firstly... i didn't know i'd be gone this long 😭 i feel like i've been gone for an entire century! and i feel sooo bad and guilty because i've had some lovely messages and some comments on my fics and MY HEART FEELS LIKE IT'S GONNA BURST.
have i written a single thing in the time i've been gone? no. nope. not a single damn thing. not even a word :(
secondly... the issue that made me go offline in the first place... has still not been resolved. if anything, it's 1000x worse, and i don't know how my life is going to pan out in the next couple of years. (obviously i can't give specifics, because privacy, but i have to vent somewhere... essentially the main gist of it is that i could lose everything in my life lmao... nbd)
i've had a close family member die in the time i've been gone, and i haven't even been able to grieve their death properly because of this stupid fucking issue that won't go away.
i've not done any of my hobbies. i haven't walked, i haven't illustrated, i haven't written, i haven't read any fics, i haven't come on this app, and i haven't seen many of my IRL friends. i've barely left my apartment. every time i do, i feel guilty, because it's like, this Thing™ needs to be dealt with, but i can't do more than what i'm doing (which isn't a lot because it's mostly out of my control), so it's kind of like i'm in limbo.
the only thing i've felt not-guilty for doing is eating like crap, doomscrolling on tikok, and ignoring all my personal needs. effectively, this issue has triggered a depressive episode. i've not slept a lot in the past couple of months and it's really been taking its toll. when i'm depressed the first thing that goes to shit is the cleanliness of my place and my personal hygiene.
YET... throughout it all, the thing that has been consistently on my mind is this fandom, and my fic. and also every other fic i've read and loved which triggered me to start writing in the first place. it's playing on a loop in my mind, and i physically cannot ignore it any longer. i think about this every single fucking day.
so i'm gonna try.
i'm not going to make myself any promises or put any deadlines on myself... but i'm going to try. atp, gallavich is one of the only things that makes me feel joy. i tried to pull back, because i was worried the stress of my personal issues would ruin my love of it, and i worried i wouldn't love it any more... but i do. i love it entirely.
so, here's to trying, i guess o_o
thank you to the lovely people that have sent me messages and commented on my fic and tagged me in posts. i can't tell you how good it felt to check in today and see all of that. and to that one ao3 commenter who can never be bothered to log in... you're a fucking G.
ttfn 🖤
p.s. i won't be uploading for my fic any time soon... but i will be carrying on writing it in private. when it's ready—when it's good and it's gone through rewrite after rewrite—then i'll post it. ALL OF IT. and i will finish it, because it's something that i know in my heart i have to do. somehow i feel like finishing it will heal something in me. idc if that's lame to say, it's just how i feel. i wouldn't be here today if i didn't press play on that first episode of shameless. it's fundamentally changed me and made me look at myself and my life in a deeper, richer way. it just is what it is 🤷🏻♂️
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This week we’re talking about food and eating habits!
Thank you Kat @mybrainismelted for the tag 🥹🥹 I’m early for once!
Name: Nym and/or Nora
Location: UK.
What was the last thing you ate? A Daim bar.
Do you have a food that you have to eat every day? My current breakfast obsession is raspberries with Greek yoghurt and honey and I’ve been eating it every day since like March lol. But @theperksofbeingabooknerd has influenced me to make an egg muffin this weekend so I expect that will be my new obsession 🤭
What food do you eat “weirdly”? Bonus points for telling us why it’s weird. Walnut whips. You eat the walnut first, coz it’s the worst bit. Then you bite off the top, lick out the cream (I can hear y’all thinking dirty thoughts SO GET UR FUCKIN MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTERS)… and then eat the rest. Is it weird? Idk it’s not weird to me, but someone saw me doing this once and was like “just eat it!” And I was like 🤨🤨🤨 bitch I am eating it!
What is your favourite food from your country or culture? British food culture is an amalgamation of a lot of other cultural foods (usually without giving said cultures credit LOL - I mean the national dish is a chicken tikka masala!!). But in this instance I think my fave British food is just a pasty. A veggie pasty. Can’t beat it!
What is your least favourite food from your country or culture? Pork pie… ughhhhh.
Do you drink coffee? If so, how do you take it? Yesssss with plenty of milk, and three sugars.
Do you cook? I love cooking but don’t get to do it often on account of being a lazy bitch.
Are you a sweet or savoury snacks person? Equally both, but if I had to choose right now it’d be savoury.
And finally, tell me about your ideal meal: Right now I really want a veggie stew with dumplings bc I’m still kinda sick.
