#once--more

Hi hun,

You sound really frustrated, understandably so! Honestly to me, it sounds like it might be time for a different barn. You're not moving forward, and you're not even wanting to do this anymore, and if this barn/this horse is making you feel this way, it may be time for a change.

You could always try talking to your instructor first, if you'd prefer to try to ride where you are. Let them know how you're feeling about this and ask if there's any other horse you can ride, or if you can work on fixing these things so that the horse is more enjoyable to ride. If that doesn't work, I would visit some nearby barns and ask to take a trial lesson at any barn you think you might be interested in.

It's also possible that the horse could be feeling just as burnt out on things as you are. If you're allowed to/able to do so, it might help to just take some hacks/fun-rides with your lesson horse. Taking a step back from training to just focus on relaxing and having a little fun can sometimes make a world of difference in a horse's attitude or your approach to them. 

If all else fails, there's nothing wrong with taking a break. Sometimes you really need to step back from things, and that's okay. Some people might look down on a decision to take a break (or, if you go that route, even to quit), but honestly it's all your choice -- and you should make the choice that's best for you. You're the one living your life, not them.

I wish you to best of luck, and I hope you find a solution that helps you!

Hi! 

So first question, I don’t know what bits you are switching between but some horses just have their favorites. If she is hanging or bracing on the soft bit, the mouthpiece or the type may not be one for her. But I might be able to help a bit more if I knew what you previously rode in and what you switched to! I tend to ride mine in just a french link egg butt snaffle. Very soft, but they don’t brace on it too much! What you’re going through on the flat is pretty standard, I’ve been coming out of the “at the bit but not connected” thing myself! You need to do a lot of breaking her up and asking her to sit back, instead of letting her go low and hang, you need to be able to take a bit of a feel, and give half halts when she goes to brace. She’s allowed to take a feel and give you contact, but make sure you’re consistently half halting and asking her to rebalance herself. 

I would start out with loose contact, but not a super long rein, and push her forward and let her loosen up. Then I would start to add circles, bending, leg yields, direction changes, things that keep her body laterally soft. She’ll start to connect and then she’ll start to give you contact. Don’t necessarily wait for contact first! The connection will come naturally as you teach her to use her haunches and balance herself. 

For your second question I think you need to take a step back from the 3’ jumps. There is no doubt you guys can do it, but part of why you may be feeling less confident is because you don’t have it all the way together on the flat. Once you get her more connected and steady on the flat, you will have a higher quality canter, more uphill and balanced, and you will be amazed at what that does for your confidence coming up to a fence! The refusals might not all be your nerves, but the holes you feel in your training on the flat. The fact that you feel it and know that it’s there is excellent, so as you fix it you will feel better over fences. In the meantime, keep the jumps lower, and do a lot of grid work. Give yourself challenging exercises over lower fences to help your mare build up her hind end, and to give you confidence. The more hard questions you complete the more you see it’s about the quality of the canter and how you ride the fence rather than the height! Once you get that stuff conquered and get your flat connection, the 3’ fences will seem like nothing! You can also work them into a grid, so that the end of the grid has built up to a higher fence, but the gymnastics work will have your mare in the balance you need to jump it. Sometimes my biggest fence is in the grid for the day! 

Hopefully this helps, I know what you’re feeling with the connection thing and it just takes a lot of lateral work and getting the horse really straight and through from behind! My last warning is to make sure you don’t accidentally get your horse running trying to make up for hind end power, it’s better to stay slow and ask for push and reach than run around. You obviously have a decent feel, so just keep at it and be patient! Good luck :) 

If you could pick the gender and appearance of your child, would you?

Appearance, no. Gender, yes. I need a girl. No boys plz.

YIKES that doesn't sound like fun at all jEEZ come ride my horse

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