Jul 26
"Should I& start posting my& latest self-therapy realizations" girl you should start posting at all so that people don't think you died
#ok luiger#Hi. Welcome to the Tag Rant where I& elaborate on my& inner world and thoughts#I&'ve been doing a lot of soul searching and little job searching as they say#as usual I&'m constantly ruminating on my& identity and the full inner workings of it and what it means to be me&#it feels as if every new thought and issue I& come across ties back into my& mindset#of viewing myself& not as a person but as a creative performance art project#aka. I& don't see a point in Being something if I& don't Act like it#so for example I& don't see a point in calling myself& aromantic because I&'m in multiple romantic relationships anyway already#(although I& happen to also think I&'m alloromantic for other reasons. I& don't know though. We'll see)#the most obvious consequence of this is that I& keep fakeclaiming myself& and combining parts of me& that are similar enough#<- um. ideally shouldn't have separate parts at all frankly#but the way I&'ve been trying to fuse them is definitely not the way to go about it anyway#well regardless. it's mostly been impacting my& kintypes and inner organization#you would be surprised how much categorizing and organizing you can do with just 3-5 identities#it is however a habit I& should get out of. because I& really don't think it benefits me& at all#besides this I& also realized that I& tie my& identity to my& interests too much#and I&'m considering working on that. it's a deeply ingrained thing that will keep coming up again and again but it will be worth it.#because the consequence of this is that I& keep trying to force myself& to be a fan of things regardless of whether I& still like it or not#it's a little bit funny. obviously it's an autism thing but I& realized that it's actually also an ADHD thing too#because I& kind of begun viewing the fandoms I&'m in as their own sort of creative project#so participating in them became a sort of proof that I& CAN force myself& to keep doing something for prolonged periods of time#doing fandom = beating ADHD. apparently. it's a little funny.#except obviously a project has a finish line and a fandom doesn't. so it was a sisyphian effort from the start.#well I&'ll just try not to define myself& by my& interests as much anymore. if I& can even count them then I&'m doing it wrong.#this is also why I&'ve been trying not to feel guilty for not doing anything for Joe recently#I& have to admit that I&'m just not actively into HC right now instead of carrying it on my& back like a cross#I&'ll still allow myself& to be fictionkin even though that's probably also a symptom.#I& don't think I& actually Could stop being Jack even if I& tried really hard. all it would do is repress it#there's more thoughts but I& already hit 30 tag limit wow damn. guess you'll get the rest of the thoughts next time#I&'ll probably be posting about DSMP. and finally finish that wokedonalds comic. stay tuned
