#obsyan

Now, much of chaser/IRL darling culture is rooted in ableism. Chasers and self-assigned darlings often times don't wish for a genuine relationship with a yandere, but rather their shallow understanding or very romanticized idea of what a yandere is.

Bloggers may often be flanderized into solely what they post— and that is what chasers/IRL darlings often crave, rather than who they are as people. This is often a form of ableism due to the root cause of said behaviors (often being a result of mental illness/neurodivergency) that are expressed via posting, something that isn't often understood by neurotypicals. I would like to add, however, that this behavior isn't limited to neurotypicals. The enemy you fear most is often the closest, no .ᐣ 

But what of those who can't handle extreme yanderes, you ask .ᐣ I believe there's a crucial difference— while one is almost always rooted in some sort of ableism, those that are unable to handle extreme yanderes .ᐣ That is simply how they function. It isn't a form of ableism to not have the stability, personality, or emotional bandwidth for certain yanderes .ᐟ 

Being a yandere is a spectrum, something that is very important to be aware of. No two yanderes are exactly the same, but it's quite common for there to be overlap— especially amongst those who have experienced similar trauma, harbor the same disorder, or share similar love styles .ᐟ 

Extreme yanderes simply won't be for everyone, and that's okay .ᐟ Especially with how much certain more extreme urges/desires¹ manifest via what could technically be considered a form of non-sexual BDSM (as an example, TPE/Total Power Exchange. I would honestly highly recommend more [ADULT] yanderes look into BDSM practices, safe kink, and the nuances of consent and boundaries amongst such dynamics. For yanderes who are minors, I would still recommend looking into consent², boundaries, and power dynamics within relationships. It is very good knowledge to have on hand— after all, knowledge is power, and is a tool that can keep you all safe  .ᐟ Sex education goes beyond sex itself, after all. ), and at the end of the day there will be people who are not attracted to, don't consent, or are unable to handle such a dynamic long-term.

But-but-but .ᐟ Did you know that these two may have overlap .ᐣ An enormous part of the dislike towards chasers is due to their inability to properly handle or accommodate yanderes, and the baggage that comes with such a relationship.

Does this make all those who are unable to handle extreme yanderes chasers .ᐣ No .ᐟ But almost all chasers are unable to handle extreme yanderes— and those that are capable of such are often taking advantage of the mentally ill for their own gratification³.

However, this does not exempt all those who are unable to handle extreme yanderes. They may often discriminate against those who are more extreme/toxic, lack self-awareness of their own ability to handle such a relationship, or make others feel unwelcome with unintentional elitism when it comes to certain yandere traits. At the end of the day, the most important thing in a relationship with any yandere is consent and established boundaries— if you can say you can handle, are open, or attracted to something, mean it .ᐟ 

Keeping these principles in mind will help you find long-term fulfilling relationships, over fleeting instant gratification. Not doing so can be unintentionally abusive. Even if not done with malicious intent, it can still negatively impact those around you, and it's something to be cautious of.

There is a difference between recognizing abuse, abusive rhetoric, and abusive dogwhistles, vs. discriminating against your own community.

There is a difference between being mistaken about something you're attracted or consenting to, vs. putting up false pretenses.

There is a difference between being an extreme yandere, vs. not practicing good communication and consent practices and being abusive.

There is a difference between a blogger posting about a fantasy, vs. actually wanting it to happen to them in real life.

Context is key .ᐟ 

As opposed to what you may believe, there is no shame in being unsure about something. Experimenting is something that you and your partner can find joy in, as well as discovering things you didn't even know you were attracted to .ᐟ It is better to be unsure and honest, over lying about your feelings, likes, and tolerance.

I hope this helps my lovely asker, and all the little cookies who encounter this post understand the difference just a little bit more .ᐟ Ta-ta  .ᐟ ~ ♡

¹ : Said extreme urges/desires are often toxic and unhealthy behaviors. Such are best when pre-established and thoroughly communicated— and children or those who are a certain point of mental illness/disability cannot consent to being abused or being in a toxic dynamic. This is non-negotiable, even if you are also a child, mentally ill, or mentally disabled. Such does not make you incapable of taking advantage of someone else, or accountability.

² : A very good video that breaks down consent is Tea Consent. I'm aware consent itself may seem as though it is something very basic— but it is important to those who never had proper Sex ED to be properly informed, and for anyone who needs it to have a refresher. After all, Sex ED goes beyond simple intercourse, and extends into interpersonal relationships  .ᐟ Consent, Communication, and Commitment— the three C's to any good relationship, romantic or otherwise .ᐟ 

³ : Gratification in this instance isn't intended to be interpreted as purely sexual— abusers act the way they do either due to their own psychological issues (which isn't an excuse, nor justification), or for their pleasure as a whole. Often both .ᐟ 

When it comes to the mentally ill knowing how to accommodate the symptoms of such is important .ᐟ But tell me, cookies of Earthbread— are all little cookies meant to be with the extremes of such mental illness .ᐣ  Now what's what we call food for thought .ᐟ 

Tell me, listeners, TRUE OR FALSE: Are the little cookies who are unable to handle mental illness ableist .ᐣ  The mortals that wish to amicably end connections with those whose mental illness is dragging them down in turn .ᐣ 

What of the little cookies who experience such mental illness, but refuse to communicate .ᐣ  To meet another half-way .ᐣ  TRUE or FALSE, is it abuse, or to be expected .ᐣ 

This host will tell its dear listeners a little secret— the second most important thing in any relationship— and especially with yanderes —is to find someone who can match your energy .ᐟ Or, as Candy Apple Cookie would put it, ah. . . match each other's freak .ᐟ 

As a system, do you expect to be truly satisfied with a singlet who doesn't truly understand nor accommodate you .ᐣ  If you have  .ᐣ  , does the idea of not being one of the most important thing in your other half's life, let alone not being able to get your proper supply, utterly abhorrent  .ᐣ  Those with an avoidant attachment, is the idea of someone is indescribably needy with little to no understanding of your comfort in isolation and need for space not incredibly smothering .ᐣ 

That isn't to say that one can't make concessions, or work towards improvement— but can you .ᐣ  As a person, are you willing to take such steps .ᐣ  Establish firm boundaries and carry out consistent communication .ᐣ  There are those that wish to drown in the filth, loose themselves to the depravity, to rot from the inside out, and do so with glee. Even subconsciously, is that you .ᐣ 

Of course, it's fine if you aren't improving (as long as you're self-aware about it and with someone whom consents to such) but what of those who believe themselves to be saviors, above consequences, symptoms, the emotional toil .ᐣ 

And now, just imagine .ᐟ The clashing of the two .ᐟ Immovable object vs. unstoppable force .ᐟ Any mix of the above, really. . . oh, it practically makes me shiver with delight— it's catastrophe just waiting to happen, no .ᐣ  Impossible to look away from .ᐟ 

Ha-ha .ᐟ Don't mind the ramblings of a cookie— my words are only what you make of them.