#oldersister!reader

the laughter too. the syrup tasted bitter even when it was sweet. a year before jj was born, he got fired from the docks, and something in him just… cracked.

first came the slamming doors. then the yelling. then the hand. then the words.

“don’t be so goddamn slow when you walk.” “you think you’re smart? you ain’t better than me.” “jesus, you’re useless-just like your mother.”

your mother, for the record, wasn’t useless. just absent. she’d left when you were five. packed a bag, kissed your forehead, and never looked back. luke’s anger became a living thing. It lurked in corners, under kitchen counters, behind your bedroom door.

you learned how to breathe without making noise. how to shrink yourself. how to anticipate footsteps and gauge the temperature of a room by the way the doorknob turned.

then came jj.

luke had gotten some girl pregnant, he was barely there- probably fucking another girl while the pregnant one suffered at home. aswell as you. suffering, i mean. you stayed home all day, making food for yourself, going to school alone.

they let you hold him first.

that still surprised you, sometimes. you sat in the stiff hospital chair, knees swinging, and a nurse placed the warm little child in your arms.

“his name’s jj,” luke muttered from the corner, not even looking at her nor him.

but you looked. god, you looked.

he had a full head of blond hair and a wrinkly face, and when his tiny fingers latched onto yours, something deep inside you snapped into place.

“hi,” you whispered, eyes staring at his own. “your cute ya know.”

YOU learned how to mix formula. you learned how to count the seconds between jj's coughs at night. you learned how to put him to bed, at only the age of ten. most of all, you learned how to be soft in a world that was hard.

there were nights when luke stumbled in reeking of beer and disappointment. but jj never knew. because you would take him outside, sit on a blanket, and hold him with arms that were barely as big as his small form.

when he fell and scraped his knee, he called for you. when he woke up from a nightmare, it was you bed he crawled into. you let him. always.

JJ WAS running through the backyard barefoot when he slipped on a nail sticking up from a busted porch step. blood gushed from his foot, and he screamed like the world was ending.

luke was passed out drunk. no car. no help.

you didn’t hesitate. you carried jj down the sidewalk with chalk still in your hand, barefoot too, sweat and fear mingling on your face, whispering words into his hair while he sobbed against your chest.

you reached a neighbor’s house who took them to the clinic. four stitches. jj was brave-held your hand tight the whole time, but didn’t cry after that first scream. later that night, you knelt by his bed, wrapping a new bandage around his foot.

“does it hurt?”

he shrugged. “little bit. but it’s okay.”

“ya sure?”

he looked at you, calm and clear-eyed. “I didn’t feel scared once you picked me up.”

CPS SHOWED up at your door once. someone had made a report-probably a teacher. luke lied. claimed you both were fine. you lied too, you knew what would happen if you didn't. said you were just jj's sister, but you looked after him while your dad worked nights. said luke was “trying.”

jj lied, too.

when they left, jj was quiet.

“why’d we do that?” he asked.

“because if they take you,” you said, voice shaking, “I don’t know where you’ll end up. And I can’t let you just - just go.”

When you two returned back after staying at that old man’s hut, a sight that will haunt you forever was in front of you both. Nezuko was laying on the ground with Rokuta under her arms as if she tried to shield him from whoever was there last night. You could only cry softly while Tanjiro was trying to wake her but when you turned your head towards the house, you gasped hardly and widened your eyes, covering your moth with the palm of your hand and making more tears spill out of your eyes. Upon hearing his sister, Tanjiro tried to look up but you immediately closed his eyes and got him away from them while he was trashing in your hold and clawing your forearm, screaming at you to let go of him.

You were still crying over your found-family corpses, the sight was very familiar to you. The smell of blood, the struggle and claw marks… And the horrible smell of someone… No… she thought. Whoever was in here last night was the same one who killed her own family…

Then, the memories you tried bury deep inside your heart was surfacing at high speed. You could remember how you wanted to cry over your parent’s dead bodies, how you wanted to hug them one last time. You knew you had to run away but before you did, you took your dad’s earrings- the same ones as Tanjiro’s- and run away, leaving your soul there….

