#opal singer

How long did he want her to wait for? Maybe she should try to...run? With what? Did she have legs? She looked for them, and it looked like she did, but they felt like nothing. They weren't real anymore. That's nice, she doesn't need to think about legs anymore.

The blue soaks into her body from the puddle and comes back out. She watches it grow. It's pretty, and it glows a little, like a melted star. Is she full of stars? They must've melted inside her. She laughs and tries to touch the stars with her fingers, but the hand isn't listening to her right now.

Everything is dizzy and spinny. She doesn't want to be on the merry-go-round anymore. It's making her sick. She turns, and more stars leave her mouth. It hurts, stars hurt when they leave like that. The star puddle is cold. It feels good, she's too melty inside. Maybe the stars can help her up into the sky when they leave.

This must be how stars are born. They die and turn into rain bits. She liked cold rain, colder than the water cups in the kitchen. Then they come back out and have to fly away again. They'll want to take their mama with them. She didn't want to be a mama, but her stars make the meltedness in her hurt less, so it's ok. She can be their mama. The star puddle isn't flying away yet, maybe they're too scared.

"Iss...ok...t' fly." She could fly. When did she fly? Flying was fun, right? She was small, small babies flew away to neverland, someone said that once. Was she small enough to go to neverland? The stars could come with her. The stars will take her there. "T'nk you stars."

She's breathing for some reason. It rocks her head a little. It's nice, so she keeps doing that. There's a rocking chair in auntie's room that makes a little sound like a donkey. Auntie is dead now, like everyone else. She feels sad. Is anyone still alive, or is she all alone? They're waiting for her so the games can end and they can go home.

She tries to remember a name to give to auntie. It's not there. None of the names are there. Where did her name go? Someone lost their name in a forest. She lost her name there too and now she couldn't say her name or the forest girl's name. The only name that she could find was...

Phillip. That was a special name. It makes her head hurt less to think about. Phillip. Phillip is a special name that matters more than anything. Why is it so important? "Please...tell me..."

Phillip sat on the rocking chair with her. Phillip found crayons she could see. Phillip didn't laugh at her for not seeing anything but what the big people said was blue and yellow. Why wasn't everything blue now? Phillip was a special name. A forever name. He has her name and she has his. She hopes he brings her name back, she wants to see it again. He must miss his name too. He gave it to her, and now it's smudged and cracked. She got it all dirty when... when... She wasn't up here before, but where did she drop the name for it to get so messy?

Phillip would be mad she got his name dirty. He says it's ok when she drops her drawing in her food. Names are like drawings too. You make one and it's yours but you can give it to other people. Phillip drew lots of pictures with her. He doesn't draw anymore. Would he be mad?

She closes her eyes. The star puddle hasn't left yet... Phillip is a good name, it's an important name. Phillip said they'd get old together and go to Florida, his mom said that's where the old people go. Florida had alligators, those were cool. Maybe Phillip is in Florida waiting for her.

It feels good to close her eyes. It's good so she does it. The meltedness in her isn't as bad anymore, the stars are taking it out of her. They're so nice to her, it was too melty inside for her. It's good on her...what? Skin, that's what it is.

Phillip. It's important. He's important so important, where is he? She's shaking, and now the star puddle is too cold. It hurts! She tries to get away from the star puddle, they're mad at her because she didn't give them attention. That's what bad mamas get, pain for being bad. She's bad at being a mama, she doesn't want to be one at all.

"Help me..." She starts to cry. Why does it hurt? Her face is cold, and it's a bad feeling. It's so confusing, it's so dark, where did everything go? It hurts so much, he's back. He's come back and stabbed the knife in her eyes and it's dark forever he's going to stab her forever and she's in the dark now-

Something touches her arm. "You need to open those to get out of the dark." It's Phillip... he taps her eyes. She tries to open them, and it's hard to see anything. Her eyes hurt so much.

"Hi there." He's laying next to her on his chest, frowning at her. Phillip looks just like he does on the rocking chair.

"H-hi." She tries to focus on him.

"You got beat up again. I'm sorry I wasn't able to fight off Glen this time, I thought he was grounded." Phillip looks over her at something far away. "...that's not true, is it? That happened a long time ago, Opal. That's not why you're crying. You got hurt really badly today." Opal...that was her name...right?

