#openthought

I didn't know what it meant to wear your heart on your sleeve or anywhere but in your chest for that matter till I felt the vulnerability of showing my feelings toward someone that probably didn't feel the same way, or maybe they did but they were stuck on somebody else and couldn't see the way I felt. Showing feelings and opening up to someone, sharing your thoughts and ideas, connecting on an emotional level and touching souls is what wearing your heart on your sleeve really means, exposing your heart in it's entirety to someone who could easily drive a knife straight through with no remorse afterword. Expecting love but be willing to suffer for the mistake of showing it to the wrong person. Continuing to make mistakes and turn them into bad habits in the hopes of one day finding a change or something different. Wearing your heart on your sleeve means showing off the battle scars of previous love. Showcasing every healed hole, mended break, patched up knife wounds, and even those in the process of healing. But it's not about showing it off to everyone but saving it for the right one to see and not run away in fear or disregard it, but admire it and accept it for what it's been through. That's what it all means not just a saying but a meaning worth a thousand words.

At times when the world seems to be against me and the red colors return to my vision every civilized thought, every domesticated piece becomes feral, every moral, every bit of humanity left in my mind runs for dear life when my anger finally gets the best of me, escapes and brings with it the hell I put it in. At this point no mercy is given from the beast that now envelopes my mind and takes full control of my actions, actions that I have little control of, and the character of of a violent aggressive stranger creeps into the light to say hello to any poor soul caught in it's wrath. This stranger is the other personality, like the moon a face that never sees the sun, always in the darkness waiting for a chance to come into the light to unleash it's hate for it and anything it touches. Barbaric baser instincts are all that are considered, any thought of sympathy or regret or remorse are quickly torn to pieces by vicious ravanous nightmares that I can forget but can't kill. Savagery and horror are all that loom in the pit my mind becomes once it reaches that point.

My mind wanders in a million different thought clouds without a single clue as to where it's going. Love is a hell of a hallucinagetic drug that twists thoughts and strays the heart from reality guiding it to it's demise as the mind so desperately attempts to bring it back with no prevail. Hope, faith, and sorrow cease to exist if the heart wanders into the horror of the shade and into the pit from which nothing can escape.