#opinionator

The Busy Trap by Tim Kreider

I absolutely love this article for the NYTimes Opinionator by Tim Kreider about the Busy Trap. It highlights that our answer to how we’re doing is how busy we are – even children. Tim has a great outlook on introducing a bit more play, removing unnecessary distractions and finding space for himself.

Something that I try to do when people ask me how I am? Rather than lament how busy and…

”What I’m asking is that you first accept the racism within yourself, accept all of the truth about what it means for you to be white in a society that was created for you. I’m asking for you to trace the binds that tie you to forms of domination that you would rather not see. When you walk into the world, you can walk with assurance; you have already signed a contract, so to speak, that guarantees you a certain form of social safety.

Baldwin argues for a form of love that is “a state of being, or state of grace – not in the infantile American sense of being made happy but in the tough and universal sense of quest and daring and growth.” Most of my days, I’m engaged in a personal and societal battle against sexism. So many times, I fail. And so many times, I’m complicit. But I refuse to hide behind that mirror that lies to me about my “non-sexist nobility.” Baldwin says, “Love takes off the masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.” In my heart, I’m done with the mask of sexism, though I’m tempted every day to wear it. And, there are times when it still gets the better of me. White America/Europe, are you prepared to be at war with yourself, your white identity, your white power, your white privilege? Are you prepared to show me a white self that love has unmasked? I’m asking for love in return for a gift; in fact, I’m hoping that this gift might help you to see yourself in ways that you have not seen before. Of course, the history of white supremacy in America belies this gesture of black gift-giving, this gesture of non-sentimental love. Martin Luther King Jr. was murdered even as he loved.

Perhaps the language of this letter will encourage a split — not a split between black and white, but a fissure in your understanding, a space for loving a Trayvon Martin, Eric Garner, Tamir Rice, Aiyana Jones, Sandra Bland, Laquan McDonald and others. I’m suggesting a form of love that enables you to see the role that you play (even despite your anti-racist actions) in a system that continues to value black lives on the cheap.”

Opinionator | What My Mother Wanted Us to Pack

Opinionator | What My Mother Wanted Us to Pack Someone should take it.” Most of the furniture and clothing had already been earmarked for Goodwill — but how could we abandon our mother's little gate-leg table, or the lovely blue bowl that for decades had sat atop it? And what about her hand-knit … Read more on New York Times (blog)

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A friend asked if this sounded like something we’d encounter --

http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/08/18/the-idealist-versus-the-therapist/?_r=0

Sounds like us.

Then again, the therapist hasn't taken into account the people who have lived as both “idealist” and “therapist” before. We're never really sure what way of living is correct. It's trial and error and choosing the better of the two, or many options.

I've always strove for the balanced self and hoped for a life of stability. But I realized that that kind of lifestyle and mindset wasn't for me. I'm restless all the time and I need to be doing something. Otherwise, I mull and stumble into a depressed mood. I find that even when I'm burnt out or tired, I still feel the same. I like to complain about disorder and chaos but it recently hit me that deep inside I really appreciate it. Life's strange that way. It's contradictory.

My love of action -- fixing something, seeing something be fixed and feeling the wellness that radiates in other people's hearts just happens to trump everything else that makes up my life. In the end, it's all about your values. What do you want to see out of them? Why? Why are they important to you?

I'm not sure if you've noticed but I'm a frantic person. I am a pessimist, worrywart and more of a realist than idealist. But I embrace ideals because they are a gamble. Ideals are risks because we're uncertain of the future. We don't know their outcome. I think we embrace them not only because of the good we can see would come out of them. But also, because the process of fighting for an ideal is challenging and exciting. If it's successful, we feel fulfilled and relieved. If we fail, we feel awful. At the same time, failing is a learning experience. The feelings we get out of failure are burdensome and hard to bear but getting over failure is a cathartic experience. If we're able to look pass the mistakes we've made and learn, that makes us stronger as a person. I think that's the beauty of it. I'm actually always scared of failing and try to avoid making mistakes when I can. I'm cautious because it's hard for me to rebound back as a person. But at the same time, I also love taking the risks because life is dull and boring when it's stable. Am I even making sense?