#opff

hi everyone! so i’m about to reach 800 followers on my blog (yay!), and i thought i’d celebrate by creating a fandom family in appreciation of all of you xoxoxo

rules :

— must be following this hp trash

— reblog this post! (likes count as bookmarks)

— check out my creations and my sideblogs (optional)

— send me 3 characters* from any of my fandoms + your name + the url you’d prefer on the page + a short quote

what you get :

— my eternal love & appreciation ♡

— a spot on this lovely page

— the tag #zlainasfam for all your creations, selfies, events, anything!!

A/N: Brushes off the dust… I had a sudden spurr of inspiration and came up with this. Let me know what you guys think. For everyone who has stuck around I can’t thank you enough. These past few years have been a complete roller coaster and I’m sorry I wasn’t around to keep my stories going while I went through it all. Hopefully I’ve come back as a stronger writer but in the end I just really enjoy it and that’s the important part right? Anyways enjoy!

The days passed faster than I could hold on to them. Each day bringing us somberly closer to the impending notion that Hayley would be leaving again. My stomach was churning at the thought but I knew I had to be strong. I needed to show her that I trusted her again and actually try my best to. Sure she would be alone… doing whatever she wanted…. With whoever she wanted…. But…. We were giving this one last go so go hard or go home right?

I splashed my face in the sink. Trying to remind myself this was only temporary. The day Hayley left was only yesterday but it already felt like a million years. I had planned on visiting them, Hayley even invited me to stay for a few weeks but I had talked myself out of it. I needed to get out of this irrational fear. Okay so maybe it wasn’t so irrational but if we were going to work I needed to learn to trust her again because after an album there were tours and those lasted a lot longer than just making an album. I needed to be strong. But how was I supposed to when I could barely remember who I was before I met Hayley. Would it be possible for me to be an individual again while also still being in a relationship with someone that had me wrapped around their finger?

Time to grow a back bone and remember who you were…Are… I thought to myself.

……………………………….

Week one was probably the hardest. You don’t really realize how much time you spend with someone til you are forced to do everything alone. Shopping, movies, napping, driving. I felt like an isolated prisoner in my own home and I hated it. Sure we chatted, we facetimed but there was already a time difference and they were trying to create an album, distractions weren’t exactly welcome. She faithfully called me before I went to sleep every night even if it was for a quick goodnight and I love you’s but it didn’t stop the pang in my chest or the fear that was growing inside me.

…………………………………….

Week 2 wasn’t much easier. We still talked but not quite as regularly because they were starting to track vocals so she was basically on permanent voice rest which made communicating on anything other then text pretty hard. I had decided I was going to stop moping around and try and get out so I tried my knack at running. I lasted a good 5 minutes before I was bent over huffing and trying to remember if I had asthma or not with the way I was breathing. I mean I knew I was decently out of shape but damn did it suck to feel it firsthand. I also tried hot yoga that week…. Another NO. There was absolutely no reason to be that sweaty for something as casual as yoga! By the end of the week I felt the same pain, just also physical pain from being sore. I went to sleep with icy hot rubbed on my calves and joint and made the bed smell of bengae instead of Hayley’s hair. I was forced to finally wash my sheets ridding the odd and peculiar mixture of icy hot and Hayley’s scent once and for all. For this not being a break up it really freaking felt like one, but I was committed. I needed to be able to be an individual and find myself before I went jumping into some serious relationship. I wasn’t going to ever loose myself the way I had before. There had to be a way to love someone but not lose yourself in the process. You’re supposed to grow together, not grow over one another and I felt like a helpless plant that had been taken over by weeds and other invasive species.

………………………………………..

Week three was somewhat better. They had taken a break from vocals to write some more songs and Hayley was finally able to talk more. We texted less and actually had less phone calls but in a way it made it more meaningful. We had more to talk about if we spoke fewer times then discussing our entire day through texts and stumbling to find good topics over the phone when we had already heard the play by plays of one another’s day the whole time. This week I thought I was try maybe a bit of poetry. I mean I played guitar and wrote a bit but poetry was always an interesting subject for me. I had recently found a favorite poet online who really capture the essence of so many things I was feeling bubbling inside of me over this past year or so but more importantly I went back through my old writings too. The days when I couldn’t get enough or when I just needed to get away.

I looked through one in particular catching my attention. It made my heart clench to remember how long yet not long enough it was that I had written this out. I read it my eyes scanning the paper feeling the tears well at the sides of my eyes.

Pick me like a flower

Pick me like a book

Pick me, oh pick me like I wasn’t overlooked

Pick me like I was always your first choice

Pick me like you couldn’t fathom anyone else

Pick me and tell the others even when I’m not around

Pick me like I’m wanted

Pick me like I’m not dead

Pick me like you promised

But you picked them instead.

