#original goodness

from ch 2 of original goodness. trin wakes up in the hospital to a new friend and doesn’t know how to accept tiny gestures of love

“Hey, girl,” Javadi says softly, sitting at Trinity’s bedside with those big, worried brown eyes and zip up hoody Trinity remembers. “Good news and bad news. Good news is you’ve got a new name in my phone,” she says, offering it to Trinity.

Trinity squints at the brightness, a pang shooting through her head as her eyes try to focus on it. Her contact photo is a crash test dummy and the name — Trinity rolls her eyes despite the pain — Jason Bourne. Javadi’s grinning when she takes the phone back.

“You could’ve been Crash 2, so consider yourself lucky. I also thought about Dory, but I like the subtlety of JB,” she says, flopping back in the chair. Trinity’s headache is growing, and she presses her fingers into her temple. Maybe she’ll find that funnier tomorrow.

“The bad news?”

“Your phone’s missing. We’re hoping it’s in your car at the police impound lot, but we haven’t gotten a chance to go look for it yet, Trin, I’m sorry.”

Trin. She was still getting used to Whitaker calling her that, let alone Crash. It’s a type of familiarity and intimacy she doesn’t give easily, and she can’t remember giving it to Javadi. Nausea swells in her, and she swallows as Huckleberry slips back in.

“Hey, did you hear from Trinity’s insurance?” she asks as he walks up next to her.

“What?” Trinity asks, whose stamina is hemorrhaging fast, who’s only been coherent in the last few hours from adrenaline and sheer will power. Pain is seeping back in. She needs to sleep.

“Yeah, I went through your wallet and called your insurance this morning, so they could start a claim. It’s definitely totaled, sorry, but you’ll get a payout, at least. And the accident wasn’t your fault, so it won’t reflect on your premium,” he shrugs. “But, no, not yet. I think they’re sending an adjuster out tomorrow.”

Trinity’s deeply touched by the gesture in a way that surprises her. In a way that has her vision going blurry and hot, and then she’s crying. And her shoulders are shaking with quiet sobs, and she presses her hands into her face to hide from Whitaker and Javadi, and it all makes her head scream in pain, which makes her cry harder, and this is so fucking pathetic.

‘I think everybody has a natural inclination to compassion. It gets covered over by frustration, ignorance, bad experiences, bad karma, but underneath it, as they say, everybody has a Buddha-nature which is compassionate. This is exactly the opposite of the Hobbesian view, which is that underneath everybody is a snarling animal.’

‘Compassion is as natural to us as breathing, even if for many of us, tenderness and compassion have been temporarily covered by fear and doubt.’

‘People who are attached to sutras and a scriptural teaching of words can lack faith in the living, mysterious experience of meditation that leads to a sudden insight. They are … attached to the stubborn habit of distinguishing between “true” and “not true.” Believing only what is written in holy texts, they are conceptually mesmerized by the treasures of others, instead of digging inside to discover the priceless gems of their own, lying deep within.’

‘When the Buddha taught, he didn’t say that we were bad people or that there was some sin that we had committed - original or otherwise - that made us more ignorant than clear, more harsh that gentle, more closed than open. He taught that there is a kind of innocent misunderstanding that we all share, something that can be turned around, corrected, and seen through, as if we were in a dark room and someone showed us where the light switch was. It isn’t a sin that we are in the dark room. It’s just an innocent situation, but how fortunate that someone shows us where the light switch is. It brightens up our life considerably. We can start to read books, to see one another’s faces, to discover the colors of the walls, to enjoy the little animals that creep in and out of the room.‘

’According to Buddhism, our fundamental problem is not sin or some moral failing. We suffer because of our ignorance; because we do not understand the actual nature of reality.

The medicine that heals this illness is insight or wisdom, which we can develop through the practice of meditation. Meditation means working with our mind, the source of all we experience and do. Through the practice of meditation we become familiar with all that goes on in our mind, both in its confusion and inherent wakefulness. We tame the upheavals, conflicting emotions, and mistaken views that cause so much suffering for ourselves and others, and come to know the mind’s true nature, which is enlightenment. While many religions practice some form of meditation or contemplation, what’s unique about Buddhist meditation is that it doesn’t involve doing, changing, or creating anything. It’s about stopping and resting - about relaxing at least for a moment  our endless struggles and cogitations. The basic Buddhist view is that we are fine - perfect even - just the way we really are. The practice is simply letting go - of all the ways we feel we have to improve or solidify ourselves. It’s so simple, yet so profound and so difficult.’

‘We can view our human nature as being defiled and deluded, as Augustine might point out. Or we can view our nature as compassionate and loving. So then maybe we should add an “s” and talk about “natures.” I believe it is more skillful to try to get people to focus on and cultivate the positive. In the Therevada sutras, the Buddha describes the nature of the mind this way, “Luminous is the mind, brightly shining is its nature, but it is colored by the attachments that visit it.” [AN 1.49-51] I’ve found that pointing people to their fundamental goodness will awaken it. It is more skillful than pointing out the negative. We are so loyal to our suffering and to seeing ourselves as damaged that it’s very easy to use spiritual practice to reinforce our self-judgement. That doesn’t help people become liberated.’