#olive headcanons

They see it as a fact of life and just try to treat you as long as it doesn’t seem too serious.

Unless it’s more than your average cold. If it’s something like cancer, then it becomes something wrong with the church. 

(2/2) clurch tried to do to help sort them out & now they’ve done a Big Time Fuck Up. Very Publicly. When they had every opportunity to even vaguely behave & not be a complete sack of crap. & as the clowns try & decide what they need to do to atone for besmirching the Church- here comes reader *rapping*- **their preaching** about how hard they’ve fucking dishonored them like /YEESH/ oof. ow. that'd gotta hurt to witness. I can't help but wonder how our older trolls would swallow witnessing that.

Big OOF. This version of the blessing is somewhat softer than the usual one I write, so it would certainly be a shock to A) see them visibly shaking furious and B) RAP/ READ a blasphemous bro/sis for filth. 

This trial would be happening with GHB in attendance to act as His Honorable Tyranny.

Now let’s be clear. In this timeline, the blessing has a LOT more freedom than the other version. They even set their own schedule and manage it very well for these makeshift therapy sessions/feels jams. They enjoy their position and really became the cornerstone of the community for the clowns on and off planet. 

All of this to say: They know where all the bodies are buried. They may not report anything to GHB to keep their diamond confidentiality, but they certainly don’t forget no good piece of gossip.

They know every perspective of what happened, when the jerk clown said what to who in confidence. 

They know how they screwed over not only the entire church to the lower castes, but specifically screwed over certain clowns that only had well meaning intentions but now had to deal with the emotional hurt and now the investigative process for this whole debacle. 

There may have even be a few shirts stained with purple tears/facepaint because of all the consoling that had to be done. It was a mess.

So when this absolute dingleberry tries to lie and pin it on someone else or claim something so glaringly wrong in light of what EB!Reader knows, they lose it and stand, glaring and beginning their read. 

The entire building is silent. Almost all of those in attendance are staring on in shocked awe at the spectacle unfolding before them.

Some say it was a miracle.

Others believe it was the Mirthful Messiahs themselves speaking through the reader as they brought every single misstep and misdeed to light.

And after the final sarcastic “congratulations” is said. There was a moment of silence before there is a cacophony of bike horns, whoops, and general cheering, a lot of the others trying to talk to you before GHB silences them, demanding they all settle down. 

Our clowns would all be thinking along the same lines of “I didn’t even know they had that in them.” 

Thank you! Clown Culture is a real treat to think about in relation to the others! And yeah I feel ya, I love writing for all the quads and versions of our favorite clown rapper so variety is always appreciated.  I did do something kind of similar way back with a post about Marvus and Makeup if you also want some HCs in relation to that. 

Now onto the headcannons! I warn you they are a bit disjointed and random. 

Marvus is a guy who is always on. From interviews, to content creating, to brand managing, etc. It’s hard for him to turn off for a few minutes. 

After you both became official though, you insisted on him turning off t a reasonable hour to hang out and better prepare for the next day. 

He could meme around on Chitter if he wanted, but he was mainly to hang out with you and calm down. 

The only way he agreed to this was if you moved in. After all, how could you know he wasn’t lying if you weren’t around? :o)

He is a borderline sugarlusus. 

Gift-giving is one of his main love languages, beaten only by touch. When you are within arms-length, expect him to be touching you in some way shape or form. 

The only time this isn’t the case is when he takes you to work with him.

He and Xadnam pretend that you are her assistant to be sure you have access to any and everywhere during shows, shoots, etc. 

He abuses this cover to make passes a you under the guise of ‘getting his money’s worth’

Examples helping him put on clothes, getting him a drink, and if you are feeling real intimate, helping put on his makeup. 

Makeup is a sacred thing to clowns. Any type of allowance to mess with or help apply makeup is automatically a red flirt. No ifs ands or buts about it. 

And it is the highest of red flirts. 

With him its very indicative that he trusts you with himself. 

He likes to have his quads paint their sign behind his ears as a silent nod to the fact that they exist, even if only he and them (maybe some of his personnel) know about it. He’ll do it himself if they’re not around and send pics to prove it. He will mess up Chahut’s to mess with her. 

You paint a heart if you’re human.

He has all kinds of subtle signs to mean various things for when you’re around and he can’t say it outloud. 

He’ll pretend to scratch the ear with your sign to say “I love you”

Play with his cane a certain way to let you know that you are totally getting reckt when what was currently happening was over.

Stuff like that

He almost always has his hair in a loose ponytail when you’re both alone. 

And they have absolutely /NO/ idea about us or what we do. And we just??? /LIVE/??? with it? Because we have to. 

Ok. Im going off the one picture and kind creating my own semi-Oc with him.

He is a great example of a chill clown. The type of clown that goes against most stereotypes of purples. A bit closer to the idea of an actual earthling clown rather than an alternian if you catch my drift.

Sweet, goofy, and surprisingly not bloodthirsty(by clown standards).

He doesn't talk all that much, usually due to being introverted and a teensy bit shy.

With red quads he's what most romanticizations are in the lowxhigh romcoms

Supportive, uses his status to assist his quad whenever possible, semi-against the system and pretty protective about others

However he is clingy, maybe a but too religious and did I mention clingy?

Like clown stereotypes that lean towards the realistic side, he is clingy with all quads. This is usually due to clown culture and religion.

Clowns feel and feel hard. Their emotions are strong and directly related to their powers. Religion and Clown Culture helps them to keep it under control, but it does manifest in romantic relationships as things like clingyness, moving too fast, etc.

It's also part of the reason that you can't break up with them. They feel hard enough that it can put a target on your back. Especially when the church catches wind and sets you as a heartbreaker.

Sorry for the tangent lol

His ancestor is known as The Juggler

A warrior blessed by The Messiahs themselves to be able to juggle and launch any projectile he got his hands on.

Due to this he has great juggling skills, but he tends to focus on food instead of weapons.

He loves cooking food and doing Hibachi style dinners with his quads

His love languages are feeding and gifts.

Honestly? I headcannon that Alternia functions in a typical pyramid caste system.

Those who rule are the fewest in comparison to the oppressed.

Based on this, I believe that there actually aren't too many clowns in total on planet, with a few more off-planet (have to account for on duty deaths as part of the military). Also taking into account that clowns are a tightknit group(a saying usually used when referring to smaller groups) I'd guesstimate just under 250-300 total.

Highbloods aren't born often and that's compensated by their lifespans and strength/ powers. They also all tend to live in a similar area(near the sea) so I'd say on-planet there are 2 main congregations of 50~ish clowns.