#or three...

It’s not the first time you have to wipe your sleeve against your nose as you suck in more of your tears, and you know it definitely won’t be the last. You’d anticipated the moving process to be difficult, but you hadn’t realized just how badly it’d be hitting your emotions on the spot. You thought you’d only cry maybe once when it was time to leave for good, and now you find that you’re brought to tears at any given moment. Just sweeping through the rooms and packing what little things were left made all kinds of bittersweet memories pop into your mind, bringing an onslaught of new heartbreak and tears along with them.

All you can do is thank God that Frankie is a patient and understanding man.

“You alright?” you hear him asking you now, and you turn from where you’ve been reminiscing on a DVD you and your boyfriend used to watch at least once a week before his condition had worsened. You see Frankie kneeling beside you, his hand resting gingerly on your back as his thumb move back and forth in a comforting manner. His dark gaze—nearly hidden underneath his signature baseball cap—is full of concern at the sight of your new tears.

“Yeah,” you assure him weakly, giving him a nod. You then let out a dry chuckle, shaking your head as you toss the DVD into the box you’ve been packing. “I’m sorry, Cat. I’ve been a fuckin’ mess this entire time.”

“Hey, what’d I tell you?” Frankie moves so that you’re forced to look at his face again, seeing the serious gaze he’s giving you. “There’s no apologizing. You’re allowed to feel what you need to right now. It’s not easy shit you’re dealing with.”

You offer him a small smile in return. “I know.” A faint sigh passes through your lips as you sniffle and wipe your nose once again for good measure. “I just—this isn’t me, y’know? And I hate not being me around you.” You pause as you think about your next words, swallowing back any potential tears. “He always told me not to be sad.”

“He didn’t want you to be sad forever,” Frankie reminds you. “But for now, it’s a perfectly normal and healthy part of the healing process. You can’t deny yourself these feelings.”

You nod again, pressing your lips together firmly to try to control the cries you feel welling up in your chest. Frankie understands what’s happening and reaches out to give you a warm embrace, letting you hide your face in his shoulder. You couldn’t have been luckier to have Frankie during this time. He knew you and your boyfriend well, since you’ve been the closest of friends ever since your college days. You told him everything, and he always knew how much you loved your boyfriend. You were certain you were going to spend the rest of your life with him—until he was diagnosed. His condition declined quickly after that, and before you knew it, you were dressed in black instead of white.

Frankie had been there the whole time, being so good—so patient—walking alongside you every step of the way. He was there whenever you needed him. You know he has his own ghosts, because the things he’s seen from his days overseas aren’t easy to get rid of, but he still puts all that aside to make sure he can care for you properly. You’re not sure what you ever did to deserve a friend like that. Even now, he’s helping you move out of the apartment you’ve lived in with your boyfriend for years, and he’s taking you into his own. He won’t even let you help with the rent.

You think all of this through as Frankie taps his hand gently on your back, letting you take the time you need to emotionally release everything that’s welled up inside you. With a deep breath, you will yourself to pull away from him, wiping your fallen tears with the backs of your hands as you give him a grateful smile.

“Thank you, Cat. You have no idea how much all of this means to me.”

You see Frankie’s gaze spark with a new light, but it passes quickly as you focus on his brightening smile. “It’s the least I could do. I wish I could do more.”

You shake your head, continuing to pack up the last few items left in the living room. “You’re already doing so much. I couldn’t possibly ask for more.”

Frankie gives your shoulder a friendly pat as he stands up to walk back over to the boxes he’d been carrying before. “Then it’s a good thing you don’t have to ask.”

You bite back a smile, feeling your tears finally dry up in the presence of his sheer kindness. The rest of the process goes by quickly, since this is your last box to pack up, and before you know it you’re taking your last look around the vacant apartment. You feel the emotions welling back up in your chest, and Frankie wraps his arm around your shoulders in comfort as he stands alongside you. You manage to keep these tears inside, resting your head against Frankie’s shoulders as you close your eyes and try to picture your last, loving memories you’d shared in this apartment before life had been so cruel. When you’re finally ready, you step away from Frankie, and he respectfully drops his arm from your shoulders to walk with you back out to your cars. You follow him back to the apartment that’s now also your home, feeling oddly familiar as you begin to settle into the extra bedroom Frankie has.

Once Frankie’s brought the last box up from your cars, he peeks his head into your room to give you a small smile. “Need anything else?” he asks. “I’ve got some pizza on the way for dinner, and the fridge is already loaded with drinks.”

You give him a look of gratitude. “I’m good for now, Cat. Thank you.”

He gives you a nod, twisting his lips a bit as he continues. “If you’re up for it, I rented that one Star Wars movie you really like. I was thinking we could watch it after dinner.”

Your heart softens at the thoughtful gesture. “I think that’d be great.”

