OtakuDon
Hey, is that a beautiful chimerical culinary delicacy you smell?
It sure is! I'm glad you asked! It's TexMex Oyakodon and it will change your life.
Why? Because I didn't have any damn soy sauce, mirin, dashi, or shichimi togarashi, but I did have chicken, rice, and eggs.
Can it still be called oyakodon then? It's chicken and eggs on a god damn bowl of rice, you tell me.
How do you make it? Easy as fuck.
You need:
chicken thighs (1 per serving)
onions (1 per 4 chicken thighs)
peppers (how fucking hot do you want to make it? pull your head out of your ass)
salsa (whatever is in the fridge)
rice (you know, like a bowlsworth per chicken thigh)
eggs (2 per bowlsworth of rice)
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step 1) Make rice. Boom!
step 2) cut up chicken into bites, you know... is it for a lion or a baby? Whatever's appropriate, you call the shots, it's your kitchen.
step 3) Cut up onions and peppers and throw them into a pan on medium heat. Go play the piano for like 3 minutes while they coat the pan in their sweet spicy delicious bodily fluids.
REMEMBER: Be tasteful. The food absorbs the flavor of the music so play something appropriate to the style of food you're making. If you're drunk just play whatever, it'll taste good anyway... to you.
step 4) Pour salsa into pan and add some water, not a lot, just make it a little brothy....... like a 1/4 cup you pedant, why would I measure this?
step 5) Add chicken, STIR. Time is dependent on the size of the pieces. Play piano for approximately 8 minutes then come back, stir again
step 6) Play piano for 3 minutes, come back, STIR, play for another three minutes, STIR
PRO Tip: If the neighbors bang on the wall or ceiling, they aren't passive-aggressively complaining about the noise, they're trying to invite themselves over for dinner, it smells amazing.... Fuck 'em, your hard work is your treat. Unless they bring beer, then the standard rate of exchange is 3 beers per donburi.
step 7) Eat some chicken. Is it kind of a weird, smooth, uncooked texture? Repeat step 6. No, its good? Go on to step 8.
step 8) Divvy out a bowlsworth of rice into a bowl, repeat until the rice is gone.
step 9) You're going to need a smaller pan, about the same diameter as your bowl, maybe you can figure out why, probably not.....
step 10) Partially beat two eggs in a small bowl. Put one portion of chicken into the smaller pan and pour the egg over it. Cook until egg is no longer liquid.
step 11) Slide this entire assembly off the pan and over the top of your rice. Holy shit! You just made donburi! You're not entirely useless.
step 12) Repeat steps 10 and 11 as long as you have bowls that contain rice not covered by chicken. It's a recursive operation, you're an automaton, get over it.
step 13) Eat it girl!