Thank you @heymacy for the tag 🥰 and I'm on time for once!
name: Nora/Nym
where are you right this second? At my desk, writing for Born Free, Die Captive.
where SHOULD you be right this second? I guess I should be at work, but we were allowed to leave early!
what’s your favorite aquatic animal? Seahorse. I just think they're cunty. Also I like that the males carry the baby seahorses during reproduction. Also they just look extra.
what’s your least favorite dinosaur? Lol this is hard, I think they're all cool. I mean, I would shit myself if confronted with ANY of them, but if I had to pick least favourite it would be Troodon. Way too bird-like, even though I know birds are lil dinos.
if you could have a funky skin or hair color (think rainbow) what would it be? Oooh maybe a hot pink for skin and purple for hair bc those are my two fave colours.
what is your favorite word in any language? Cunt, of course.
how are the apps on your phone organized, if they are? In folders sorted by what kind of app they are. I have a folder for food apps, reading apps, shopping/fashion apps, finance apps etc. I hate not having my phone organised.
if you could take a ride on any animal regardless of its size, what would it be? If I didn't hurt it and I became suddenly weightless... or if I shrink or grow to be able to safely get on it... I guess it would be a tortoise. I think it'd be relaxing. My favourite animal is a cat, but I could not deal with riding on them lmfao.
do you fold your socks and underwear? Absolutely not.
what’s your favorite mindless doodle to draw? Honestly, genitals. Idk why I do that when I doodle, but I just do. It's inexplicable. Dicks are the easiest to draw IMO.
finally, if you could pick a celebrity to bail you out of jail, who would it be and why? Yungblud because I feel like he'd be so nice about it and he'd want the full story and we'd have a right little gossip and I'd repeatedly make him say "I'm from Doncaster".
hi! i hope this is okay to ask you, if not feel free to just ignore me! i love your fanfics and im happy to read whatever you will gift ao3 with! but i was wondering if you are still considering working on 'born free, die captive'? no pressure!!!! pinky promise! i just love it and was wondering about it!
Heyyy Nonny! Aw that’s so sweet, you can ask me anything 😁
Sorry I’ve not answered this ask for a few days, but I was just in my feels about it lol. I MISS BORN FREE!!!!!
Me after getting your ask:
I am still writing it! I’ve not written for a month or so because I’ve not been in that state mentally and I kept getting distracted by life. But it’s still very much on my mind and I will get back to it soon!
My plan was to finish it completely before I uploaded it, because there’s a few things I want to do but I can already see the plot holes forming haha. I want it to be right before I post it 🫣
I also will be formatting a version of it separately from ao3 so that it reads nicely on an ebook/kindle etc. cause I know some people like to download a fic and read on an external device. 😅 idk if people will even care about it like that but it’s something I want to do just for myself. As a writer, reading back on past works can feel so cringe sometimes because reading a story is way, way different than writing it!
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really, really happy with this word count. i'm working on chapter 10 rn and mickey is being such a fucking brat lol, and bratty mickey is my FAVE to write 😝
side note, i'm so fucking emotional about the fact that i'm actually making progress on born free after such a shit year and not looking at it for months. not a day went by where i didn't think of it though. MY BABIESSS I AM NOT OK.
anyway, there was a bit of angst in the last chapter, but the guys are getting back to normal in this one and it's gonna be so fucking good when these idiots have their realisations i swear. i can't waittttttt!
what it feels like in my head rn:
anyway, it's time for bed 😌 i am an old woman and its 10pm which is an hour after my bedtime and a bitch is tired!
thanks for the tags kat @mybrainismelted & @stargazer-las 🖤
Name: nora / nym
Death year (If you're unsure then birth year will also suffice): 1993
Does your mortality frighten you? honestly no. i wouldn't like to leave this mortal coil before my mum, though. she would be in a lot of pain and i love her endlessly. anytime after that, whatever. i'm happy with whatever years i have left. nobody knows what happens after you die, and at least it would answer a question. either nothing is on the other side, or something is on the other side.
Are you celebrating Halloween this year? If so, are you dressing up? not in the traditional sense. it's been a long long time since i dressed up or trick or treated. but i will be spending the evening with a friend.
What is your favorite candy? it's hard to pick favourites because i go through phases with what foods i like. but right now i could go for some sour/fizzy strawberry laces.
Once the time comes... Burial or Cremation? burial. no coffin. just put me in the ground and let the worms eat me.
How long would you survive in a zombie apocalypse? i would give up immediately because i'm not doing all that. i'm way too lazy, just take me now and let's be done with it.
✏️💀 Bonus Task What are Ian & Mickey dressing up as this year? mickey would be in a Top Gun costume, because i think he'd look hot in the suit. ian would put in a little more effort, and maybe go as The Mask, which i think would suit him. or the joker, but i feel like that's too on the nose hahah.