Frankie smiles, disappearing back from around your doorway. You sigh as you turn back to the clothes you’ve been unpacking, but your joy quickly exchanges for heavy sadness once again as you pick up one of the t-shirts your boyfriend had given you a long time ago. Your vision blurs as you pull the fabric to your chest, barely able to stifle the sob as you feel the familiar sting in your heart. You can hear the sympathetic wince of Frankie from somewhere outside your room, but your sudden weeping drowns out the rest.

This continues throughout your unpacking process, and by the time you’re munching on the pizza with Frankie at his kitchen island, you feel drained of all emotion. The bags hanging under your eyes threaten to weigh you down completely as you find yourself barely able to swallow down the food you’re eating. Frankie’s looking at you with concern, and you wish you could assure him that you’re alright—but you know you’re not, and it’s going to take you a while until you can assure him of that.

When the silence’s become too much, you perk up a bit upon hearing Frankie starting to talk. “One thing I will never forget is how much of a riot he was,” Frankie reflects, and your chest constricts as you realize who he’s talking about. “Listen, that guy was fuckin’ hilarious. You know, I’ve never seen Pope laugh harder than he did that night we went to Bentley’s together. He just kept going off about that crazy coworker he had and had us laughing our asses off. Hands down, the funniest guy I’ve ever known.”

You giggle upon recalling the memory. It’d been such a fun night for you, just getting to head to the bar with your friends and your lover. He’d told you all about how much he loved Frankie and Pope after that night—it was when they’d really bonded. It meant more to you than you could’ve ever said, since he and Frankie were the most important people in your life. Your parents were an obvious addition to that. “That was funny.”

“He could get me to laugh no matter what,” Frankie continues, a warm light in his dark gaze as he sips on a beer. “Even when I was having an episode. That guy really knew how to snap me out of it fast.” He looks at you pointedly as he goes on. “There’s only one other person who knows how to do that.”

You smile at him, feeling the weight on your shoulders get just a bit lighter at the memories Frankie shares. “I didn’t know that.”

Frankie nods earnestly. “Oh, yeah. You know how they come on so randomly, sometimes. He could always tell, and he’d just make me laugh until I couldn’t breathe from his humor instead of my anxiety.”

Your heart warms at the simple thought of it. “He would’ve loved to hear that from you.”

Frankie gives you a small nod. “He did. I told him the last time I saw him.”

You want to smile at the thought of Frankie and your boyfriend having such an intimate conversation before he passed, but you can’t at the way it tugs at your heartstrings. You find yourself starting to tear up again as you reach for your water, drawing a sip in a lame attempt to push back your cries. Feeling guilty for all the emotion you’re displaying, you avoid Frankie’s gaze, staring at your empty plate instead. “I really miss him, Cat.”

“I know.” Frankie walks around the kitchen island to offer you another one of his embraces. You accept it earnestly, resting your cheek against his shoulder as he pats your back. “But I know what else you miss.” You remain silent, signaling for him to continue. “A good Star Wars rewatch.”

You laugh, sitting up from Frankie’s shoulder to see him taking your plate and putting it in the sink for you. He tells you to relax on the couch as he busies himself with something else in the kitchen, and you sit there as you play with the hem of the t-shirt you’d been crying over earlier. When Frankie finally joins you, he’s handing you a bowl of your favorite flavor of ice cream. You look at him in disbelief, seeing his dark gaze brighten at your happiness. “Frankie, you didn’t have to—.”

“I know,” Frankie stops you, reaching for the remote as he gives you a warm smile. “But I wanted to.”

You shake your head lightly at him, beginning to spoon the frozen treat into your mouth as the Star Wars logo takes you into its world of perfect escapism.

This all continues for countless weeks. Frankie tends to your every need and unspoken want, making sure you’re fed and feeling comfortable. You still haven’t willed yourself to go back to work, and you feel guilty at the way you’re not contributing whatsoever to the home Frankie’s sharing with you. He constantly assures you that there’s no need, that you’ve done enough for him over the years to have earned such kindness and generosity, but it still sits as a weight upon your conscience. You often watch the way he cares for you in a manner that not even your boyfriend truly did, and you figure it’s just because he knows you so well. You’d known Frankie longer than you’d known anyone else in your life, including your boyfriend, and so it made sense that he’d want to keep you safe and comfortable.

It isn’t until about two months or so into your arrangement that you truly realize why he’s acting the way he is—and how you reciprocate that same feeling.

You’ve been avoiding it because you don’t know how to face it again. The way he looks at you even when you’re at your worst, the way he constantly checks in to make you smile at least once a day, the way his gaze brightens whenever he sees just a hint of your smile—Frankie has feelings for you. And though they’ve tried to keep themselves buried deep inside your chest, you know you have the same ones for him.

You know you have to tell him. It’s only fair—and you know it’s what you want. There is, however, another shred of guilt that comes with it. Are you moving on too fast? It’s only been about three months since your boyfriend passed. How would he feel if he knew you were already pursuing the passion of another man? But it’s Frankie. This is a discussion you’ve had before.

