I made a remark somewhere in the fic that Fuuta is worse off because Shidou didn't prioritize him, but I don't think I ever expanded on it.
Man… No one notices his drain damage in canon because they’re busy with Mahiru’s condition… no one notices it when he’s in Mahiru’s condition because they’re busy with Amane… The guy can never catch a break… I ended up switching my idea and giving this a good dose of Amane angst (not that I think you’ll complain hehe.) There’s reference to Fuuta’s symptoms, but everything is indirect.
“What is Amane-chan up to?”
She tensed, defensive, even though Muu didn’t say it with any accusation.
Every action, every choice, every little quirk of hers had been carefully monitored of late. It was no longer a kindness for her to bring food to a suffering patient – now, it could be “overexertion”. It could be “recklessness.” Worse, it could again be accused as “sabotage.” Her eyes darted down to the vegetarian breakfast.
“I’m bringing something to Fuuta-san. Something easy on his stomach.”
She carried the breakfast tray down the hall. Her shoes rested carefully on each step, her uneven vision threatening her usually perfect posture.
Muu fell into step. “Ohh, is he still not feeling well?”
Amane frowned. That was quite the understatement.
“His condition has worsened, yes. Shidou-san has noted increased irritability, so I’m hoping to improve his mood with a meal that he can keep down.”
“But…” Muu angled her head, genuine confusion across her features. “Isn’t Fuuta always in a bad mood?”
She wasn’t the first to conflate the behaviors, to Amane’s surprise. Fuuta’s usual quips stemmed from his anxieties with a bit of arrogance. They held no true edge, and often sounded playful to her ear. His recent insults, however, were filled with a very real venom. As often as she reminded herself of the true reason behind his attacks – irritating hols in his memory and constant energy going toward his pain – the words still cut deep. More than once, she’d been forced to end her visits early to save face in front of him.
Did the others really believe he was always this cruel? Had anyone even spoken to him before now?
She gave a slight shake to her head. “This is something new. Which is why I hope he enjoys what I’ve chosen for him.”
The tray presented a carefully chosen balance of healthy and sweet. She’d prepared the fruit and honey and toast just as her parents had when she wasn’t feeling well.
Muu wasn’t looking at the nice display. “I mean, you could just take him to the cafeteria, right? Shidou-san got that wheelchair and everything.”
“W-well, but it’s more than just getting him there.”
While all of Amane’s behaviors underwent supervision, it felt like Fuuta’s slipped by completely ignored. Kazui hadn’t seen the way Fuuta flinched against the lights he flicked on when visiting the cell. Mahiru paid no mind to his wincing when her cheery voice lilted too loudly. Even Shidou, who spend all his time working out compromises and comforts for Amane, spent all his time focusing on her. He never asked Fuuta for his opinions on anything.
“He’s complained a lot about—”
“Hah, is there anything he doesn’t complain about?”
Amane straightened her spine. “There’s also the dizziness. And the memory problems. This is serious!”
The other brought her hand up to smother a giggle. “It sounds like all the things Muu did to stay home from school.”
“How dare you! Fuuta-san would never fake something like this!”
Startled a bit by Amane’s passionate response, she shrugged. “I’m not saying he is, just that it’s very easy to. I’m sorry.”
She sounded genuine, and for a moment Amane thought they’d reached a conclusion. Then, just as she turned to leave, she angled her eyebrows into something patronizing and pitying.
“You shouldn’t get so upset, I’m just being honest. It’s not like Fuuta hasn’t faked things for attention before...”
Amane was left stuttering and fuming in place. Did Muu think that past mistakes remained forever? Couldn’t she see that Fuuta was atoning? That all this pain was given by God for a reason?
She entered Fuuta’s cell, taking everything at half the pace to save her balance. She placed the food beside him. The clatter of the tray didn’t stir him.
Amane exhaled.
She shook his shoulder. She knew she should be more gentle with his injuries, but each morning her nerves got the better of her. His sleep was too deep, too still, and she found herself waking him in a hurry just to be sure he would wake.
“Fuuta-san. Fuuta-san!”
“What.”
“Good - good morning. I brought you breakfast.”
“Eh?” His eyes glossed over the tray. He made no move towards it. “Oh.”
“I picked it out special for you.”
“What, you gave me only baby foods? Mushy things and toast?”
“I… How are you feeling?”
“Like shit,” he snapped. “Or haven’t you noticed?”
“R-right. I’m sorry.”
“Tch.”
Amane moved the tray onto his lap, ignoring his exasperation. She sat awkwardly beside as he started shifting things around with his utensils.
She opened her mouth, then closed it again. It would have been nice to pray together again, but lately Fuuta had been forgetting all the words. No matter how much patience she displayed teaching him again and again, he made it clear it was a waste of his time.