I put it back down my mind made up. I wanted to go to a poetry slam this week. That would be my goal To listen to others put their feelings into words and figure out what the hell I was doing and who I was under all of this drama, heartache and nonsense.

It was a surreal feeling listening to all these people, much more brave than I as they walked up on stage and spoke their feelings, their mind and their heart through words. I never felt like I was all that good with words, I guess that’s why I played music, not wrote it but still. I cried, I laughed, and I felt for the people as I listened to poem after poem. When it ended I sat there with my drink, just thinking.

When I finally made my way home I was shaking. What had happened to me? I love Hayley. I knew that but what the hell happened to the girl who would be okay on her own? The girl who was fine with the old Hayley who ignored her? What happened to the Casey who just played her heart out in music and lived life? Where was she and for the life of me how did I find her again? I just wanted to feel like my own person again goddamn it, was that really so much to ask for?

My phone began ringing and I grabbed it my anger and frustration coming out as I answered

“What?”

“Woah…. What happened? Or more so who did it?” Hayleys familiar voice filled the line

My anger faded a bit feeling a bit guilty for yelling at her for no reason.

“Sorry. I’ve just had a bit of a rough day…” I said laying into my couch

“I figured something was up when I didn’t get a text about you going to bed” She said back through the line

“I just….. Hayley do you remember when you hated me?” I asked

“Wait. I never hated you Case” She quickly said

“No. I mean. Well when you didn’t like me then?” I asked again to clarify

“It was never about not liking you. It was about liking you more then I should’ve. The day we kissed you flipped my world upside down and it was my feeble attempt at trying to keep things in control that I had no control over” She said rustling as I heard her settle into a couch or maybe blanket

“Yeah but do you remember what I was like?” I pushed

“Well yeah. You were cool. You were always very cool to me. Like those kids you have to watch from a distance. You never seemed to ever care that I gave you the cold shoulder or that I ignored you. Everyone loved you and I was always so angry that you just had that natural effect on everyone” She said

“but now….” I stuttered not sure if I wanted to hear the answer

“But now I realize I was a complete idiot. I should have figured out a long time ago that everything I could ever want and need was right in front of me….” She breathed out. My heart fluttered but I caught myself.

“I think I lost myself” I said quietly

“What do you mean Case?” Hayley questioned slowly

“I think… I think I threw myself so hard into you and what I felt for you that along the way I lost myself… and now…. Now I’m not sure I know who I am anymore….” I said quietly trying not to let her hear the quiver in my voice.

“Case” She said quietly unsure how to even respond.

“I know its not something you can fix. Especially over the phone. But that’s what I’ve been working on while you’ve been gone. I want to be able to be my own person again….” I said quietly the words coming out without as much strength as I’d hoped.

“What exactly are you saying Casey….” She questioned the fear blatantly obvious in her voice

“Oh fuck. No Hayles. I don’t mean anything with me not wanting to be with you or anything” I said quickly picking up on her worries. I heard her audibly sigh in relief.

“I just… I wanted you to know. Because… Well… I think it should be important to be able to be in a relationship but also still be your own person. You can be two separate people and still be madly in love you know?” I asked

“Yeah. I understand that. So…. You’re doing a bit of a journey to find yourself is what you’re saying?” She asked to be sure

“Yeah. Yeah I guess I am…. I just want to find the person who was in there before we went through everything we went through… and I know I don’t necessarily have to be the same person because weve obviously grown and changed but I just need to find some part of me, something to remind me that I am my own person you know?” I said

“Yeah. I get what you mean. Well I’m here Case if you need me for anything but I understand also if you want to take a step back during this time too. Whatever you want to do and anything I can do to help” She said supportively. I smiled she honestly was the best girlfriend.

It has been a ridiculously long time and I have no one to blame but myself.

so 10 fics of general/friendship/no romance fics you might like 

*** - favs (they have my eternal love and it’ll never change) 

all of them are complete (this time)