During one of the many nights you’d spent alongside your boyfriend’s hospital bed in those last few weeks, Frankie had come up involuntarily. He’d talked about your best friend with nothing but warmth, but one of the things he had to say took you by surprise. “I know he’ll take care of you,” he’d said, a twinkle sparkling in his gaze as he’d spoken.

“Of course he will,” you’d assured him, giving his hand a squeeze. “He’s my best friend.”

He’d nodded. “I know he cares about you deeply, and vice versa. It makes me feel so much better about having to leave you. I know I won’t be leaving you alone.” When you were unable to respond, he’d smiled at you. “And it’s okay, my love, to let whatever happens happen. If there’s someone I trust to care for you just as much as I’ve cared for you in my absence, it’s Frankie.”

You’d managed a smile at his words. “I know,” you’d whispered, not thinking too deeply about what he’d said.

But now, it’s almost like he knew what would come from this. You’re pacing the floor as you wait for Frankie to get home from work, trying to plan the words out correctly in your head. Not only are you terrified to confess something so deep during such a time of emotional turmoil, but also because it’s your best friend you’re taking about—and, if your estimations about his feelings have somehow been wrong, you could be jeopardizing your entire friendship.

You think you have a plan, but you’re unable to confirm it before the apartment door opens. You freeze immediately, meeting Frankie’s gaze with hardly disguised anxiety. Frankie’s own gaze softens upon seeing your unstable state, and he tosses his keys onto the counter as he approaches where you’ve been pacing in front of the couch.

“What’s up?” Frankie asks softly, his hands falling on your shoulders as he searches your gaze. “Are you having a low day again?”

You shake your head, swallowing hard as your shaky hands reach up to grab his wrists. “No, Cat. I just… I have something to tell you.” You gently pull his hands off your shoulders and slide yours down to meet his, holding them between yours with care. Your gaze that was following your movements now looks up to meet Frankie’s again, and you see concern flicker in them straightaway.

“You can tell me anything,” Frankie reminds you, his voice hushed.

You nod, taking a deep breath as you decide to get it over with. “Cat, I’ve been thinking a lot, and I’ve been noting the ways you take care of me, and listen to me, and even just look at me. And I—I honestly think that I…” you trail off, your gaze falling to your hands again, “… I think I’m in love with you.”

There’s a quick silence that follows, and you almost regret getting the words out when Frankie frees one of his hands from your grasp. You feel his fingers gently grab your chin as he tilts it up, forcing you to look back into his gaze again. It’s softer than you’ve ever seen it before, full of such raw emotion as he studies you. You see him swallow hard before he finally speaks. “Really?” You give him a nod, watching as he beams at you. “Well, I think it’s no secret that I’ve been in love with you—for a long time.” Frankie pauses, his fingers gently brushing alongside your cheek as he tucks a fallen piece of your hair back behind your ear. “But are you sure? I don’t want you to feel as if you should move more quickly than you’re comfortable with.”

You look at him with all the emotion you can muster as you recount the same memory you’ve just been thinking on. “I honestly think, Cat, that I’ve had these feelings embedded within me for longer than even I’ve known it. He knew it. He told me, before he left, that he trusted you to take care of me—because he knew you cared about me. And he told me that he knew I cared about you, too. I think I’ve been in love with you for a long time, now, and I just never knew it.”

You wish you could save a snapshot of the way Frankie’s eyes light up upon hearing your words. The corners of his lips start to tug upwards into a smile as he lets his hand cup your cheek. “You have no idea how happy that makes me.”

You close your eyes and lean into his touch, loving the way it all feels so familiar to you—and so right. “Knowing it’s what he’d want just makes it all that much better.” You reopen your eyes, drowning in the dark look of pure affection Frankie’s offering you. “I need your love. I don’t know how I’d live without you, Frankie.”

Frankie starts to lean closer to you, and you feel your heart race at the movement. He stops only when his lips are inches away from your own, his gaze searching yours as he continues to offer a light smile. He brushes his nose ever so gently over yours before he speaks. “You won’t ever have to figure out how to.” His words are hushed and full of certainty as he seals his lips over yours, filling you with a rush of pure love and ecstasy as you pull him closer. Frankie wraps his arm around your waist, pulling you against him as the kiss deepens. Your hands come up to hold onto the back of his neck, gently playing with the long wisps of hair that escape from under the cap he’s wearing. Your heart feels fuller than it ever has before as he pulls away, leaving an additional kiss on the tip of your nose.

You smile as you brush your nose over his again, losing yourself in his gaze soon after. “I love you,” you whisper, feeling perfectly happy for the first time in a long time.

Frankie’s hold on you never loosens as he smiles and leans forward once again. “I love you, too,” he mumbles against your lips, capturing them in another mind-boggling kiss soon after—reminding you of how he’s the perfect remedy for the heartbreak you never thought you’d recover from.