The cell bars rattled open, and the doctor’s stern voice echoed inside.
“I have told you countless times --”
“I know. I’m not bothering him.” She stood to leave. The smile she gave Fuuta was one of warmth and resignation. “Remember, you can call for me at any time, and I’ll be here.”
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So, I was thinking about how your beta reader was surprised by Mahiru's different demeanor between PS and OoA. And I was wondering, what did you think about Mahiru's portrayal in OoA?
(I said what I had to say about PS Mahiru in the comments. I like how she's sickeningly sweet but is starting to reflect. Well, not like she has anything to do except reflect.)
Oh god, I think at one point I was asked "Are you sure she's the same person...?" (or something similar) and I could not stop laughing. It was a top tier experience. As for how she has nothing to do except for reflecting..... I hate that I can't refute that. Why is that so true??? For the rest of this post, assume I'm talking about OoA unless I specify otherwise.
The way you portrayed Mahiru had a deeper influence on me than what's obvious, I think. I think what stuck with me most was her sensitivity? Whether its a positive or negative trait in the situation.
In the positive sense, that sensitivity allowed her to be quite attuned to how others felt. In the negative sense, her follow up actions could end up getting a negative response or that she gets too emotionally affected by a less than positive response (I'm thinking of one specific interaction between Fuuta and Mahiru where Fuuta's blaming her. It was kinda an asshole move even if we consider his pain so that was probably more of Fuuta's fault than Mappi.) I think overall, the negative side of sensitivity is more of a joint effort than Mahiru alone (no matter which character she's interacting with).
But I think another trait that stuck with me is that she's quite proactive? She doesn't always wait to be told to do something. If she sees an issue or something she could help with, iirc, she always at least tries to help. I don't think I really noticed that as much when I first watched/listened/read (which verb do I use?) the canon. I only really saw that she was probably overdoing everything and went the extra mile in the romance department but I didn't quite make the connection to extend it to other aspects too.
Those were the two main things that my perspective of Mahiru gained from OoA, at least from what I can still remember, it's been a while. Especially since initially I was not that interested in Mahiru (canon), there were a lot of new ish ideas being thrown at me. I admit I have not seen every single fic related to OoA because that would take me quite a lot of time but I have read 'A Moment Of Rage' (maybe for obvious reasons). I always did like the ending of that one. Iirc it ends with Amane with Mahiru and Yuno, and Yuno was like, telling of Mahiru for being positive but Mahiru just kept going lmao. I mean, it worked? At least I think it did.
Art trade with @oboetemasuka ! She did the stunningly detailed linework, and tried my hand at coloring :) It's from an Order of Attack scene -- Mahiru’s nightmare...
Go check out her half of the trade, which should be queued now aw well! 🥁🌈
Extra versions/memes under the cut
I also have her individual lineart and bloodless versions of everyone, I can add those in a few days when I'm on desktop 👍
I have somehow become the neutral party in this fight oh dear ;;; But here we go!
Hello, MILGRAM fans! Welcome to the first matchup of the-- Eh, this isn't a fighting match? Oh. OH, UH. UH
COUGH. I mean, hello everybody!! I am here to settle a small thing that two of my writer friends are dealing with and that is!:
Who started Order of Attack?
Here's a quick summary of Order of Attack:
Kotoko's attacks turned out differently, so Amane lost an eye, Fuuta is on the verge of death, and Mahiru is physically unscathed but guilt-ridden.
Check it out here!
Now, you may ask who are the two people in this silly little debate :D?
It's @good-beans/@good-beanswrites and @kyanako5972/@oboetemasuka!!
(Linked both of the accounts you might know them from ^^!!)
Now, here's the propaganda each person sent against the other:
Kyanako -> Accusing Beans of starting it
Good_beans wrote two drabbles about the aftermath of Amane getting attacked. She could have just as easily written zero. It is because of these drabbles that I got inspired to write fanfic at all. Beans started it. (If I had really started it, Amane would have only been a bit scuffed.)
Beans -> Accusing Kyanako of starting it
An early post of mine stated that I agreed Kotoko would attack Amane, but I didn't dare write it. Then, [Kyanako] sent an ask specifically requesting the beginning of OoA, so I wrote it. After that, she has proceeded to send me Ten Angst requests (some of which are still in progress). But come on. Ten. It's not my fault. 🐝
So, Wardens-- I mean. um. MILGRAMBLRgram! Who started Order of Attack? Who was the one who dug the road of agony for Amane? I mean, it's between the two of them, so go ahead and choose!
