#originial author

The mans ruthless voice uttered the words no mother wants to hear

Speechless, the phone slips

Shattering as it collides with the tile beneath.

Ears ringing, nauseous

Stumbling up the stairs, head spinning.

He turns his gaze towards the vacant face

“My son is dead”

Acknowledgment turns to shock

My soul leaves

The screams escape an empty chest, voice fracturing in pain

Why?

Your touch

Ignites every cell in my body.

Cascading through

Every nerve

Every vein

Like the stars fall

Glitter like the galaxy.

Igniting the star in my chest.

Fuck, does it burn.

Raining down all around

Like a message from the Gods

Highlighting our wrongdoings

Lighting the path to hell

Starfire rains down

On me tonight baby,

I see it in your eyes

I pull him close to me, to smell his sweet baby scent. Planting kisses all over his face, ensuring he knows just how much I love him. Burying his head into the crook of my neck, as if he’s hugging me back, little squeaks bubble up from his mouth. You are so precious my sweet boy. You know you’re mommy’s whole world right? My whole heart, my joy.

I lay in my bed, peaking through the wooden slats at mom. She is lying in her bed across the room, sobbing. I watch as her body shakes, head in hands- trying not to be too loud. She doesn’t know I can see her, that I can feel the despair that hangs on every tear. She glances my way and we lock eyes. Quickly, wiping her eyes she puts on her best smile. As she hoists me out of bed I smile at her- maybe to remind her she’s my whole world. I watch as the mask she wears fractures and the tears flow once more.

She pulls me close, kissing my head and cheeks as she breaks. How could someone so wonderful and perfect be so sad? She tells me over and over how much she loves me. I try my hardest to tell her I love her too, but it escapes my throat in squeaks instead of words. She smiles through her sadness- a real smile- and tells me I’m her world, her heart, her joy. Save yourself mama- i can’t save you. The universe is locked behind your eyes. I can see it.

I will not wait for you to love me, I will not wait for you to see me, I will not wait for you to value me- for I will love myself, I will be genuine and authentic without your eyes and I will value myself.

I will no wait for your apology, I will not wait for you to change- for I am forgiving and changing much too fast to let you slow me down.

I will not wait for world peace, I will not wait for the perfect moment- for I AM peace and every moment is a perfect one.

E: Eternal love set ablaze with every interaction.

S: Soul connection, foreign yet comfortable.

T: Tightness in my chest

I: Indulging in the warmth, surrounding my entire being

N: Now understanding my true purpose in this world.

Y: You are the reason I was born, my destiny was to be your mom.

That will make you do

The dumbest things

To escape