Opal, the name still didn't feel right, reaches for him. He was important, but something was still missing. Why was Phillip so important? "It hurts..."

Phillip takes her hand and pulls her up to lean on the entrance to the roof. "It's all done now, no more make believe. Now we can go home and play something else."

"What do you mean?" Opal pulls away from him and falls back on the floor. Something is wrong. Something is bad. "What’s make believe?" The words feel familiar but they don't belong. "No, no it's wrong."

Phillip stares at her with disappointment. "Why can't you just play along? Why can't you just accept this? Look at me. I'm here! I'm perfect looking, isn't that enough for you? Why isn't this good enough to just go along with?"

Opal chokes and coughs, more blood pouring out of her mouth before she could ask him what's going on. Phillip growls and hits his open palm into her chest and makes her cough even harder. "Stop!"

"All you had to do was say ok! That's why you always got hurt! You can't just accept it, can you? You always need to know more, and it hurts everyone else! You couldn't just be happy with your eyes. You couldn't just be happy being Pokotho's special girl. You couldn't just be happy with your body and you made a mess of everything! It's all your fault! You know it is!"

Opal sobs and curls away from him. "I don't understand, what are you saying?"

Phillip rolls his eyes and stomps on her knife broken arm. "You're the worst friend in the world, Opal. Why do you get to fade away in a friendly happy little daze and I had to die that day in the battle? Why did you get to live? Why did you get to leave and do all those wonderful things when you don't even care enough to stay put? It's stupid! I hate you, I hate you because you got everything you wanted and I didn't get anything. You're the worst."

Phillip turns and stomps away. "What did I- why- wait..." Opal cries and curls into a ball. Her arms are too big, and her legs are too big and she's all alone. Opal is alone and Opal will always be alone. Opal doesn't deserve Phillip. Opal is useless.

The time ticks by, Opal and she wishes it would tick away and take her already. Opal is tired and in pain and hates all of this. Opal hates John for doing this to her. Opal hates everyone who left her like this and never stopped to ask her what Opal wanted. No one cared about her enough to think about her as anything but a servant. Or a cute pet to play mommy with. Opal hates life and every last bit of it because it only ever led her to more and more pain until she finally got here, and now Opal could finally lay down and die and leave this awful world behind. Opal can see it all and curse it for being there. Opal is tired. Opal gives up on it all and closes herself off from anything and everything forever. Opal is dying. Opal is dead.

............................

She opens her eyes and tries to find warmth. She watches her tears fall onto the floor and they sparkle at her kindly. She's sad to see them fade.

Through her arms, she sees something move in a stuttery, slow crawl. It pushes and wiggles itself into view. He tilts his head towards her and a sleepy eye meets hers. "I'm...late, but I'm here."

It's the voice, the good voice that makes her think of nice things like the flower around his neck. A flower she knows. "Are you..."

"I think so." He doesn't have much of a mouth to smile with, but he uses what there is to try. He rolls closer to her. "You are too."

She looks at him. "Do you want them?"

He nods. "Can I?"

She shakily opens her bag. Inside, in a shaped lining are his arms.

One is cleanly cut by Pokey without her permission, the other ripped and torn free. She pulls out the clean one first and he pushes himself up on the arm. Holding the second, she threads her hand through its fingers and he takes it back and squeezes her hand back.

Most of his face is gone, and the metal shards in the exposed bones of his skull poke out like spikes. "I missed you." He says. "You haven't visited in a while, but that's ok."

She leans on his arm. "I...broke it." Something broke that meant everything to her. What was it? Something tumbled out of her chest and lay between them. It was shattered. She had broken his candy heart. "I-I'm so sorry..." She starts to cry harder, shoulders shaking.

He hugs her close, and his flower brushes her neck. "You kept it, and that's what matters. I kept your flower, and now we're back together again." He doesn't breathe, but he's warm. "We can make new ones."

She leans against him and he helps her rest against the door downstairs. He curls up with her and looks at the stars in the sky. He's stained with the same thing she is. He's warm, and she's not, so she pulls him closer. He tries to smile again and holds her hand. "Where?"

