#ooladiary

I’ve almost begun to wonder if you were my conscience this whole time. Guiding me, watching over, wishing me well. How cruel it is that so much of what I’ve been missing has been with me all along. All that overthinking of all this time, was that just me? And now that you’re gone, I’m left with this strange and bitter sense of emptiness. It has been so long since it has been just me. When we said goodbye, it was better than the reality I could’ve wished for. Like a horrible muted dream was finally being woken from. Colors seemed brighter, vision seemed clearer. It was bittersweet in its beauty, and having the opportunity was more than I could’ve hoped for. A large feeling of love and warmth. Being proud of me. Being angry for me. Being sad for me. Happy for me. Happy for them.   But it also caused questions, as I could easily tell that in the crowd of which faces were missing. I cannot think of it. It will break my heart to search for an answer to that. Of what happened to them. Of what they possibly did. Or how I failed to save them. How I will possibly never know.

I can’t help but choke to the feeling of possibly failing them. Betraying by releasing them from one prison to banishing them to another. But, at least this way I know they’re safe. I can trust him. However, in this way I’ve separated Opsola from Dask. . .forever. Part of me wants to believe that there’s a way to reunite them, but that is just dreaming. I can’t put stock in that.