This week has been a doozy. But, again, I am fine, just had a particularly bad episode that I am now recovering from. WARNING: I AM GOING TO GET HONEST ALL UP IN HERE Panic attacks are not easy to talk about. At all. So often, the response is either "What are you so scared of?" or "Oh, you just had a moment of panic, we all do, you're fine." No, here's what's happening inside my head when I have panic attacks: my brain, which has wacky wiring and poorly regulated chemicals the likes of which the FDA would be appalled by, actually convinces me that I am dying. Like, literally. I am dying. And I really really really don't want to die. So, of course, I panic. But then I don't die. But then my brain still thinks I'm dying. And it turns into a horror movie feedback loop that is really really difficult to stop. Because it isn't a stomachache or the flu - this is my own brain, actively using my own thoughts and feelings against me. And it is really freaking hard to fight your own brain. You're trying to think rational, calm thoughts to balance out the distorted, delusional ones, but then they all start bleeding together and it's so hard to separate fear from reality. I've learned, through years of therapy, medication, and personal reflection, how to manage my poor monster brain, and most of the time it's fine. Still very anxious, but not out of control. But sometimes, I get really stressed out, big changes come and disrupt things, and all the fear I've been carefully sidestepping suddenly gets a lot bigger and harder to miss, and then it all suddenly avalanches at the slightest, most ridiculous trigger. So then I panic. And then we're here, three days later, with me very awkwardly but frankly talking about it. Man, it feels great. At any rate, I'm gonna be back with more Phantom soon - like, tomorrow! I am very excited to keep going with the story. And I'm also very excited to be able to sleep again. Life is amazing. No irony. #cartoon #comics #mentalillness #mentalhealth #oopsanothermentalillnessrant #anxiety #panicattack #sickness #andhealth #love #drawing #sketchbook https://www.instagram.com/p/BwGSNPTFGfV/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1rv2ysq0ngoqq
