I want to give in, but my body fights it to no end
Falling asleep for me feels like trying everything you can to not fall asleep during an important class or while watching over someone, but instead of just falling asleep it's slipping into death. I want to give in, but my body fights it to no end. Why? Why do you suffer to stay alive? What purpose have you for this? Why not pass onto endless slumber and be rid of all feeling, memory, and purpose itself. Reality demands to be made known, like weeds seeping through the concrete. Always having known something, we fear the thought of 'nothing'. We can't even imagine nothing. Always having experienced something there is no way to even conjure the idea of complete nothingness. Yet, with no needs, there would be no reason to fill them. With no dark, there would be no reason for light. With no evil, there would be no reason for good. With no Hell, there would be no reason for Heaven. Now 'nothing' seems like a myth. If there is something now, could there have ever been nothing? If God is a being that i cant even grasp, is God this 'nothing' i'm searching for? or the opposite(everything). Does that make 'nothing' bad and God good? Is 'nothing' the absence of God? This train that drives my thoughts must find a destination. To let the coals die out in the engine is unacceptable. But was i doomed from the start? Regardless of what i have and who i am, i was never enough to know the whole truth. I had to accept that there were things i could never know. But no matter how hard i try to give in, my body fights it to no end. Am i the only one controlling my body?