"Up in the sky, we were gonna go together." He rests his head on top of hers. "We can always whether the weather~." He sings a bit of the tune she knows deep in her core.

"That's what keeps us together..." She sings it back. It's right. It's the song she wants and it's the song that is him. It's the song that is her.

His voice is the good one that she sings with all the time. Everyday they sing together. Everyday is better with him. "Candy hearts and paper flowers, sunset skies, with hundred' hues."

Rhymes and songs we sang, for hours. Words to say I'll love you true.

Times get bad, and then I worry! How I'll ever see it through... but our candy hearts and paper flowers, will always keep me close to you.

Will always keep me close to you!

He sings softer now, and his hands are in hers the way she wishes they were more. He hugs her arm the way that she hugs his when they aren't in the bag.

I'm sorry for breaking your promise, can you even still look at me?

I told you once and now again friend, we'll make a new one so let it be.

But is it hurtful to be with me? When I was so bad to you.

Hey, now, this candy heart is still a-loving, and that love is forever true.

She cries and changes the song, trying to meet him in the connection and joy of sharing music together.

I, missed you and I love you so much, I, wanted to grow you a bunch...of paper flowers so you could be joyful and such, I love you too.

Long days in a rut that was us, happy campers but the reasons turned to mush, so now on the edge of the pain ending rush! I'll hold you close.

They sing together, whatever things they want to say, all coming through in rhyme and lyric until she...starts to lose track of her words. They aren't making sense anymore. He finishes the song, and she tries her best to keep up.

We can, do anything now just come and, hold me close and then, we'll fly! Fly up in the beyond! You and me! Joyful and finally free, as the sunrise, blinds both of our eyes!

Candy, papers will wrap up the candy, flowers and hearts go side by side, and they're bound all their lives.

All their lives...

So now we, paper and candy go swiftly, hurry and run for the starlight! Run to the ground, below~.

For now that we can be eternally,

reunited, let's go live our lives!

We're united...let's go live our lives~

He smiles and takes her by the hand, the other rest on her cheek over the cut in her mouth. "It's time to go."

She closes her eyes and a small spark lights in her mind. Those words meant something a long time ago...

"Mmaaaamaaaaaaaa gooooo!"

A lady in white puts away her phone and looks at her lovingly. "Ok baby! Are you ready for the super duper tough workout?"

"Ya!!"

She gets on the lady's shoulders and she buckles and dramatically wobbles around. "Wooahhhhh I can't stay up! It's too tough a workout! Nooo, I'm gonna fall!"

"No! No no fall!"

The lady makes effort noises and puts her down on the table. "Phewwww, maybe we should just stay home today, I'm pooped." She grins.

"Noooooo! Candy!"

"Hmmm? What's wrong? Ohh I said we would go get some candy after going to the big gym! WelI I guess I have to then!" She laughs and takes her hand. "Alright. Time to go, kiddo!"

He waits for her and looks at the sky. "Are you ready?"

She shakes her head. "There's...more...need the lady first..."

He nods. "Ok, how do I get her?"

"Gotta...be alone looking..."

"I'll be right here waiting, ok? We're gonna make a new candy heart for you, and a new paper flower for me! Right?"

"Mmmmmmm...yeah, wait for me."

He kisses her forehead and hugs her arm tightly. "I did before, and I always will. Cuz I love you." His only leg is bent to go over some of her legs.

"Love you too...friends in...in..." She's so dizzy, and the stars are twinkling around her like little fairies.

"Friends in every weather, friends always together, friends until the very end of time!" He recites it better than she can. He drags himself out of her sight and she lays on her arms. She can't see anything anymore and her head is quiet.

It's a nice quiet. She can't go without the lady and tries really really hard to be loud. It takes all her power to do it. "Lady in white! I'm- I'm ready to go! I'm...ready to go White lady...go...up..." She smiles and closes her eyes.

It's time to go.

