Inspired by @everlovingt, I present to you, the galaxy's most unhinged wedding:
Ivan pointed. โBy, Rish, you stand on either side, facing each other. Youโre the witnesses, so watch.โ โI doubt Iโll be able to look away,โ murmured Byerly, holstering his stunner as well and stepping up to his assigned spot. โItโll be just like watching a monorail wreck.โ Rish rolled her eyesโin agreement?โand took her place opposite. โAll right, Iโll go first,โ said Ivan to his bride-to-be, โand then Iโll coach you through your part. Wordingโs about the same. โI, Ivan Xav Vorpatril, being of sound mind and bodyโโโ โThatโs for wills, Ivan,โ muttered By. โI thought you said you knew this stuff?โ Ivan ignored him and plowed on. โDo take thee, uh . . . what did you say your name was, again?โ By buried his face in his hands. Tej repeated it. All of it. โDo take thee, Akuti Tejaswini Jyoti ghem Estif Arquaโโand heโd got the pronunciation right the first time, and didnโt even choke on the ghem part, hah!โโto be my spouse and helpmeet, forsaking all others . . .โ The core of the oath was only three sentences. He got them out somehow, and coached Tej through her half. โ. . . do take thee, Ivan Xav Vorpatril, to be my spouse . . .โ Her hands were shaking, held in his. So were his. โAnd thatโs it!โ said Ivan. โWe now pronounce each other spouse and spouse, before these witnesses, and I get to kiss you. Again. For the first time. Because before, you kissed me, right?โ He locked himself to her lips, rolling his eyes as By stepped forward and swept a break through the groat barrier with his shoe. They swung out of the circle together, Byerly stretched his neck and pecked her on the cheek in passing, and six irate, swearing Komarrans stumbled over each other out of Ivanโs hallway and advanced upon them, stunners at the ready. Ivan drew a wad of cash from his wallet, thrust it into the startled Rishโs hand, and added, โYouโre hired. Officially.โ And, as a uniformed woman reached out to seize Tej, who shrank away, Ivan continued in a forceful bellow modeled directly on Count Falco: โUnhand Lady Vorpatril!โ
