#oneanddone

“Oooooh look who’s finally decided to grace us with her presence,” Clint teased the moment you walked into the communal kitchen. You rolled your eyes, as you placed your plastic container in the trash and your spoon in the dishwasher, but didn’t engage.

“Cat got your tongue, y/n?” Sam asked from the dining table.

You shook your head, as you picked up the bag next to counter. “What’s that?” Steve inquired in a Captain like tone.

“I’m … uhhh… taking a sabbatical,” you swallowed your uneasiness of the situation, swallowed the apprehension. You hadn’t been expecting everyone at breakfast. You had hoped for minimal or no contact with the team before you left. “Taking some time away.”

There was a choruses of whats and you shook your head, shouldering the bag. “Need some air,” you explained, eyes falling on the team. Most looked confused though Nat looked angry, Wanda looked hurt, Bucky… You didn’t linger on him, as you readjusted the bag. “Fury knows how to get in contact with me if it’s DEFCON 1.”

“Y/n….” Nat began.

“Need wide open spaces. Need to be able to get lost in wide open spaces. It’ll be fine,” you assured. “It’s just a break. I’m not quitting. Just need some time.”

Wanda pushed her chair back, rushing to you and you enveloped her in a hug. “Don’t go,” she whispered. You kissed her temple, holding her tightly. “You’ll be fine. But you say the word and I’m home, promise,” you consoled.

She nodded against your collarbone. “Be safe.”

“Where I’m going, only worries I have is cacti and rattlesnakes.”

You stepped back and she let go, but you could see the tears in her eyes. She was reluctant to leave you. You smiled softly, before looking at Nat, arching an eyebrow. “I don’t like this,” she confessed.

“Didn’t expect you to like it,” you replied, as she moved towards you.

“Where are you going?” she inquired, standing before you.

“Where’s there wide open spaces and nature is my only peril.”

“That could be anywhere. Desert takes up a third of the Earth,” she recounted.

You shook your head and enveloped her in a hug. “I’ll be fine,” you reassured her.

“I don’t like it,” she repeated.

You chuckled, “I’ll check in, I promise. Part of the deal with Fury.” You stepped back, taking in the rest with a nod. You adjusted the backpack again, eyes landing on Bucky. He looked like he had words on the tip of his tongue, looked like a man about to confess his deepest, darkest sins to a preacher.

“Come on, Tex,” Tony called from the door way.

You nodded, breaking eye contact with the former assassin. “Bye guys,” you said, walking towards Tony.

You didn’t look back. If you did, you’d see too much heartbreak and you’d stay, so you kept your head forward, kept it high. You needed this. You needed wide open spaces.

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The dirt beneath your feet crunched with every step, the crest steep as you ran. You were surrounded by beige and green. There were hills and mountains ahead of you. Cliffs for you to climb and canyons to run through.

Sweat dripped from your brow, the winter sun strong and blazing despite it being February. Your muscles ached and yet you felt alive for the first time in months. You could feel your blood pump through your veins; you heard your harsh breath in your ears. You put one foot in front of the other in a rhythmic pattern that was comforting.

You had long memorized Old Maverick Road long ago. Memorized it on your winter breaks when visiting your grandparents. Memorized it again on breaks from the Army. The mountains, the canyons, the wide open spaces where you could see for miles, where you’d be the only one for miles and miles. It was you and what some called God’s country. It was your constant when life threw you a curveball and boy was Bucky, a curveball. One that you had been avoiding for weeks. One that you didn’t know what to deal with.

So you ran wide open spaces, searching for solace and solution.

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“Come on, doll,” he encouraged next to you. “Talk to me.”

“I am talking to you,” you responded, leaning against the brick wall in your floral bikini and your white cover-up. “This is me talking, Buck.”

He shook his head in mild frustration. “You know what I’m talking about.” You hummed. His metal hand gently swiped the flesh of your cheek. You closed your eyes at the softness and the feeling of butterflies in your stomach. “You’ve stepped away from everyone.”

“Buck…” you began, crossing your arms over your chest. “It’s fine.”

“Don’t lie to me, doll. Not me,” he begged, eyes tender. “We maybe doing this covert thing, where no one knows we are, what we are but that doesn’t mean I don’t take notice. You’re running and I wanna know why.”

“I’m here, aren’t I?” you argued, eyes flashing with hurt and anger. “I snuck off with you in front of all our friends.”

He wiped a hand over his face in frustration. “It’s the first time in a week that I could convince you to sneak away,” he disputed, hands going to your waist, looking you straight in the eyes. “What did I do?”

“You didn’t do anything.”

“Do you run from everything, then?” he asked.

“That’s not fair!” you exclaimed, pushing his chest but he wouldn’t budge. He stood strong in front of you, blue eyes full of hurt and confusion.

“All I said is that I’d like to make us known and I don’t hear from you for a week.”

“That’s not….”

“Don’t!” he hissed. “You avoided me until this party.”

His eyes searched yours trying to find the answer to why you had been dodging him. Why you had ghosted him, a term Peter had taught him. “What’s so bad about us being public, huh?” he questioned, hands gripping you tightly. “Are you embarrassed to be dating the Winter Soldier? Is that it? Worried about what they will say?”  

“You know that’s not it!” you denied. “You know, I love you!”

His blue eyes went wide at your admission before his lips crashed with yours. It was desperate and yet sentimental, as if he was pouring everything into that kiss. Your teeth clashed with his, tongues dueled and he pushed you into the wall. “Baby doll,” he whispered against your lips. “Sweetheart.”

You hissed as the brick cut into your back. “I’m sorry,” he muttered against your skin, as he picked you up, taking you inside. “I’m sorry, doll.”

He took you to his apartment and memorized every inch of you. He committed to memory every gasp, every moan, the look of you cumming around him. And in the morning you were gone.