2 weeks later. Casey POV We were officially back in Franklin. Hayley had stayed for another few days with my family but left eventually to let me have some family time. It was nice but eventually I left too. Things were tough. I finally starting talking to emily again but it wasnt exactly the same. although i gave in and forgave her. We were both really busy and the time we got to talk to each other seemed to get smaller and smaller. It was like Hayley and I were starting fromthe beginning again. She was hesistant with everything she said and did and I wasnt much better but hell were we fighting to make this work. Hayley and I didnt spend the night at each others houses anymore. She came over sometimes but never stayed the night. It hurt sometimes and othertimes I was glad she didnt get to see my nighttime rituals. Id gotten into the habit of waking up crying at night. I dont know what caused it but it had been happening for the past week. Hayley and the guys had come over last night. I think they all spent the night. I do know that I had quite a bit to drink. I yawned sitting up. Hayley is sitting on the sofa staring at me when I realized where I was. I groggily pulled the blanket off of my head and twisted out of Taylor's arms. Hayley's hair was in a ponytail (a look I decided looked amazing on her) and her legs pulled up under her body. She was sipping one cup of tea and resting the other on her knee. I stood, smoothing down my hair and took the tea she had offered for me. "You look beautiful," Hayley said softly. "I Iook beyond rough," I scoffed. My voice cracked and nearly gave out. I knew my hair was a mess and my make-up had run down my cheeks and smudged enough to make me look like a panda. I took a sip of the tea but end up burnt my throat and I held in a squeal. That was typical for us. Akwardness, hayley trying to be nice, me being quite bitchy, and then we go to sleep just to do it all over again... Great. The next few days we everything seemed to go i slow motion. I tried my hardest not to snap at hayley. I know I shouldnt be so resentful but everything tended to remind me of her betrayal. I mean Id only just come to terms with it. She cheated on me... and there was nothing I could do about it. I mostly put my emotions into partying and drinking. Hayley had given up drinking again but I knew she always looked out for me along with the guys. They could tell something was up. Hayley and i were just striving to make this work. It had to... we needed it too. It was another typical day, Last night we'd gone to one of Alex's parties and of course my head was now killing me as a repercussion of the shit I got into. "Hey case!" Taylors voice filled my ears as I groaned pulling the covers over my head "leave me alonee" i said as he pulled the covers down. "What are you doing in my house?" i asked squinting at him. "um we have a bit of a problem" he said as I sighed rolling over "Yes. The problem is Im awake" i said turning over as he rolled me back over. "you see We had planned on going on a bit of a longer tour so hayley arranged for her house to get redone but... were not. As you know instead were going to write a bit and well... your girlsfriends homeless and too scared to ask you to stay here so im asking. Can hayley stay with you for a bit?" Taylor asked as I opened my eyes "wait what?" I asked sitting up "Look we all know you guys are having problems. Maybe this will be good for you both. Just... Just go tell her she can stay here... I mean if you want her too" he added seeing my expression. "Yeah... um sure she can" i said frowning as I yawned "where is she?" I asked "Jerms house. Get dressed. Were all going out to lunch then you can tell her" He said as I nodded slowly climbing outta my bed. I got dressed slipping on a pair of skinny jeans and a hoodie as I met taylor in my living room. I suddenly relaize the situation... why would she be scared to ask to stay here? I mean its not like were moving in together... I instantly felt guilty. What kind of girlfriend makes their partner scared of them? Me apparently. "Can I ask you something?" Taylor asked me on the way over. "Yeah" I replied looking out the window somewhat still lost in my thoughts. "What happened? In England you guys were doing great... i mean you werealmost like dating again...and now its like youve backpedaled" He asked as I felt my heart clench. "I... Its hard to explain" i said softly. he nodded somewhat hurt that I didnt want to tell him which made me feel worse so I gave in. "Its like... I guess... In England I never actually accpeted it ya know? Sure I was angry and hurt but I didnt let it fully sink in... I was being a coward and running away. Even when we started those little dates I never accepted what she did..." I said as he nodded "So you kinda just zoned out that she had cheated?" he asked as I nodded "yeah.. but then we got home and it was like the little charade I'd been playing was done and reality kinda hit me like a fucking linebacker. And now.. I..we were basically back to square one . Our realtionship is so...fragile.. and I know she sees that. Its just not the same anymore.. and I know it probably never will be. Ill always have the scars of of it but i just...I wish we didnt tip toe around each other anymore. Shes terrified to do anything wrong but.. Im a coward and wont confront her about it." I said sighing then realizing how good it felt to tell someone.

