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Of what use were all those frenzies, those distortions, if everything had returned to its place, if reason and routine had triumphed? Of what use was my impassioned remorse if it was ordained that I would one day awake in indifference?
Simone de Beauvoir, from The Mandarins, tr. by Leonard M. Friedman
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Soon after we begin living we become aware of the confines of our prison. It takes us thirty years at the most to recognize the limits within which our possibilities will move. We take stock of reality, which is like measuring the length of the chain which binds our feet. Then we say: “Is this life? Nothing more than this? A closed cycle which is repeated, always identical?” This is a dangerous hour for every man.
José Ortega y Gasset, Meditations on Quixote
Today was a weird day, I was happy for a while but then once again i felt lonely. I was left alone in a room with nothing but routine.
Routine sometimes is calming.
Sometimes is comforting.
Sometimes is cozy and loving.
And sometimes, routine is boring.
Sometimes is mocking.
Sometimes is exhausting.
Sometimes is me alone in my dining room binge watching another show.
Sometimes is cooking lunch.
Sometimes is only talking to myself.
Routine sometimes is my closest friend and on other occasions is my worst enemy.
Routine was here yesterday, and today and probably again tomorrow.
Routine might change but it’ll still be what it is.
Routine.
24/04
Why a routine is not so bad
You know in today's world, we are often over stimulated by instability. From work, family, friends, the list of outside influences goes on forever. I know from my own experience, when I hit a slow moment to catch my breath, it is like a vacuum of bad habits come "a call in'". Those are the times when our routines are helpful. Like the positives of Robinson Caruso (wait, there were positives?) routines can help guide you through lonliness, boredom, even depression. That is why in exercise, it is worth it to find a routine and stick with it. Change isn't bad, but constant change (a chaotic instability) can hamper development at the root of a person. I have a lot of experience on this. At some extent, as a youth you might of experienced it if you were not permitted to develope a routine of eating, sleeping or studying. Constant trauma or crisis could have a lingering effect if not worked through. And regardless of the judgement or "attitude" of the circle of influence or community that you work in, all habits are adjustable, or modifiable with practice and patience. So as you struggle to become more healthily, never give up as you work on your goals.