You shook your head harshly and pinned Tanjiro to the ground and started to scream at him in a high pitched voice.

“TANJIRO! STOP IT YOU CAN’T SEE THEM BEACUSE IF YOU DO, THE SIGHT OF THEM WILL FOREVER HAUNT YOU!!”

He gasped loudly at your words and panted harshly, trying to calm down and when he felt the signs of your grief, your tears, on his cheek, he looked at you with his own  tears as well. Even with all of your pain, you smiled reassuringly at him and said,

“Please Tanjiro, just… Stay here, okay? I’ll go and look at them, please don’t come…”

“But what if something is in there!! What if it hurts you like-“

“Whoever was in there last night, is no longer there. Trust me, I know it…”

He looked at you questioningly but before he would ask what you meant by who , you heard a rustle and when you and your brother turned to see, you saw that Nezuko was huffing softly. Tanjiro immediately bolted to her and took her on his back, walking down the hill alongside with you trying to cover her from the harsh cold.

Both of you promising to yourselves that at least one of your siblings would live...

And these were all 2 years ago. It’s been a little bit more than two years that Urokodaki sensei took them in and taught them everything he knows. You could still remember how hard your training were, how many wounds your brother had gotten due to hand-to-hand combat and the endless running.

Not every part of it was bad though. You both met new people and helped them by saving their loved ones… Even though you now have two more crackheads who are just too loud for their health, one being obsessed over the idea of fighting you since he saw how strong you were; and the other being dead set on marrying either you or your little sibling, made you fist your burgundy locks in frustration. But still you loved and cared for them with your heart…

But right now, your biggest concern was your brother who was laying down on the ground while these… Extraordinary people were standing there, stating that you two should be executed for carrying a demon. You didn’t care about what they said though, just sitting there calmly and looking them with an expressionless face which confused them people before you. Aren't you supposed to be freaking out?

“Excuse me… But why are you so calm about this whole situation? Aren’t you even a little bit scared...?”

When you heard the honey-like voice of a woman, you turned your head to her and upon seeing her pink and green hair, you looked at her in amazement and said,

“It’s irrelevant but your hair… looks so amazing and cute… Has it always been like that?”

At what you said, the Love Hashira squealed internally while thinking "She is the one to say that! Her face and eyes and hair looks just as amazing!! What a kind and beautiful girl!". The others looked at you in shock, not believing that you trully didn’t care that they were right here, wanting to kill you and your siblings. Even Tanjiro who just told your story and took water from the short, purple haired woman was in shock at your calmness. He smelled you in case you were hiding your fear but when he smelled nothing and that you were utterly calm about this whole ordeal, he was about to crawl to you before others started to talk again.

“Strange… You seem like you don’t care about your siblings’ life at all.”

“Oh, it’s not like I dont… I just know that you wouldn’t do that…”

“And why wouldn’t we, young lady?”

“Because one, we already told our story and even said the name of our mentor, which by the way you can go and search. Two, you can easily find the places we were sent to and qustion the people there about our sister, and if you think you can’t find them, I can easily give you the addresses. Three, we are demon slayers not human slayers but still, of course you can go and try to kill us but without talking to the master… Well, I do believe that you wouldn’t really do anything without him knowing.”

At the end of your sentence you smiled at them softly and laughed internally at their shocked faces since they all thought you didn’t know anything about the Corps.

"Patheatic... They think I never heard stories about them from my father when I was a little kid..." you thought. Before you could go on more, you heard a girl begging for the man in front of you who had scars all over his body with no eyebrows to let go of the box, you turned to him and cocked an eyebrow at seeing that he was holding your sister’s box. The purple haired woman in front of you got up slowly and when you sensed her anger, you looked at her strangely but the man didn’t even care about her and started to talk.

“What about this demon, boy? You say she can protect people and fight fort he Corps?”

“That’s incredible! Amazing! Why, that’s…

“ COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE, YOU FOOL!!”

And when the man named Shinazugawa stabbed your sister’s box, making her whine in pain, it was as if someone else was talking to you inside your mind. Protect your family...

