#ooofff

The first pic, that look! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

(i’m so annoyed i wrote a really long detailed answer for this and then stupid tumblr mobile got rid of it so lemme try again)

i think that after the trial andrew and aaron’s relationship changes for the worse, for a while, until both of them are in a place to make it better.

aaron disappears for a while after the trial - he goes away with katelyn, maybe staying with her parents or in some hotel in a state far away from south carolina. they spend some refreshing time together without the crushing weight of the trial haunting their every second. he cries a lot, that week or two, every now and again hit with the relief of freedom and the guilt of knowing he did kill someone, at the end of the day. he may not be guilty, he may be free, but a man died by his hand. it’s so fresh as well, everything having been recounted over the past week and a bit. but it’s the first thing they do when he gets home after they receive his not guilty judgement; they leave, and he doesn’t talk to anyone other than her for however long they go for.

before that, during the trial, aaron breaks down after andrew’s testimony. he knew it would be hard but hearing it out loud, so detailed, so monotone. andrew doesn’t fuck around with the lawyers. he says it like it is, he states the facts. aaron was expecting him to be a nightmare on the stand, but no, he’s perfect, he’s telling them everything, oh god he’s telling them everything. it destroys aaron. he’s wrecked with guilt, thinking about how much andrew has done for him in his life, how little he feels he’s given him in return. and he can’t stop thinking about everything all at once; remember the way andrew sleeps? with his back to the wall and a knife under his pillow? how he can’t stand those certain words, how he can’t be touched? how he was when you met him for that first time? how he was when you started living together?

it reframes his entire relationship with andrew, his entire view of him as a person, and it kills him to think about how his brother actually went through this. he’s not lying because he thinks it’s funny, he’s telling the truth. after andrew testifies, until the end of the trial, aaron is a numb emotionless mess. every second of his days are spent thinking about andrew andrew andrew. the guilt he feels over causing this, causing andrew to talk about his past, the past he kept well hidden for an obviously good reason. he can’t look andrew in the eye, not because he necessarily views him differently, but because it hurts him so badly to remember the words that left his lips on the stand.

andrew is the same, in some ways. he already isolated himself for a week before the trial, staying in wymack’s place, not talking to anyone for fear the sickening feeling in his stomach would escape. he takes to the stand, and he’s shaking, but he can’t look at anyone other than the lawyer. he can’t look at aaron, who sits with his mouth ajar beneath a hand that covers it in shock. he can’t look at neil, on the right side of the room, trying his hardest not to react to the excruciating details. he can’t look at cass, on the left side of the room, her husbands hands intertwined in hers, a tissue in her free hand blotting the leaky eyes she’s had since day one. he can’t look at the jury, judging him for his criminal record, for his mental health, for his sexuality and his past.

when he leaves, he doesn’t even talk to neil. he gets in his car, he drops them all off at fox tower, and he immediately drives to reddin. he doesn’t say anything to betsy, either, but he sits next to the window in her office and smokes his way through a packet of cigarettes for an hour or two before he’s able to bring himself to leave. he still goes to the rest of the trial for aaron’s sake, but every time he hears a whimper from cass on the other side of the room, he feels sick. everytime he hears drakes name, he hears the lawyers trying to pin a murder charge on his brother, it twists him up inside. he has as much anxiety about the verdict as aaron does. he feels guilty about what he has caused, too, fearing aaron going to prison because he was protecting him. because he killed the man andrew had been dreaming of killing for years.

the trial ends, and andrew stays with wymack for another few days until he’s ready to return, and he speaks to betsy in some manner every day for a week or two, whether it be via a phone call or an emergency session.

when aaron comes back, they avoid each other unintentionally. mostly unintentionally, anyway, but neither have anything to say. there’s no words that’ll be enough. aaron cancels their next few sessions with bee, and andrew doesn’t seek him out at all. i think for a while after the trial neither of them can stomach looking the other in the eye, and it’s not just because of andrew’s testimony, either, it’s everything altogether that causes this terrible drift they’d been working hard to repair.