#onemoreyear

and I live to weild my sword another day

I still believe you deserve letters so here I am writing your 4th or 5th letter. This one will be a digital letter sadly. Be ready because I will be writing you a million letters or however many letters until the we die. I will be honest, direct, reassure you, acknowledge your feelings and communicate about my feelings even if I might feel embarrassed after. I promised that I will work and put extra effort on our friendship so we can have a stable healthy friendship. I'm definitely willing to work on our communication. I know communicating can be frustrating and exhausting as it can be hard to communicate sometimes but at least trying your best to communicate can make a difference and we're trying. Effort makes everything and it can be reassuring in a way. I apologize for not responding for a few days. I didn't want to let a week pass by so I was planning to text you back today after class which crazy thing you texted me when I was thinking about you. I was feeling way too emotional the past few days and didn't have the greatest emotion stability so I'm sorry for being selfish and not seeing your side of your perspective, and not respecting your boundaries. I feel foolish and angry at myself for being selfish as fuck and just thinking about myself in the moment which is really fucked up. Also, I felt blameful for making you feel that I haven't been so considerate about your feelings/what you go through and not respecting your boundaries which I have a hard time blaming myself for everything and I can be easily influenced by it. As I self-reflected, I realized with anxiety I feel guilty and responsible for everything and everyone especially other's emotions. I need to learn more self-control and make sure to be alone for a few days whenever I see I'm having a hard time controlling my emotions. I don't want to jeopardize any of my relationships with people because I'm having a hard time feeling too much. I'm feeling much better now and have regained my emotion stability back. I hope you are feeling much better now babes and your days have been full of self- love and self-care. I'm really glad you have been prioritizing yourself. I've realized it really is important to give yourself some time for yourself and it was hard for me to see it that way at that time. I'm sorry you felt overwhelmed and triggered the day I dropped of the soup at rom's house. I know you communicated with me but maybe if you would've been a little more communicative and direct I would've understood. In my head, I thought I was doing a good thing( it is a good thing I was trying to be supportive from far away) but you weren't asking for that in the moment. I started to think about how we both show love and support to each other differently. I started to think about how if you would've brought me soup I wouldn't have hesitated even if I was feeling really low I would've went outside and got the soup. I mean we do have different love languages. I realized the things I do for you to show you how much I love you and I'm there to support you I show it by actions so that's why I wouldn't mind if you do actions wise things for me. So I need to learn your love languages so I can be a better support and show you I love you. I have a hard time with words so it can be hard for me to get adjusted to that as I realized I do things for you by doing so and you do things for me by saying so. Maybe I love you too much to the point where I feel like I would never put boundaries with you, and no matter where I am or what I'm doing or no matter how I'm feeling I will be there 24/7 for you , and I will always answer your phone calls whenever you call me. I do understand K you have boundaries and limits and I need to respect it 100% because however you're feeling and whatever you think is best for you in the moment is valid. It is always valid.