HONESTY 4: What is your biggest fear?
 Ask my Muse: Honesty || Closed
Also asked by @unmovable-sovereignâ
âMy biggest fear...? If I didnât know better though, Iâd think that you two were looking for weaknesses to exploit... Itâs a heavy question, but also one Iâve given a lot of thought to over the years.Â
âAnd because of that, I know that I wouldnât be giving you the same answer if you had asked me at different periods of my life. What I do know for sure is that Iâve never truly feared death, injury, or hardships.â
âItâs not as though I donât feel fear at all, even if some of my legends have made me out to be fearless and without mercy... I feel the same fright, the same panic and despair and anxieties as any human, but as a whole those kinds of mortal fears, simple and pure and biological have never kept me up at night.â
âI think at one time I feared not amounting to anything. When I was young, as eager as I was to learn, looking back I think I was just as afraid that Iâd never have the chance to make my mark; that Iâd die alone and unknown, without anyone to mourn or remember me.â
âIâd never known what it was to have parents, loved ones, siblings, or even simple friends as a child, and my rush to become a legend must have been due at least in part to a kind of loneliness. Wanting to leave my mark on history so that someone would think of me, that someone would remember me when it came time to return to the Abyss.â
âNow that Iâm older, though... Iâve had enough of fame, and the praise of those I care about is enough recognition for my lifetime. Iâve grown past those youthful worries.â
âNo, what I fear most now... and I think what Iâve feared most since the day I became a mother- the day that I lost my team, my child, and nearly the lives of myself and both of my beloved partners- is losing sight of who I am. Becoming someone I no longer recognize, and losing my drive to learn and discover and explore.â
âI love my daughter, more than I can say. I would have given everything of myself to her without question. Given up the Abyss, my career, even my worst vices, all so that I could give her the love and care that she deserved, that I never had.â
âI would have become someone that I donât recognize, and in doing so, I felt like I would have taken from her the opportunity to choose who she wanted to be. It ate away at me, that fear, and eventually, I couldnât withstand it.â
âSo I left for the Abyss... Afraid of who Iâd be without it. And then, I returned. Afraid of what I had lost to chase it. It still haunts me even now, that fear. That Iâve made a mistake, and given up too much, asked too much of myself others to still hold on to what remains of my dreams.â
âSo no... I donât think Iâm fearless at all. I seems I am all the more afraid than the stories say, and all too weak to face those fears head on.â