#onderon

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AAAAAAAHHHHH

it's easier if he stares at his own two feet and doesn't engage with the xenophobia as an oppressive system-level cage. it's easier if he keeps his head down and follows orders and doesn't think about the autonomy they strip-mine from entire populations and societies, like balmorra. it's easier if all he cares about is his own lonely life, just trying to get through the next battle, the next assignment, the end of the day.

and he hates being an animal in a cage. he hates the way they look at him like he is one. the entitlement of the system that allows half of them to do it. and he hates that when they - inevitably - get a reaction out of him, it only serves to look like he's proving them right. because there's only so much pressure he can tolerate from the boot against his throat.

this thought brought to you by onderon's crisis of ruling royalty, nobility supposedly running day-to-day activities, a republic senator, and a group that claims to support old ways before any greater galactic power arrived at their doorstep. and that maybe, nik would see all of that, and, again... he's so sick and tired of it.

it's a lonely life, pretending one does not care. and he can't help but...

but it sure as hell isn't about the republic. it's about making those imperial bastards choke on their hells-damned pride for once. it's about wrestling for that choice with bared teeth and bloodied lips in the dirt and muck. as long as you don't care too much about his reasons, he'll play your little games, balkar. keeper was aware of this. keeper did not ask him to overstay his instincts.

and nik will still play both sides. because for better or worse, he's still so... alone. and there's only so much pressure - from the boot, from mortality's own swinging blade - that he can bear to risk.