We met jerm and hayley at the waffle house. We smile at each other but dont make any other effort to aknowlege each other. I sit down next to taylor and hayley sits by jerm. Shes texting on her phone as taylor elbows me. I give him a What? look but he just nods over to hayley as I sigh taking a large gulp of my coke. "So your getting your house redone?" i asked as her head shot up "oh um yeah. I forgot I'd scheuduled it so im gonna be crashing with the guys" She said looking at her phone still. "Why didnt you tell me?" I asked pursing my lips "I didnt wanna bother you or anything.. Its not like its the first time ive stayed at their houses" She said. I scratch my head and look at her "you can stay at my place if you want" I say . Her texting stops completely and she slowly looks up. I think she was searching for some sort of sign I wasnt serious or maybe i was just saying it to pity her.. "im serious. Its not a big deal or anything." i added. she shrugged "Nah. i dont wanna impose" She said while I rolled my eyes getting kinda annoyed. I heard jeremy clear his throat as he and taylor excused themselves. "Where are they going?" She asked watching them leave. "Look its not a big deal... I... I want you to stay at my house" i said as she looked at me "Case. Really. I just... if you dont want me to..." She said but I stopped her "I do" i replied simply before getting up and throwing some money on the table. "cmon. We'll get your stuff" I said as she followed silently. We told the guys the plan who went along happily, probably because they devised this whole plan. We drove to jerms house and I helped pack some of the stuff she had. i frowned looking at the small bag. "is this all the stuff you have?" i asked loading it into the back of my car. "Oh um yeah kinda. I still gotta get some more stuff from my place. I was gonna pick it up later" She said scuffing her foot. I bit my lip. I knew what she was avoiding asking me... to go to her house... Her house... the same one we made love in... the same one she slept with chad in... Fuck... I took a deep breath. "We can stop by. I dont... er mind" i said stiffly as she looked up at me but i couldnt look her in the eyes. She sighed "Case... We dont ha..." She said softly but I stopped her "I said its fine. Cmon" I said not letting her finish. I got into the car. She climbed in beside me and we began the trip to her house. I hadnt visited since the day I'd left it crying... Fuck. We pulled up silently and she got out. "Do you want to um stay in the car? I wont be long" she said softly sensing my building tension. "No... Ill... Ill be in in a minute" i said. She got out without another word and I sat in the car watching her walk in. She left the door ajar. I finally sighed and turned off my car venturing inside her house. I walked in cautiously looking around. She was getting some of the bedrooms redone and some walls knocked out to be replaced. Her kitchen was in a state. I looked around the familar place. I remembered all the memories we shared here. I walked into her living room smirking at the pictures she had up of us. I walked up to one from the past warped tour. Picking it up softly, looking at it...it was so delicated... we were so happy then... innocent, not giving a shit what anyone thought. I traced her face softly with my finger. I could remember that day like it'd just happened.

.....................................

"Jesus! I dont know why I decided to go along with this. i swear case. If I get arrested im kicking you ass!" Hayley said smirking as I rolled my eyes finally getting the lock undone. See. Sometimes these skills did come in handy.

"Oh stop being a funsponge. Cmon" I said holding the door open for her as she walked in before i closed it behind us. I slipped my hand into hers butterflies filling my stomach as they always did. I jogged taking off as Hayley called after me laughing and chasing me. "You jerk! Get back here!" she yelled laughing as I laughed running through the halls till i reached my destination. i finally stopped smiling at the large blue beauty infront of me. I felt hayley run into me making me let out a unusual oof. "Shit. Sorry babe" She said as i laughed pulling ehr softly to look infront of us. "Woah... this things huge" She said looking at it as I nodded "yeah. When I came here with taylor and justin we snuck in once. Had a fucking blast." i replied as she walked over dipping her foot into the water. "its not too cold" She said as I nodded dumbly. Before i knew it she was pulling off her shirt and shorts and dived in. "getting in?" She asked as I frowned before actually comprehending what she was saying. I was a bit too distracted perving on how gorgeous she looked. "yeah" i said hopping around as i slipped outta my jeans. Stupid things. i pulled my shirt off quickly leaving me in my bra and underwear and did a cannon ball into the water. I came up beside hayley who was laughing. "Real graceful case" she replied as i rolled my eyes floating over to her. She smiled slipping her arms around my neck and her legs while I kept us both afloat. We bobbed slightly before she leaned down planting a soft kiss on my lips. She pulled away too soon leaving me wanting more as always. "Thank you. This place is amazing case" She said softly as I smiled. "like you" I replied before leaning up to get a proper kiss. She happily obliged our kiss quickly turning heated her hands roaming at the same pace as mine, wanting, needing to feel more skin, needing to be closer and touch each other. We were quickly interrupted when I lost my footing on the slope to the deep end and we tumbled underwater. I came up in hysterics cracking up with hayley both of us laughing at our antics.