She didn't need a heartbeat or a heart or anything like her master had. Porcelain skin with a few cracks she'd gotten from her many shows, but he always mended them, so it was only some lines. She was very good at her job as the cutest dolly in the show. She always brought the audience to whatever emotion he wanted her to evoke. She'd played a thousand roles, from the comic relief to the heartbroken mother. She knew all of her names, all of her lines, and all of his directions. Tonight was a change, because he didn't tell her what her role was, but that wasn't something to question. She never questioned him about silly things like decision making, because those things weren't for dollies to think about.

It was time for her outfit. She asked once, why he put on her makeup before she got dressed. He explained that if she wanted to pass for a human, she needed to see herself as such before she finished their dress up game for the night. She wouldn't feel human if she couldn't look the part. She didn't argue with him, because he was in charge and he knew everything. Pokotho was a very good master, because he knew everything she needed to make the crowds love her. He knew just what to have her say and play. He was very good at their dress up game.

The best. That's what he was, the best of the best! She had to make him proud, otherwise what would she do? A dolly was useless without someone to play with them. She didn't want to be a broken toy like he told her about. They were worse than humans. Broken dollies sat on the floor, and they never got played with. She wanted to be loved and played with, didn't she? Of course she did. So she was happy to play all his games.

Through the mirror she watched him work. He was far bigger than her, but he made himself dolly sized to be nice to her. He pulled outfits from the closet, took pieces of them with pretty magic, and the parts he didn't need dissapeared. He didn't keep things that didn't work. He always made a brand new outfit for her, and he was the best at dress up.

Of course he was good at it, he looked so wonderful! They would match tonight, because he matched with the dolly that he chose for the show. He didn't choose her every night, but she couldn't remember those nights. If he wasn't playing with her, she wasn't alive. Dollies were only alive when his imagination was bringing them to life. On those nights he told her the other dollies helped her get ready. She believed him, because there was no other option. She didn't need one! She was happy because he was happy with her.

Pokotho was always the best dressed there was, but tonight he looked very extra nice! A long, dark blue, velvet shall and a royal, and royal blue corset shirt. It had thousands of little gems sewn into the shirt, so whenever he moved it was like looking at stars in the sky. Stars were what they were! She got distracted watching him work. That too was common in their games, because how could she not be swept up in his work? He made her after all, so watching him make other things was a glimpse into her life. His strong dark hands would send needles and thread through the air like little missiles as they sewed together her costume for tonight.

Beautiful and perfect.

He had his own mask on, the piercing pure white with all the silvery cracks and the blue glow coming from the eye holes stood in contrast to all the work put into making her look alive. He wanted to look inhuman, he was the master of the stage. He didn't look like a human because he was better than they were. Humans made good audiences, but terrible for anything else. She didn't mind looking like them, but she knew she would never have to really be one of them. He wasn't cruel enough to make her become something so purposeless. The idea made her upset, but that wasn't the emotion for dress up games, so she touched her little rock and the feeling went away. It was always there to take away her feelings and give her the right ones.

She watched through the mirror, and he knew she was, so he put on a show for her. The magic he flowed with exploded out of him, and sparkles and pretty lights blinded her from her place at the mirror. She watched in awe and her wonderful outfit came together. She stood up and turned to face him so he could put it onto her. It always fit perfectly.

"You are exactly what I wanted Opalescence. Look at yourself clearly, you will be perfect tonight." His voice always made her happy. It was the music that surrounded her at all times in spoken form!

Opal grinned and twirled around a few times, his hand holding hers so she could continue to spin without falling. Glitter flowed around her and fell into place on her skin colored gloves, giving her a sheen that identified her as otherworldly, like he was. "Thank you master! I'll be the shining star you've made me to be!"

"Yes, you will." He picked her up and put her back on her stand in front of the mirror, adjusting her arms to pose properly so she could see herself in full glory. Her dress was a multilayered masterpiece of work, with folds and fabric textures that all mixed into what she could only describe as a shooting star in dress form. They matched, with the same royal blue of his corset matching the main body of her dress. Starlight and magic. Beautiful, just like they were. She looked at her skin colored gloves, meant to make her look alive. They did! Her black dolly shoes were bright and shiny!

She grinned in the mirror and at him. They both were proud of her, and that was the best feeling in the world! It meant she was doing a very good job. She was very good.

"Come along now, it's time for the show."

"What is my character tonight? I don't know my lines yet or my name."

