I miss working hours in a garden while Tubbo flitted by my ear, smiling and laughing about how sappy it was of me to help them with his garden while he just chilled in the flowers, even if I never admitted it. I miss running through the forests, throwing ender pearls with deadly aim and hitting exactly where I want to go every time, my twin aimsey at my heels but im faster and they scream in my ear and I cant stop smiling because why would I ever not want to smile in that moment. I miss laughing at Tommy's ridiculous screeches about how he most definitely isn't a chicken and tries to fly. I miss helping him set up his flying course and stealing his wheat and pushing him off of things just to watch him glide all the way down in fury, screaming the whole way down. I miss being hungry as all hell and Phil always having something for me to eat, laughing at dick jokes with me and flying overhead, and I'm fast but Phil is faster sometimes, even if I never used to admit it and I wish I did now. I miss a little weight on my shoulder that screamed fart noises an poked my cheek no matter how many times i slapped him off like a fly, called him moth boy and have to destroy lamps or torches because he can't help himself and I don't blame him. I miss challenging someone to something and watching how they try to figure out how I won but tis just because I'm faster, better reflexes and quicker reaction time, have been doing this my whole life and always will. I miss my height even if it was a massive inconvenience sometimes, I hate that this stupid little fragile human body thats so short and the wrong colors and I can't find any enderian clothes. I Hate that I can't understand Ender anymore, and I'm learning but my vocal cords cant do shit anymore and it makes me want to cry and human bodies cry actual watery tears and it freaks me out every time. I hate that everyone insists on making direct eye contact and I have to hold out and not look away despite the fact that i want to claw them to shreds or throw up, even without my talons, and sometimes it manageable but other times i could kill a man and feel no remorse. fuck dude I miss everything. I love some of the people here but I miss the people who loved me before too. And I sound like some big sap but this is the first time ive ever admitted to even being one fictkin (im polykin/polyfictkin) and its so much and I hate it. I don't have horns and there is no fluffy, pollen dusted head that knocks into mine or an arm covered in gray and white feathers wrapping around almost just above my knee near my waist but not quite. I miss having to pick up someone just as cold and scaley as me and have to be careful of our razor sharp horns when we butt heads and wrestle, both of us vwooping in and out of existence trying to get the other or get away. I miss big black wings with the softest feathers and gently pokes and scrambling on my shoulder when i move a little to fast. I miss it all - OSMP!Ranboo (she/they)
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