Without thinking, you snapped the ropes around your wrists and took your small version of nichirin blade which you always kept hidden inside your uniform. When everyone saw that you easily cut the rope with your sheer power and lunged to Shinazugawa, they only hoped that you wouldn’t end up dead.

Seeing that you were coming at him, Shinazugawa dropped the box harshly and got ready to swing his sword at you but at that moment, something unexpectable happened: you suddenly disappeared from their sights and appeared behind Shinazugawa and kicked him hard on the back, making him bleed through his mouth and when he fell to the ground, you stepped on him with your foot harshly while pointing his sword right at his face. He grunted and tried to move but you put more pressure on his back, creating a cracking sound. The Hashiras were both amazed, shocked and worried about both you and the Wind Pillar. They have never seen someone beat Shinazugawa that easily and they surely haven’t seen someone that powerful and fast either.

Tanjiro could only mutter and amazed “Nee-chan…” at you and what you did. Without hearing anything or anyone, you started to threaten the man under you.

“Look at me, you no eyebrows. I don’t fucking care whether you kill me or not, I don’t care about what happened to you because of the demons but know this: Most demons didn’t turn into one willingly, they got manipulated. There are good ones who regrets what they had done even when they die. What kind of unreasonable people are you to not search about what we say? We are already telling you everything but all of you still think that you knew the best!”

“You bi-“

“I’M NOT DONE!! I don’t care what you think about me or if you want me to do seppuku but if you touch my siblings, even insult them, I’ll know it. You saw what I’m capable of, I’ll not hesitate to kill you… Wind Pillar… Understood?”

Shinazugawa was getting ready to insult you again but he felt a burning sensation on his cheek and when he turned his head to look at it, he widened his eyes at seeing that it was becoming a burning red slowly. He raised his eyes to your face and nodded, being a little scared of you. You then went back to your smiling state and dropped his sword and went to stand next to your brother whose eyes were so widened that you worried they would really pop off of his skull. You saw that the Hashiras had questions about you but before they would utter their words, a synchronized set of girl voices were heard, saying that Oyakata-sama came.

You, alongside the Hashiras knelt in front of the leader of the Corps in respect which shocked the Hashiras again. He slowly walked to the porch with the help of his daugters and started to talk in a calm voice.

"Welcome, my dear children..."

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The heavy metal door closed behind you, letting your brothers know that you were back. Slowly, you crept down the stairs.

No one was in the war room, so you looked further. But, the library was empty too.

A wave of pain came, which took a breath with it when it left. You were hunched over, the back of a chair supporting you. At the sound of footsteps, your head raised. Bits of hair that had fallen from the hair-tie, and had clung to your dampened face, and others strayed as they pleased.

“Hey Y/N. How was the hunt in… Montana…?” Dean looked at you with a hopeful look, hoping he got it right.

“Colorado, Dean. She always takes cases from there.” you nodded at Sam, letting them know that Dean, was in fact, wrong. Again.

“...Whatever,” Dean looked like a toddler who’d been told ‘no’, “... anyone want a beer.”

Usually, you’d say something along the lines of ‘hell yeah!’. This time, though, you groaned in pain. This didn’t go unnoticed by Sam and Dean.

They looked at you in worry, and before one of them could even ask, you sat on the floor before you could fall. Both rushed to your side.

“Where are you hurt?” Dean was in full on parent-mode, determined to fix the problem.

A sarcastic chuckle left your lips, which was followed by another groan of pain. “I wish I could tell you, little bro,” you looked up at him and Sam, a bead of sweat forming on your forehead, “...but this one ‘aint ‘gonna be fixed with some stitches and whiskey.”

“Y/N, what the hell happened.” Dean was more assertive, but a slight tremor was in his voice. He wanted to help his big sister. He needed to help his big sister.

Another wave of pain. “A freakin’- ah!” you were breathing deep and unsteadily, the pain increasing by the minute. Once you caught your breath, you continued, “...A stupid witch. I think-” another wave of pain, “Ah, ooh, that hurts. Phew. I think it was one of Rowena’s students or something- holy crap this isn’t cool.”

