#openletterformom

Hey, love! How are you? It has been four months since you left but it feels like it was just yesterday. It sucks to wake up every morning knowing that I’ll never get to see your beautiful face again. It hurts to sleep every night when all I can think about is you-you and me, so alive only in memories.

There are a lot of things I wanted to tell you but I was afraid. I was such a coward for letting my emotions get into my way of showing what I truly feel and expressing who I really am. So, let me be someone I should have been through this letter.

I want to apologize for everything. I am sorry if I wasn’t able to be by your side when you needed me the most. I am sorry for not being good enough and you don’t deserve me either. I am sorry if I wasn’t brave enough to choose what my heart really wants and it was you, it’s still you. I am sorry because I left you to chase my urban dreams. It sounds shit right now because I had all the time in the world but I let it slip through my hands. I could have done something that made you stay longer. And, I am so sorry about that.

I want to say thank you for everything.  Thank you for letting me chases my own dreams. Thank you for holding my hand when I’m all alone. Thank you for believing in me when no one else does. Thank you for being my rock when I feel like giving up. Thank you for showing me how beautiful the world can be. Thank you for making me believed in love. How I wish I could have said these words before the zigzag lines in the monitor turned into a flat. Too bad, I never have enough courage to do so.

Now, all I can do is wish upon the stars for the perfect time to be with you again. I am longing for your love. I am so sad to live my life without you. I just can’t help myself not to cry every night praying and hoping that you will be back. Before, I always imagine my future with you. You are the most important person in my life because you are my life. You are my brightest star, you are my love, you are my compass, you are my anchor, and you are my dream.

           If heaven could just have visiting hours, I would visit you every minute, love. You taught me everything, except how to live without you. I never thought that the person who made me the happiest would be the same person who would cause me so much pain. I don’t know how to dream again because I used to see my dreams in your eyes. You don’t know how I’m willing to give up everything for you. You deserve the universe and more, love. You truly are the epitome of perfection. I miss you more and more every day.

I love you so much, Mama and please be back.