.................................. The night was one I would never forget. Both of us happy, together. It seemed like so long ago. I smirked remebering how freaked out hayley was when her blonde hair had turned green from the bleach and we had to quickly dye it back. I put the picture back down and walked over to the opposite side seeing her CD player. It was actuallymore of a DJ set all the buttons and gadgets the thing had but she loved it to bits even if she didnt know what all of the buttons did. Something caught my eye. I leaned over reaching inside to see the all too familar CD in there. Casey's Mixtape. I smiled at it as i heard Hayley come down the stairs "Case?" She called out as i quickly put the CD back in fiddling with it which somehow made it turn on as my eyes grew wide. We killed it by say anything began blasting as my face dropped. "shit" i said trying to turn it off as hayley walked over giving me a weird look. "case... Case. CASE!" She said over the music finally walking over and turning it down as our eyes met. I knew I was blushing at my dorkiness but before I could say anything she bursted out laughing. "Dont lauggh!" i said though I was smiling too. "I leave you down here for two minutes and this is what you get into?" She asked the smirk I was much too fond of back momentairy before she quickly wipped it clear looking at her shoes nervously and like that the moment was gone. "Yeah... erm sorry about that... It kinda.. just turned on" i said scratching my neck before brushing the incident off. I walked over to the old stero dusting it off. "Why do you still keep this old thing?" I asked curisouly trying not to let it become too awkward. "I dont know... has character ya know?" She replied as I shrugged somewhat understanding. "got everything?" I asked. She nodded pulling a suitcase behind her as I raised my eyebrow but didnt say anything. Before we left I quickly opened the CD and snagged the mxitape smiling as we got into the car. She gave me a look as put the CD in as she laughed "Hey! Thats mine" She said as I rolled my eyes "Because my names totally not on it" I said backing out as say anything came on again. "Yeah but I took it. You said I couldhave it.." She said frowning asI laughed at her cuteness before realizing we were slipping back into our old ways. I smiled wider "Yeah I said you could ahve it if you ever found it again because i thought i lost it!" i said laughing as she did too "Yeah it was lost" She said smirking "Yeah after you stole it" i said switching to number 5. Passion pit by fozzey and VanC began playing as I smiled "I cant believe how obsessed you were with them" She said asI stuck my tounge out at her "Hey! Their musics amazing. I mean have you heard these lyrics? "I know it hurts that shit burns to the core but if you leave that pain hurts even more." I mean really thats deep shit" I said as she nodded giving in and I knew she was retracting again. I sighed ready to drive in another silence. We got to my house jerm and taylor already there. I was opening my door when i heard another car pull up. We all turned around to see Alex and Jack jumping our their car. I smiled widely as they ran over engulfing each of us with hugs. "Long time no see case" Alex said wrapping an arm around me. "Yeah.What are yall doing in town? I thought your on tour?" I asked opening the door so we could all walk inside. We walked to the living room as i watched hayley put her stuff in my spare bedroom. I frowned slightly but turned my attention back to the guys. "Yeah. We have a break and decided to come get our favorite people to come over tonight for this great party!" he said as i frowned "I dont know..." I said remembering the last party i went to with hayley and them. She looked at them remembering too. "Cmon! I promise no drugs! Just alcohol and amazing music!" Jack promised as I sighed "Alright alright" I said knowing that i really just wanted to get drunk and ease some of the stress of the situation. "Whatcha guys say? Cmon jerm you can invite kat" I said as jerm shrugged "Im in" he said and taylor nodded too calling justin to invite him. I looked at hayley "You coming?" I asked. She pursed her lips then nodded. "Cool" I said getting the details before we all decided to get ready. ............... Id changed into a pair of tight ripped black skinny jeans and a long "Out of control" t-shirt where I'd cut the sleeves off and some doc martins. I was going a bit for a sluttier look tonight. I did look pretty great though. I put on some smokey eye shadow and acceserized with a gold necklace and some bracelets. I left my hair out wavy and walked out my bathroom to everyone else waiting already ready. Hayley had slipped into skinny jeans and a button up with her hair loosely hanging around her shoulders. She didnt even try and she looked gorgeous. "Ready?" I asked "I dont know. Might catch more girls then me looking like that" Jack said wrapping an arm around me walking us out the door with everyone else following. We got into three diffrent cars. Jack Hayley and i rode in one and jerm tay and Alex rode in another. I sat in the front seat watching the scenary as jack and Hayley chatted amicably. The party was already in full swing when we arrived. I only remember bits and pieces of the nights if Im being honest. I remember drinking alot and when i realized it wasnt enough Id agreed to trying this weird concotion one of alex's mates had made me. I knew there probably was some kind of drug in it but i didnt give a fuck. I wanted to get wasted and enjoy myself. I remember the sound blaring and my head spinning. The music was pumping through my veins and I was dancing without a care in the world. I danced with several guys i know that for a fact. A couple got a bit handsy and I think jack or taylor may have pulled a few away. They were always looking out for me. I do remember Hayley yelling at someone for letting me get this wasted. I was swaying to the music and then i dont remember much. I