"You will know when we reach the stage Opalescence."

"Ok!"

The stage, her favorite place! Tonight the set was of a different planet, and space rocks littered the stage. She gained her role as she stepped onto the stage. She was the human princess Ester, and this scene was her battle with the evil human Tritien to save her new alien friends. She looked ahead and found the villain.

No. No that wasn't Tritien. That was Phillip, her dolly friend. No her human friend. A human friend? What was going on-

"Ester, what are you doing?" Pokotho put a hand on her back, and it sent her lines into her mind like warm water. "You need to follow your script."

"Of course master, I'm sorry." She looked at Tritien and pulled a long sword from the folds of her dress. "You will never destroy our bond! We will always win when it comes to the matters of love!"

"You love me! And only me!" Tritien cried, lunging forwards at her. She dodged to the left and he followed the choreography of their battle.

"I never loved you! I never will!" Ester cried, stabbing his hand. Blood came out. Red blood. Real blood. Opal froze onstage. Never loved? Phillip wasn't in love with her, and she loved him the way he loved her. Why was he bleeding? Why was that human blood? "I- Phillip what are you doing here?"

Pokotho took her by the shoulders and walked her to her place. "You're not saying your lines, Ester. You don't want to disappoint everyone, do you? The show must continue, and you have a duty to fulfill." Yes, she had a role to play. This didn't matter, and anything that happened would be undone by the end. This was a show. It was all a game they played.

Phillip held his hand in pain, but Ester knew that Tritien was tricking her, and the fight resumed. Blood spilled over the stage, bathing them both in red. Red, the color that was messing up her dress. Red was the color of humanity, blue was the color of life. Red meant this was more than a game. This wasn't a game. He's dying.

Opal is Killing him.

She dropped the sword and ran to hold him in her arms, shouting every apology she could think of in every language she had in her mind. Phillip was fading fast, and his skin was cold. He was dying and it was her fault. She stabbed and sliced and cut him apart and now he was dying. He couldn't even speak to her anymore.

Her master exploded in anger. "OPALESCENCE YOU ARE NOT FOLLOWING YOUR ORDERS." He lifted her into the air with one hand and his body grew and grew into the huge man he was. Her arm was pulled free of her body and fell back to the stage.

CRACK!

The porcelain of her skin splintered in agonizing pieces. Opal looked at herself, her dressed was covered in blood. Parts of her had caved in, so now her perfect fitting dress was slumping in places and jutting out in others. She was being broken. Opal looked up at her master and saw the form of a God.

Phillip hung above her, gripped in one of the liquid blue tendrils coming from under Pokotho's shall. His body was pulled apart above her and blood poured down onto her body. Phillip was covering her. Opal couldn't scream anymore.

She was a broken dolly, and if no one played with her, she couldn't move. She lay on the stage as the audience erupted into applause. She hadn't followed the script. This was her fault. If she had played along they both would be ok right now. He was angry with her, and she had ruined the show.

"You are done, Opalescence. You can rot in the ground with your human friend, if you wish to be one so badly." Phillip's body fell on top of her, and it hurt so much. They were left there alone. They would die here together. Phillip had died alone in the air, she would die alone on the stage with him on her broken body.

She was sorry she ever tried to defy her master.

------

Opal twisted in her hammock and ended up on the floor. The shock of falling sent phantom pain through every scar and every nerve in her body. She curled into a ball, sobbing as she clutched Borangefly tightly. "I didn't kill him, I didn't kill him, I didn't kill him."

The memories of his actual death came into view, and she cried even harder. The house was empty. She was empty. She couldn't feel anyone in the hive anymore, and she had no one to turn to. Lonely and alone. She would die all alone tonight and no one would find her for who knew how long. She didn't want to die, she wanted to live more than anything.

She pushed herself to her knees and prayed for help. Anyone's help.

No one came for her.

She was alone. What's the point of freedom with no one to share it with? She needed more to drink but she was too tired to go back to the party. She lay on the floor face down and waited for sleep to take her again. It was so painful to be alone. Shiney had taken her out of the hive, but in the empty house, this moment was worse. Borangefly was there with her though...that was something. She hugged him close and reached for her bag. She hugged it too.