#or steven

      ooc: you are legally allowed to let v kiss you.

TW: Panic attacks, breif mention of depression

Steven sat against the table in the greenhouse, knees up to his chest, head in between them as his hands were locked above him. Tears streamed down his face and he tried to breathe, he just had to breathe.

I’m such a screw up , he thinks. Steven can feel his entire body trembling. He just - he just couldn’t hold it together anymore. His friends were leaving without him, were leaving him behind. They don’t care about me. They don’t need me. The other Gems could run Little Homeschool and there were no more missions to go on. He was useless.

You’re hurting your friends. You’re hurting the people you love. You can’t even control yourself. Steven can feel his ears ringing, louder and louder as he tries to catch the breath he’s not sure how he lost. He keeps having these episodes , keeps going pink and hurting the people he loves. And he can’t control it. Even after all these years, you can’t do it right. You can’t be a real Gem. And, fuck, maybe he can’t be a Gem. Maybe it’s good that there were no more missions to go on. He’d probably screw it up anyway.

Steven tangles his fingers in his hair, pulling and pulling. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop the tears, trying to control his goddamn emotions. He had to be mature. He had to be serious and he had to do some work, anywork. Because it wasn’t happily ever after. It was never happily ever after. He had to do something , something to prove that he was still useful and that he was still capable of things. But what if he wasn’t? What if he really was useless now? What if—

A touch on Steven’s shoulder makes him jump and his head is pulled out from between his legs. He can see the outline of whoever is in front of him, but everything is blurry from the tears.