You curled into yourself, hoping it’d subdue some of the pain. It didn’t.

“Dean, I think there are ‘a hundred little goblins- ow -playing Russian roulette in my body.” This caused Sam to chuckle, which caused you to look up at him. With difficulty, “So are you numbskulls just gonna sit there, watch me slowly die-”

“You are not dying.”

“Dean, I’m probably dying.”

Sam butted in, expressing his concern and clearly not finding your humorous tone appropriate, “Y/N, shut up. And yes, we will carry you to your bed. The floor is for black-out-drunk nights only,” he added with a slight playfulness.

Your littlest brother read your mind perfectly, saving you some breath. They were very careful to not jostle you too much, but it didn’t do much good. The pain was searing, and you couldn’t even believe that you weren’t screaming out in pain.

And though you weren’t expressing your ailing vocally, your brothers could see it as plain as day.

“Sammy, I’m gonna stay with her. Try calling Cas, and tell him to get his feathered ass here.”

“On it.” he walked out.

Your body betrayed your want to not show any more signs of pain by starting to shake. Another sheen of sweat formed on your skin, leaving you a little chilly.

Dean was sitting on the side of your bed, facing your laid-down body. You were on your side, and staring at Dean.

“Funny, huh? I thought I’d be the last one to go. You know, first one out, last one out.”

“Y/N, stop. You aren’t going anywhere. You aren’t dying.”

You shifted your body slightly, regretting it the moment a shock of pain ran up and down it. “You never know. I could be.”

Dean looked like he was getting annoyed, but you knew he was just a little scared. “Y/N, shut up. Don’t talk like that.”

You huffed partly in annoyance and pain, “I’m just trying to make a joke- ooh that hurts,” he quickly reached out to hold your hand, “...You know me, I have to have some kind of drama.”

He shook his head and looked down at the bed sheet, then back to your face. You were pale, and looking weaker by the second.

“Y/N, seriously, don’t die.”

“Hey, Dean, calm down,” you reached up with your other hand, and cupped his cheek, “Cas is gonna get here and fix me up. I’ll be okay. I just wanted to crack a few jokes in,” your voice got a little weaker, almost undetectable, ”I hate to worry you two. My job is the opposite. My job is to protect you boys-”

“And my job is to protect you. I’m your brother.”

You looked at your brother in admiration, and awe. Proud of the man he grew up to be. “Dean, you’re my little brother.”

“So? I can still kick someone’s ass.”

“Oh, I never- hmm wow, pain is a thing,” Dean gazed on in worry, but you continued, “I never said you couldn’t.”

“So that mean’s I need to step up to the brother role-”

“Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“You will always be the toddler who tapioca pudding all over himself for the hell of it. So just shut up.”

All you wanted to do was to reach up to your brother and give him a big hug, but the fading of your vision took over. Your body went limp.

“Y/N?” Dean quickly tried to wake you. “No. No no no. No, Y/N. It's you, me, and snot-nosed Sammy ‘till the end. It has always been us three. You’re not going to change that. Not now.”

He shouted for Sam, who came back within seconds, his cell phone still in hand.

“Where’s Cas?”

Sam was staring at your body. It was still. “He didn’t… he didn’t answer…”

“Godammit. Cas! Get your ass down here, so help me God I will literally pluck your feathers out one by one.” He was crying. Not sobbing, but enough to show that he was in peril, “It’s Y/N, Sammy. I don't- Cas should be here. He always knows when something isn’t right with her he-” the subtle sound of feathers flapping filled the room, causing both boys to whip their heads to the source.

Cas ignored the angry shouts from Dean. He was looking at you.

He was looking at the broken body that housed your soul. “Oh no,” Cas said to himself. He wasn’t ready for this. None of them were. He briskly walked over to your still body and placed his palm on your sticky forehead.

“What did this to her?” Cas was suddenly seething, trying desperately to bring you back. A soft glow came from his hand and was cast upon your body.

Dean answered, “She said it was a witch.”

“Of course.”

“What?”

“Y/N has magic in her body. My powers… they aren’t working right because of it.”