think i may have blacked out. My memory recovers when I get sick outside in the bushes. Its a bit fuzzy but I remember being pulled outside by alex and put in the car and a flash of blonde hair along with Hayley yelling at Alex about almost the state I was in. I dont remember much after that. I feel disgusting. I know I got some throw up on me along with sweat from God knows who. Im back home still wobbly on my feet. Someone has my hand and the next thing is my clothes are gone and waters being poured on me. I feel a soft touch and lean towards it enjoying the feeling before jumping away realizing it was Hayley. She softly coxed me back over running the warm water over me as she soothed out my messy hair. "Jesus Case. What were you thinking?" She whispered into my hair and then everything about that night is black. The next morning I wake up and everything aches. I feel like someone took a brick to my head, my throats agonizingly dry and I think i may have some brusies on my ribs and thighs. Thats when i notice the extra warmth. It takes me a while to realize who exactly it is next to me, and the position that were in; arms around each others waists, fingers tangled in the fabric of shirts and one leg in a very awkward position. I inhale. Hayley. I roll away and grimacing as my stomach lurches violently. Hayley's arms tighten around me, but my movement wakes her. Hayley sits up with a start and immediately she pulls away from me, an apologetic look crossing her face. "I..You..Sorry.. I tried to leave... but you err wouldnt let go of my shirt" She said quickly leaving the bed. I feel a sudden coldness with her gone and I realize how much I'd missed sleeping next to her... feeling her curled up beside me. Our limps tangled... I frown grasping the blankets as she comes back in with a glass of water and some advil. "Thank you" I croak out taking the water and pills happy to rid this terribly feeling. I stay in bed for hours longer. Hayley leaves to go out for a bit and I stay in bed. Eventually i make myself get up taking another shower and changing into sweat pants and a big jacket. Hayley wouldnt be home for another hour and I was really thankful of her taking care of me last night. I walked into the kitchen my mind made up. I would make us dinner to thank her i guess in a weird way. Istarted off hurrying around in the kitchen as i started making the dinner. I didnt have too much time so chicken pasta would have to do. I made some tea and a salad and was just pulling the chicken out of the oven when Hayley walked through. She sniffed the air walking in and slowed looking at the food. "Dinner" I said taking a seat at my plate of food as she walked over sitting over in her seat where a plate filled with food sat. "Thanks" She said her voice uncertain. We ate in silence not akward but not entirely comfortable. When I finish she collects our plates and opts to do the dishes and put up the left overs. I happily go my room and she stays down stairs. I stay up a good hour waiting to see if she would come to my room but she didnt. In a way i was glad but in another I wwas kinda hurt. The weeks went by like this. I would wake up alone and make us breakfast. We began talking somewhat in the morning of our plans for the day. She would clean the dishes and head out for one thing or another. Id been praticing my guitar alot. I must say I missed playing shows. Taylor and Jerm came over and now and again and we'd entertain them but basically our day was breakfast going out sepreately and me making dinner. I was becoming a really good chef if I do say so myself. To be completely honest Hayley and I were becoming almost disgustingly domestic besides the whole physical apsect. She sleeps in the guest room and I sleep in my room. And thats just how things were. On one particular night I'd made a specialty of mine for dinner. We talked normally and she went on about how at the studio they'd recorded with Tegan and Sara and Taylor and Tegan were getting down in the studio. We were both laughing and eating as I finally pushed my plate away full. "I bet ive gained like 50 pounds from just sitting around" I said sticking my stomach out. "Your beautiful" She softly whispered. I almost didnt catch it but she said it her face looking down at her food as she finished her own plate clean. I blushed slightly. God I felt like a school girl again. I decided to grab our plates for tonight taking mine and walking over and taking hers too. I leaned down kissing her cheek softly and swiftly before putting the plates in the sink and walking out of the kitchen. I was halfway out the kitchen door when itdawned on me what I'd just done. I turned around to see Hayley blankly staring at the table her finger tips to her cheek just as suprised as I was. I smile slightly and headed to my bed for the night. The days pass and things between us slowly progress. Ever since the kiss Hayley started doing her stuff on her laptop in the living room. I would usually play my guitar in the open area next to the living room. It was like we were in synch. Im smiling more and laughing and the old Hayley is showing herself more frequently. "Hey Case. Can you play that again?" Hayley asked me one night as i stopped poking my head out "What?" I asked as she turned to me "That little melody can you play it again for me... on the acoustic?" She asked. I nodded bringing my acoustic out to the couch where she had her feet curled up under her as she waited patiently. I softly played the rift again as she nodded to it then put down her laptop and began furiously writing. I didnt wanna mess her up so instead I improvised keeping it going till she smiled down at her paper. I didnt move back to the other living room and instead we worked silently together me playing my guitar and her typing away on her computer. It was nice... I rememeber a particular night when I was playing the guitar. I knew Hayley was trying hard to stay awake but when i got up to go to the bathroom by the time