghhhh

one of the most Things™️ about jack is that he’s trying to figure out what it means to be human (which is where sam and dean come in) while also figuring out what it means for him to not fully be one (which is where cas comes in) and struggling to really find a place on either half because to other humans, he’s not human enough or normal enough, but to other angels he’s a lesser abomination (tho he very pointedly does not care about being like them). jack considers himself human before he loses his grace - taking clear offense to lucifer insulting kelly and humans alike - but then when he really is human, all he can think is that he’s weak and helpless and useless and worthless, to the point that auBobby is concerned about it, and once he’s supercharged from Michael’s grace he says he’s himself again. that’s his normal (and it being his normal is probably why he’s so disinterested in it or the status it has). but the fact of the matter is he’s regarded on both sides like he fundamentally lacks something important. how can you learn what being human means when you’re just not one? how can you learn what being a cosmic being means when you’re not entirely cosmic? being a Nephils gotta be like being bisexuality embodied bc nobody will acknowledge you as your own thing and instead insist on one side being picked forever