“Wha- what do you mean ‘they aren’t working right’! You gotta bring her back Cas!”

“Dean, I will do the best I can,” he looked at his friend and Sam and promised, “I’ll try my best.”

It was months since then. You had long been dead. And of course, Sam and Dean didn’t burn your body, They were hopfuly in getting you back. You were their big sister. They needed you.

Dean had been drinking himself into a rut, and Sam was constantly working out. They both tried to distract themselves, but it never ended up working for too long.

They had eventually tracked down the witch and killed her, and felt that they ‘avenged’ a part of you. But that still wasn’t enough for them. Sam and Dean were hurting, and neither of them knew how to make the hurt go away.

Sam lazily strolled into the library where Dean sat and leaned against one of the columns. He was covered in sweat and his muscles were tense. He watched Dean after catching his breath, and spoke, “Hey, do you- maybe later on -want to go into town and pick up some food with me? I could kill for a burger.”

Dean grunted in response, his nose buried in a lore book with a new bottle of Jack on his right.

“You know, I could kill for a burger. Extra cheese, tomato- oh, you look worried, fellas,” you finished with a smirk. Your brothers looked at you as if they were seeing a ghost.

They might have been. Dean was the first to react, grabbing his gun and setting his face even more. Sam was next, and quickly grabbed a silver flask of holy water. Both brothers were ready for a fight that they never wanted.

“Oh, thanks, Sam, I’m parched.” You walked over to him, took the flask, and drank. A sour look made its way to your face, “Bleh. We really need to change the water in those more often. It tastes like dirt.”

Once you handed the flask back to a very stunned Sam, you looked at your boys. “My god, guys. You look awful.” Sam scuffed, and Dean was still standing with his gun in his hands, still in hunter mode.

“Dean, it’s her. It’s Y/N.” Sammy tried to convince him. Instead of taking his word for it, he fished a silver knife out of his boot and promptly held it out to you.

“My god, let's add another scar to the list…” you slowly made a shallow slice on the underside of your arm. Before you even had the chance to look up, Dean was clinging on to you for dear life. You clung back. Sam joined soon after.

After a while, the three of you broke from your moment, and just looked at each other. Dean started to talk but was stopped.

“Don’t ask me how. All I know is that I was dead- I think -and then I’m waking up in my bed.”

“That doesn’t make any sense. We buried you.” You looked at Sam, a little shocked at his confession.

“You idiots buried me?! Why didn’t you burn my body?” your patience was wearing thin, but then it dawned on you, “I woke up in my bed though. Not in a box.”

Sam was as confused as you were, “That one is still a mystery.”

Dean huffed, “Y/N if we did that, you wouldn’t-”

“Yes, I know Dean. I know I wouldn’t be here, but we promised each other! We said that if one of us dies-”

“We burn the body,” he finished in a lighter manner.

“Yes. So, why didn’t you.”

“Because Cas told me not to.”

You looked at him in confusion. “What?”

Sam joined in, “He told us to not burn your body. He said something about making this right.”

“So you listened to him?” You were fuming, “Yes, I’m so happy to see you guys, but seriously? You listened to Cas?”

“He said he would bring you back, Y/N, and he did! I’m sorry that we cared about getting our sister back.” Dean started raising his voice, his emotions finally coming out, “You died! You are the one person I look up to- who I’ve always looked up to. So if there was a slight chance in hell of getting you back, you’re damn right that I’ll take that chance!”

With each word he spoke, your heart broke. “Dean… Look, I’m sorry-”

“Y/N, you don’t have to apologize,” Sam said sincerely.

“No, Sammy, Dean’s right,” you looked at him, gave him a slight nod, and continued, “...I can’t be the one to talk because I’d do the same thing.” Sam shuffled his feet and looked down, bits of hair falling in his face.

“And you would too. We are always going to be in a constant cycle of this… of saving each other and I can’t get mad at you guys for not burning my body.” You brothers nodded along in agreement, faces seemingly set in stone.

“This does not mean I’m not pissed because I am. And Cas better get his ass here and-”

“Hello, Y/N.”