I came back she'd fallen asleep on her computer. I gently walked over shaking her softly as she moaned. "Hayles you gotta go to bed" I said getnly "I dont wanna" She mumbled so instead I did the next best thing. I grabbed a pillow and blanket from my room and put ehr head on it lightly then covered her small body with the blacket. I unconciously bent down kissing her forehead and headed up to my own room to sleep. ................. We kept having these little moments like those as the days passed. Another night it was I who feel asleep on the couch my head resting on my guitar I had held straight up. "Case" Hayleys voice gently said "Case. Time to go to bed" She said softly taking my guitar to put it down before pulling me to my feet. I wearily stretch stiflting a yawn as I felt hayleys hand on the small of my back to stablalize me. It lingers slightly before dropping when I went to head to bed. She grabbed a blanket from the couch arm heading down the corridor to her bed but I cut her off going into her room first. I Face-planted onto her bed.I felt hayley rearrange my body to get under the covers. I waited for Hayley to get in but I didnt feel her. I open one of my eyes to see her weary eyes debating whether to get in. I make the choice for her sliding over and throwing the covers down for her to climb in. I turn away from her finally feeling the bed go down but not the warmth of her body behind me. Im half asleep and debating to slid beside her or not. The next morning I realize my choice had been made considering my arms are now wrapped around hayleys waist her head nuzzled into my neck. From that day one we began sleeping in the same bed. It was nice. We never touched when we went to bed but always woke up tangled in one another. I liked waking up to her smell. It was unique to hayley alone. Hayley POV I knew it would be tough but things were finally starting to turn around. I was writing and the guys and I were slowly recording bits and pieces for this new album. Id finally decided to go back to my usual firery red and I think Case really liked it. The only downside? My house was almost finished. I really enjoyed waking up and going to bed with Casey. We were a bit awkward at times but most days it was really enjoyable. I jumped on the couch next to Casey happily holding out a DVD. She put down the magazine she was reading and looked at it then smirked "Pleaseeee?" I asked sticking my lip out slightly as she laughed "Go for it hayles" She said putting her magazine down as I smiled widely jumping off and towards the TV. I inserted the Avengers Movie Id been talking about wanting to see nonstop as she got a blanket pulling it out and leaning back against the couch. I unconciously slid down next to her leaning into her and to my suprise she draped an arm around me. I leapt at the opportunity and cuddled closer tucking my leggs under me and snuggled into my girlfriends arms. I tried to focus on the movie but the only thing that i could was how perfect i fit with case. How when I was in her arms nothing could harm me or how much I wanted to keep this feeling forever. The movie ended and casey looked down at me. I still had my head leaning into her chest. "Hayles...the movies done" She said gently I guess assuming I was asleep but i just nodded. "I know...but...Can we just stay like this a little bit longer?" I asked my nerves taking over. I was so scared she would reject me... would realize that I could never make up for all the shit I put her through but instead she smiled and nodded. "yeah" She said softly her hands combing through my hair. I laid contently on her for awhile more til we both pulled apart to the doorbell. Never have i wanted more to kill whoever dared to bother us then at that moment but Casey eased me off of her and got up to see who it was while I took out the DVD and switched on the regular TV. "Hey! Havent seen yall in a bit. Thought you guys might be dead or something" She said as I heard the footsteps coming in. "Hayles!" Taylor said walking in with jerm and kat following "Hey guys! Kat!" I said hugging kathrine tightly before turning back towards everyone "Whats up?" I asked "Wanted to see if yall wanted to join us for a bit of a bowling tonight. Taylor even has a date!" Jerm said as I laughed eager to say yes but paused turning to case for permission. I know it was kinda weak but I wanted her approval the last thing I needed was for her to be upset with me. "You want to?" Casey asked as I shyly nodded. She rolled her eyes annoyance showing through but said sure to the guys. We piled into my car and jerms and headed to the bowling alley. It was kinda late so we went cosmic bowling. It was so much fun even if I sucked horribly. Case and I were on a team along with kat and jerm and Tay and his date ashley. She was nice but she seemed a bit shell shocked with us all. I was coming back to sit when I noticed there were no more seats left. Instead I opted to stand next to case as she looked up at me. "Wanna sit down?" she asked "Nah its fine" I said leaning on the back of her chair. She sighed leaning back and I looked guiltily towards ashley who was bowling. I knew she hated when I got shy and coy about thigns. I knew she wannted us to act normal but I couldnt help it. I was taking baby steps and I didnt want to rush anything espcially when we were still so fragile. Before I knew it I was being tugged softly and I landed on caseys lap. Her arms wrapped around my waist and her chin rested on my shoulder. I instictively intertwined our fingers smiling like a fool not paying attention to anything but the amazing woman i had wrapped around me. "hayley... Hayley!" Someone called but I didnt care because casey wasnt the one saying it. "Hayles. Its your turn hun" Casey said as I shook myself from my trance. I looked up to see everyone smirking and looking at me "Oh yeah" I said unhappily getting up and quickly bowling. I sat back down and waited for casey to go before going back to my new favorite