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Oooh, this was so interesting! I think Mahiru was so used to going with the flow, and didn’t seem to be moving around that much, that I didn’t see a lot of thoughts about her wheelchair specific struggles – but I 100% think Fuuta would experience wheelchair-grabbing violations… (Tw for that and brief mention of suicidal thoughts)
“Fuuta-san? C-can I, um, tell you something, alone? M-maybe back in my cell?”
Haruka looked between him, and where Amane and Mahiru sat around the wheelchair. His gaze was intense and pleading, but Fuuta huffed in reply.
“Whatever you have to say, you can say in front of them. I don’t have time for little kid drama like this.” He hoped the nonchalance could paint Haruka as the scared one of the situation.
Throughout the whole trial, not even Amane had caught on to his fixation over how many people were in a room at a time. Aside from the nights, which left him panicked and alert regardless, Fuuta made sure no less than three people gathered in a room at any given time. It was entirely logical – after all, they had very compelling evidence that two people weren’t enough to call for help if trouble arose. It was doubly true now that Fuuta couldn’t work his own wheelchair with a broken arm. Also, he still didn’t know who he could trust. Kotoko was the obvious danger, but some of the others were too unpredictable for him to comfortably sit alone with. Mikoto had been having those outbursts, and he didn’t like the jealousy in Muu’s eyes after verdicts were announced.
However logical it was, the others would certainly label it melodrama if they knew the way his heart rate skyrocketed when there were too few people around. When questioned, he always gave a short, “it’s nothing.”
So, even at the heartfelt request, he kept his words short and prayed the others kept their attention on Haruka.
The boy’s face fell. “O-oh, that’s okay. Um, another time, then.” He bowed his head and slipped out the door.
Mahiru poked Fuuta where she knew there were no bandages, shooting him a look. “You should let him talk to you! It sounded like a big deal.”
“Eh? But I tried! I didn’t think he’d just leave, jeez…”
“Next time –”
“Yeah, yeah, next time.”
When the next time arrived, Kazui and Amane were the ones unknowingly maintaining the room’s safety for Fuuta. They were each involved in their own activities in the common room, but simply having them nearby was enough.
“Um! Is now a good time to-to talk?”
Haruka’s voice strained even more. His eyes appeared even more wild. It unsettled Fuuta, but also meant he had no choice but to honor Mahiru’s request if things were already this bad.
“I mean, if you really need to, we could –"
“Great!” Without another word, he’d grabbed the back of the chair and was whisking Fuuta out into the hall.
“Hey!” He looked frantically over his shoulder, but Amane looked just as peaceful as always. He wanted to call out to her, but what could he say? He’d either admit he sounded like a panicked child, or need to insist it was nothing.
Even when he did get control of his voice, snapping a quick, “oi, wait a second!” it was too late. The panopticon rushed past him. He’d missed his window and was completely isolated.
The boy dragged him into the darkened cell, leaving him in the center of the floor.
His voice was tinged with the same hysteria in his eyes. “I just, well, I need to do something drastic. You’ll understand. I know that-that you’ll understand. I p-promise this will be quick.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Fuuta’s mind raced as fast as his pulse. “Something drastic?”
“It’ll be quick…”
Fuuta craned his gaze backwards to see Haruka close and latch the door. He immediately regretted the motion, pulling something tight in his chest and shortening his breath. He spun back to gasp a raspy inhale.
“The Warden won’t p-pay attention to us unless someone gets hurt,” Haruka continued from behind. “They’ll only pay attention if – if someone dies.”
His footsteps approached. Fuuta grasped at his chest. As soon as he got his breath back, he’d cry out – but would anyone hear him? How much time would he have, before…?
“That’s why… I have to do this.”
Fuuta used to feel strong. He used to feel in charge, in control. He could go about his day feeling capable, and safe, and not think twice about who was in the room with him. He could talk when he wanted, walk where he wanted.
Now, he could only sit here, in a murderer’s room, unable to speak up as he circled around the wheelchair.
Haruka smiled. “No one will m-miss me, anyways.”
Fuuta blinked. He finally managed a shaky, “you?”
A knock on the door made both of them flinch. Muu’s voice came muffled from the other end. “Haruka-kun? Are you in there? I thought we were going to play a game.”
“Y-yeah!” Then, whispering, “ah. We can, um, talk another time.”
He went to answer the door, leaving Fuuta to hang his head. All his muscles untensed – he’d surely pulled more than his chest in his panic. And what shameful panic it was, worrying about himself, when this never had anything to do with him.
It seemed he’d failed at being a hero in more ways than one.
On their way back to the common room, while Fuuta was contemplating the best person to confide the news to, Haruka apologized. “S-sorry for bothering you.”
Fuuta was glad he couldn’t see the expression that crossed over his face. “It was nothing.”
