One of the oldest species in Varkaus, Orcs are a semi-nocturnal, subterranean race, living in gigantic underground cities reminiscent of rabbit warrens. Descendants of Grindan (or Grendel in our world), there are three Hordes of Orcs, each with its own distinct culture. Obsidian, the closest to Tolkien’s Orcs, Ravenwood, avid scholars and the ‘friendliest’ of all Orcs, and the chaotic and kleptomaniacal Ormhal, who will literally rob you blind and ask questions later. When combined, the first letters of the three Hordes form the Spanish word Oro, meaning ‘gold’, a common love of all Orcs.

Appearance-wise, Orcs are not a pleasant sight. They are never taller than five feet, and have a higher body mass index than humans, and look rather bloated and stout, for lack of a better word. Their hands resemble a mole’s paws and they all have long tails that act as an extra limb. They have round, owlish eyes, large ears that function like a bats, pointed noses with flared nostrils and teeth that can put a piranha to shame.

While Orcs can speak, they also communicate to one another through a series of squeaks, chirps and cackles, in the same way that bats and and dolphins communicate. They are also unusual in the fact that they are both bipedal and quadrupeds. When an Orc bites your shoulder, it’s a sign that they trust you. An Orc bite can normally leave one severely injured, but a shoulder-bite does not; they’ve shown you that they won’t hurt you even if they can.

Depending on the gender of the Orc, they refer to each other as boars and sows. Orcs have huge families, with the average sow giving birth to three litters of five pups, making that 15 pups in total! Of course, baby Orcs are called pups. They have short childhoods, entering puberty at the tender age of 7 and being fully mature by the time they’re 13. The average lifespan of an Orc is 50 years, although a world record for the oldest Orc was Malachite Obsidian, to made it to a whopping 65 years of age!

Orcs train gryphons and use them as steeds when raiding or hunting/foraging. They also train Scallywags, small animals resembling a hybrid of a wolf and a Japanese dragon, to sniff out precious minerals and hidden treasure. They form close emotional bonds with their animals and refuse to be parted with them.

Although they lean more towards the carnivorous side, Orcs are omnivores and love their vegetables, especially cabbages and potatoes. They also love mushrooms and eggs. The quickest way to befriend an Orc is by preparing an omelette for them. The only vegetable they will never eat under any circumstances is zucchini/courgette.

When it comes to dealing with Orcs, they can’t resist a good bribe. Make sure you can actually hold up your end of the bargain, though. Also, never call an Orc a goblin under any circumstances! The word is only to be used by other Orcs. Anyone else who uses it has earned themselves an instant death sentence.