position on her lap. The rest of the night went well I guess. I wasnt really paying attention to anything except casey. God I loved her... One thing I did notice though was how amazing her legs looked in the jean shorts shed put on.... I licked my lips slightly at the sight. God I was like a teenage boy. I craved to touch her but knowing I couldnt was like a blow to the stomach. Id lost the right to touch her in that way... be with her in that way because I fucked up... Casey POV Its been about 2 months total that Hayley and I have basically been living together. We've beeen sleeping in the same bed and getting along great. its almost like how we use to be except one thing. We dont really have a physical relationship. She kisses me only on the cheek and we dont hold hands. I remember clearly one night when Id woken up entangled with hayley. My hands had been.. well roaming in my sleep and I woke up to a very awake hayley. We looked at each other for a moment. I could see the dark shade her eyes had turned. How dialated they were but instead i just turned over trying to go back to sleep. This happened several more times and each time Id try to ignore the want building up in my lower stomach but to be honest I just couldnt ignore it. I was very attracted to hayley, I mean how could you not be. She was gorgeous. We'd go out and it'd take all my strength not to just oogle at her. One night after a concert we'd gone we were walking home. I had slipped my hand into hers because of how cold it was feeling her freezing fingers grasp mine. It felt nice. "Told you it was gonna be cold" I said pulling her slightly closer to me. "Yeah.. well... Im stupid" She said smirking as we made our way back home. I looked at her. She had squeezed into an pair of incredibly tight skinny jeans and her ass looked like it'd been carved by the Gods themself. I smirked. God I was sucha teenage boy sometimes. We stopped at a store to pick up some stuff we needed for the house. Id walked behind hayley as she pushed the cart. Her hips moving in a rthymic motion. I mean is it wrong to want your girlfriend? I didnt know If I was ready or if she was... I mean... I just... All thoughts were lost as she bent over to grab something she'd dropped. her shirt rode up slightly showing her lower back. My decision was clear. I walked over quickly grabbing her hand. "We need to go" i said "Okay. let me just check out" she said but I shook my head "Well get them later... Just.. just drop them and cmon" I said tugging at her a little harder. She frowned but left the basket. I nearly pulled her out the store and down the street her short legs trying hard to keep up. "Case. Is everything okay?" She asked as I got to my door my hands jumbling to unlock it. I finally got it open dragging Hayley inside with me. "Case" She said breathless as i shut the door and pushed her against it my mouth attacking hers reletntlessly. Lips against lips our hips pushed hard into each other. Taking each others breaths away. "Fuck" She breathed out when i finally allowed us both to breathe. We were breathing hard our bodies flush. Her hands had already become tangled in my hair and I had a tight grip on her hips. I looked in her eyes. She had a flash of fear appear but it was soon reliquished as she pulled me back down to her lips. It felt wrong at first. I know i was just being dramatic but it was like I could taste Chad on her lips. Instead i chose to bite it causing a yelp to come from hayley but she pushed on kissing me harder. I was relentless picking her up as we crashed against walls trying to make out way to my room. We got through the door. I closed it using hayley to push it shut her back ramming into the doorknob. Another soft moan of pain comes out as her head juts up and I begin my attack on her neck. She softly caresses my hair and I bite her neck, im positive leaving a trail of bruises and bite marks. It finally becomes clear to me we werent going to make love like we use to... this was going to be just fucking. Angry fucking at that. I feel my anger rise up as I look at her moving to her ear feeling my pent up anger finally coming out. Everything Id been hiding, repressing, to afraid to let go was finally coming out once and for all. "Did you think about him when you touched yourself?" I hissed in her ear holding her firmly against the wall. "Case" Hayley breathed out softly. Her voice pleading. She knew exactly where this was heading. She knew me well enough to know what was going to happen. "Did you think about him when you were with me? Kissing me?" I ask my voice hard and unrelenting I Dug my nails into her hips "Did you fucking think about him when you were Fucking me?" I said punctuating my words with sharp bites to hayleys lips and neck. I feel her shuddering against me but then I realize that Im so angry that I dont give a fuck. "Casey" she said softly beginning to sob. I pull back looking at her. "No... You dont get to cry Hayley. Your not allowed to fucking cry. You did this! You fucked us up! You dont get to sit there and act like your more hurt than I am!" I hissed at her Hayley twisted her wrists out of my grip swiped furiously at her eyes in an attempt to hide the incoming tears. I pushed her back towards the bed forcing her hands back towards the mattress. If we were going to do it it was going to be my way. At one point she tried to touch me but i stop her Growling "No"and instead bit her lip. Instead of her sweet lip gloss I tasted blood and I reveled in it.This was it. This was all the anger id felt over the time. All the hurt, the pain. The cheating. All of it, i pushed into this moment. And When i finally brought her over the edge the feeling was indescribable. I felt numb yet everything all at once. I felt the anger, all it flee from my being, as i felt my body collapse next to the woman beside me and sleep grabbed a hold of my tired body. ..........................

Sorry kept you guys waiting so long. its a bit lengthy. Hope you enjoy it :)